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| I was walking in a cemetery this morning and seen a bloke hiding behind a gravestone. I said "morning." He replied, "No, just having a shit." |    |
Joke by guest1, in Jokes with no home > Accident - Tagged shit , cemetary , morning , mourning - Current Score: 1750 - Added: 9 months ago
| Some mornings I wake up bitchy. Other mornings I let her sleep. | |
Joke by Hintonian, in Sex and shit > Sexist - Tagged bitchy , morning , sleep - Current Score: 557 - Added: 11 months ago
| I had a meal last night in the new Muslim Curry House that has opened near me I won't be doing that again, I woke up this morning with the Shi'ite's | |
Joke by staffer, in Sex and shit > Paedophile - Tagged shiites , morning , curry - Current Score: 77 - Added: 6 months ago
| TOP TIP To get sincere personal advice and the correct time, try calling a random telephone number in the early hours of the morning. | |
Joke by staffer, in Jokes with no home > Phone Call - Tagged morning , random , time , advice , viz - Current Score: 76 - Added: 7 months ago
| I've woken up every morning this week feeling like shit. Which is unusual, as I usually feel like cornflakes. | |
Joke by MICK THE MAG, in Jokes with no home > Shit - Tagged cornflakes , morning , sick , crap - Current Score: 40 - Added: 2 months ago
| I awoke early one morning The Earth lay cool and still When suddenly a tiny bird Perched on my windowsill He sang a song so lovely So carefree and so gay That slowly all my troubles Began to slip away He sang of far off places Of laughter and of fun It seemed his very trilling Brought up the morning sun I stirred beneath the covers Crept slowly out of bed Gently shut the window And crushed his fucking head! I am NOT a morning person!! | |
Joke by Shimmergirl3260, in Jokes with no home > Poem - Tagged bird , dead , crushed , poem , morning - Current Score: 30 - Added: 7 months ago
| I woke up this morning and there was a letter on the doormat labelled, "Please don't bend". I thought, "How the fuck am I going to pick it up then?" | |
Joke by welshmadman, in Jokes with no home > POST OFFICE - Tagged lee mack , letter , post , man , house , mail , morning , early - Current Score: 23 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| How annoying would it be to be married to Heather Mills? Every morning you would wake up, she would still have a bigger wood than you! | |
Joke by sparkyjcs, in Celebrity and news events > Heather Mills - Tagged heather mills , wood , morning , marriage - Current Score: 23 - Added: 6 months ago
| I like to start my day with a nice cuddle and a shag. Although I think he'd probably prefer a walk and a game of fetch. | |
Joke by ReigatePen, in Sex and shit > Bestiality - Tagged bestiality , dog , sex , morning - Current Score: 23 - Added: 5 months ago
| A married couple have been together for years. One morning, the husband is reading his newspaper when his wife tells him "I wish I were your newspaper, then you'd give me your full attention for hours every day." "Oh, that's nice darling," says the man. "You know, I wish I could have a wife like a newspaper." "Oh yes," says the woman. "Because then you'd be able to put your hands all over me every day?" "No," says the husband. "Because then I could throw out the old one every night and pick up a nice, fresh, new one every morning." | |
Joke by pottyonetoo, in Jokes with no home > Marriage - Tagged newspaper , morning - Current Score: 21 - Added: 3 months ago
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