Sorted by: Highest Scoring | Lowest Scoring | Newest | Oldest
Page 1 of 2 - Next Page
| Old man Murphy had worked down at the brewery for years, but one day, he just wasn't paying attention and he tripped on the walkway and fell over into the beer vat and drowned. The foreman thought it should be his job to inform the widow Murphy of her old man's death. He showed up at the front door and rang the bell. When she came to the door, he said, "I'm sorry to tell you, but poor old Murphy passed away at work today when he fell into the vat and drowned." She wept and covered her face with her apron and after a time, between sobs, she asked, "Tell me, did he suffer?" "I don't think so," said the foreman: "He got out three times to go to the toilet. |    |
Joke by mickle, in Religion and racism > Irish - Tagged murphy , brewery , beer , dead , me , vat - Current Score: 70 - Added: 6 months, 24 days ago
| Murphy: "You've a nice couple of goldfish there Paddy. What are their names?" Paddy: "I've called them, One and Two". Murphy: "Why is that then Paddy?" Paddy: "'Coz if One dies, I've still got Two". | |
Joke by Guest, in Religion and racism > Irish - Tagged fish , paddy , murphy - Current Score: 58 - Added: 8 months, 23 days ago
| 2 Irishmen in a dark cave. 'I can't see anything' says Paddy, 'Do you have a match?' Murphy gives him a match and he strikes it against the wall of the cave and nothing happens. He strikes it again, still nothing. He then says 'Murphy, this match doesn't work.' 'That's funny' says Murphy, 'It worked OK this morning.' | |
Joke by mycockisbiggerthanyours, in Religion and racism > Irish - Tagged paddy , murphy - Current Score: 36 - Added: 10 months ago
| Paddy and Murphy are at the airport, queuing at check-in at the beginning of their holiday. "I wish I had brought the TV with me" said Paddy "Why's that?" asks Murphy "Because the fucking tickets are on top of it" | |
Joke by oldskooliain1982, in Religion and racism > Irish - Tagged paddy , murphy , irish , airport , tickets - Current Score: 29 - Added: 2 months ago
| A doctor in Dublin wanted a day off work to go fishing, so he approached his assistant. 'Murphy, I am going fishing tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all me patients'. 'Yes, sir!' answers Murphy. The doctor goes fishing and returns the following day and asks: 'So,Murphy, how was your day?' Murphy told him that he took care of three patients. 'The first one had a headache, so he did, so I gave him Paracetamol.' 'Bravo Murphy lad, and the second one?' asks the doctor. 'The second one had indigestion and I gave him Gaviscon, so I did sir' says Murphy. 'Bravo, bravo! You're good at this and what about the third one?' asks the doctor. 'Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door flies open and a young gorgeous woman borsts in, so she does. Like a bolt outta the blue, she tears off her clothes, taking off everyting including her bra and her panties and lies down on the table, spreading her legs and shouts: 'HELP ME for the love of St Patrick! For five years I have not seen any man!'' "Thunderin Lord Jesus Murphy, what did you do?' asks the doctor. 'I put drops in her eyes.' | |
Joke by pluvius, in Sex and shit > Doctor - Tagged doctor , paddy , murphy , eyes - Current Score: 16 - Added: 5 months, 24 days ago
| Paddy and Murphy are piloting a glider when Paddy turns and says, "hey, Murphy, if I turn this plane upside down, will we fall out?" To which Murphy replies, "don't be so stupid, we've been friends for years." | |
Joke by hoofhearted, in Religion and racism > Irish - Tagged irish , paddy , murphy , plane - Current Score: 13 - Added: 6 months, 25 days ago
| Two Irish blokes were stood on a cliff with their arms out: one had a row of budgies on each arm and the other had a row of parrots down each arm and they both jumped off, landing on the rocks below. Later, in hospital, both with multiple broken bones and cuts and bruises, Paddy said, "well, I'm not going budgie jumping again." And Murphy said, "and that's the last time I'll try parrot gliding." | |
Joke by appy2be, in Religion and racism > Irish - Tagged paddy , murphy , budgie , parrot - Current Score: 11 - Added: 8 months ago
| Paddy and Murphy are walking down the street. All of a sudden, Paddy falls down a manhole. Murphy shouts down, "are you OK Paddy? Is it dark down there?" To which Paddy replied, "I don't know, I can't see a fuckin' thing." | |
Joke by appy2be, in Religion and racism > Irish - Tagged paddy , murphy , dark - Current Score: 10 - Added: 5 months, 28 days ago
| Paddy & Murphy are walking home after a night out and they pass the bus depot."Let's nick a bus!", says Paddy not wanting to walk home.He then offers to keep watch while Murphy breaks in.Twenty minutes later he looks through the gates to see Murphy flapping."I can't find a no.7 anywhere",Murphy yells."You fucking idiot" replies Paddy "Just take a no.9 and we'll walk from the roundabout!". | |
Joke by hoofhearted, in Religion and racism > Irish - Tagged paddy , murphy , irish - Current Score: 10 - Added: 8 months ago
| Paddy and Murphy were constructing a shed in the back garden. While nailing the back to the lefthand side of the shed Paddy was using some nails and chucking the others to the righthand side of the shed. Murphy said "Why do you keep throwing nails to the other side?" Paddy replied, "Those have points on the wrong end, i'll use them later." | |
Joke by stopher, in Religion and racism > Irish - Tagged paddy , murphy , nails - Current Score: 1 - Added: 7 months ago
Page 1 of 2 - Next Page
Custurd spent 0.07ms doing 12 queries and 0.09s processing. She's 1.35% angry.
Sickipedia v2.7 - a cr3ative media® project. © '05-09 Rob Manuel