A boy comes home from primary school one day. His mother notices that he's got a big smile on his face. She asks, "You look happy, did anything special happen at school today?" "Yes mum - I had sex with my English teacher!" he replied. The mother is stunned. "Get up them stairs now and wait until your father gets home!" The dad comes home and hears the news; he's as pleased as punch. Beaming with pride, he walks over to his son and says, "I hear you had sex with your English teacher." "That's right, Dad." "Well, you became a man today - this is a cause for celebration. Let's get fish and chips, then I'll buy you that bike you've been asking for." "Mint! - but can I have a football instead? My arse is killing me."

In a second grade class, a little girl asks, "Teacher, can my Mommy get pregnant?" "How old is your mother, dear?" asks the teacher. "Forty." she replies. "Yes, dear, your mother could get pregnant." The little girl then asks, "Can my big sister get pregnant?" "Well, dear, how old is your sister?" The little girl answers, "Nineteen." "Oh yes, dear, your sister certainly could get pregnant." The little girl then asks, "Can I get pregnant?" "How old are you, dear?" The little girl answers, "I'm seven years old." "No, dear, you can't get pregnant..." Then, the little boy behind the little girl gives her a poke and says, "See, I told you we had nothing to worry about."

A mother is in the kitchen making supper for her family when her youngest daughter walks in. The child asks, "Mother, where do babies come from? " "Well dear...a mommy and daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their room...they kiss and hug and have sex." The daughter looks puzzled. "That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy's vagina. That's how you get a baby, honey." The daughter replies, "Oh I see, but the other night when I came into you and daddy's room you had daddy's penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?" "Jewellery, dear."

A young boy walks into his mum's bedroom as she is getting dressed. He points between her legs and says, "Mummy, what's that between your legs?" Embarrassed, she thinks quickly and replies, "that's where your dad hit me with his axe." To which the lad counters, "that was a good shot, he got you right in the cunt!"

Finding her young son scooping ice cream in the kitchen, a mother raged, "Dinner is going to be ready soon. Put that ice cream away and go and play." "But mum" wailed the child, "There's no one to play with." "OK," said the mother wearily, "I'll play with you. What do you want to play?" "Lets play mummy and daddy. You go upstairs and lie on the bed." So the mother went upstairs and lay on the bed. The boy put on his father's fishing hat, lit up one of his cigars, went upstairs and opened the bedroom door. Seeing him standing there, the mother asked,"Now what do I do?" The boy answered, "Get your ass out of bed you whore and fix that kid some fucking ice cream!"

My wife recently complained about my lack of interest in her family. So I fucked her mother.

"Mum, why are wedding dresses white?" The mother looks at her son and replies, "Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure." The son thanks his Mum and goes off to double-check this with his father. "Dad why are wedding dresses white?" The father looks at his son in surprise and says, "Son, all household appliances come in white."

Dear Susan, I am writing to tell you that our relationship must end, I am not the man you think I am. For a long time I have been sexually attracted to your sister.On several occasions I have had sex with her and I know you will find this unbearable. What is probably worse than sleeping with your sister is the fact that I have also been having a sexual relationship with your mother. Add this to the fact that, after a drunken night out, I had anal sex with your brother, you will now see what a terrible person I am. One final confession susan. Shortly after I started a sexual relationship with you, your father started pestering me for sex and yes I gave in to him. And so Susan you must now see why I must end our relationship. I know this is all a shock but it is better out in the open. I am so very sorry if I've hurt you,I never meant to. Your loving brother, David xxx

My mother's a gullible old dear, so when she asked me what I wanted for my birthday, I wrote out a list. She spent hours at the shopping centre trying to find an air guitar, and a fanny magnet. But she wasn't fooled at all by my request for the book; "French Military Victories."

A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her 5-year-old son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son saying, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now...because this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train...because we're going down the tracks." The horrified mother went in and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train .... but I want you to use nice language." Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say..."All passengers, please remember your things, thank you and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She heard her little darling continue..."For those of you just boarding, remember, there is no smoking in the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today." As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay.....please see the bitch in the kitchen...."

Custurd spent 0.48ms doing 12 queries and 0.1s processing. She's 4.36% angry.
Sickipedia v2.7 - a cr3ative media® project. © '05-09 Rob Manuel