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| I went into B&Q yesterday. I went up to the counter and asked the bloke for some nails. He said, "how long do you want them?" I said, "I want to fucking keep 'em." |    |
Joke by pornstar, in Jokes with no home > Accident - Tagged b&q , nails , bloke , diy - Current Score: 172 - Added: 2 months, 27 days ago
| How many nails are used to make a lesbian's coffin? None - it's all tongue and groove | |
Joke by gazstewi, in Sex and shit > Lesbian - Tagged nails , lesbian , coffin - Current Score: 66 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| After an explosion, police found bodies stuck to the wall and ceiling. They think it was an act of a 'No More Nails' Bomber. | |
Joke by turner850, in Religion and racism > Afghans - Tagged bomber , suicide , police , nails - Current Score: 21 - Added: 2 months, 27 days ago
| I used to file my nails, but I thought: 'what's the point in keeping them?' | |
Joke by boatshoes, in Jokes with no home > Puns - Tagged nails , file , point , tim vine - Current Score: 18 - Added: 2 months, 10 days ago
| Whats sicker than ten dead babies nailed to a tree? A dead baby nailed to ten trees. | |
Joke by avro, in Jokes with no home > Baby - Tagged baby , nails , sick , lol - Current Score: 18 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| A woman was at the undertaker's arranging her late husbands funeral. "Do you have any special requests?" asks the undertaker. "Well he was bald and never went anywere without his wig but everytime I put it on his head it slides off," she said. "I'll sort that out for you - come back in an hour," he said. So an hour later she returned and the wig was perfectly placed on the dead man's head. "Oh thank you," she said, "you must let me pay you something for that and I won't take no for an answer." The undertaker said, "well just give me a pound for the nails then." | |
Joke by appy2be, in Illness and mortality > Funeral - Tagged undertaker , funeral , wig , nails - Current Score: 5 - Added: 3 months, 29 days ago
| Paddy and Murphy were constructing a shed in the back garden. While nailing the back to the lefthand side of the shed Paddy was using some nails and chucking the others to the righthand side of the shed. Murphy said "Why do you keep throwing nails to the other side?" Paddy replied, "Those have points on the wrong end, i'll use them later." | |
Joke by stopher, in Religion and racism > Irish - Tagged paddy , murphy , nails - Current Score: 1 - Added: 4 months, 23 days ago
| Paddy started his new job as a roofer. His foreman, Murphy, watched him as he nailed a slate in place, took out the next nail, looked at and tossed it away, nailed a slate in place, took out the next nail, looked at and tossed it away, nailed a slate in place, took out the next nail, looked at and tossed it away and so on. Murphy asked, "why do you keep throwing dem nails away like dat?" Paddy replied, "coz half of dem got the points at the wrong end!" Murphy replied, "well, don't waste dem like dat, save dem for when we do the ceiling inside." | |
Joke by pluvius, in Religion and racism > Irish - Tagged roofer , nails , paddy - Current Score: -1 - Added: 1 month, 18 days ago
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