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| I was at my nan's house and she doesn't like swearing. I said, "crap" and she told me to put 20p in the swear jar. "I only have a pound," I told her, but she had no change. I threw in the pound anyway and said, "shit, you fucking bitch, take it all you thieving cunt." |    |
Joke by albinobob123, in Jokes with no home > Accident - Tagged swearing , nan - Current Score: 186 - Added: 7 months ago
| "Should I take the blue pill or the red pill?" "Nan, just eat the fucking Smarties." | |
Joke by csw2342, in Illness and mortality > Alzheimers - Tagged nan , pill , smarties , alzeimers , old age , old people , sweets , mental illness , grandmother - Current Score: 106 - Added: 2 months ago
| I took my nan out the other week, I couldn't believe what she was saying: "What are you doing here, go back to Africa, go back to India." Everyone was looking at us. I said, "Nan, it's a Zoo." | |
Joke by tw2361, in Jokes with no home > Accident - Tagged nan , zoo , harry hill , hooves , animals - Current Score: 101 - Added: 6 months ago
| My nan always said that she wanted to die at home surrounded by her family. So we all went round there last night and stabbed her. | |
Joke by QuagmireMaterialistica, in Illness and mortality > Death - Tagged death , nan - Current Score: 79 - Added: 3 months ago
| My poor old nan's going downhill fast. Maybe I should've had a better grip of her wheelchair handles. | |
Joke by ReigatePen, in Illness and mortality > Wheelchair - Tagged wheelchair , nan - Current Score: 76 - Added: 3 weeks ago
| My mum once told me that doctors smack the bum of new born babies to make them start breathing. My mum disowned me years ago though - apparently it doesn't work on your nan on her deathbed. | |
Joke by Aspen, in Illness and mortality > Nan - Tagged nan , death , dead , deathbed , baby , mum - Current Score: 24 - Added: 3 months ago
| Bungee jumping is like receiving head from your gran. It feels good, so long as you don't look down | |
Joke by BedfordshireLass, in Sex and shit > Blow Job - Tagged nan , blow job , head , bungee jumoing - Current Score: 19 - Added: 1 year ago
| During Sex Education, boy at school was given an essay on childbirth and asked his parents, "How was I born?" "Well..." said his slightly prudish mum,"the stork brought you to us." "Oh, right" said the boy. "Well, how did you and Dad get born?" he asked. "Oh, the stork brought us too," she replied. "Well.... how were Nan and Grandad born then?" he persisted. "Well darling, the stork brought them too!" said his mum, by now starting to squirm a little. Next day, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence: "This essay has been very difficult to write because there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations." | |
Joke by pomstar, in Sex and shit > Sex Education - Tagged sex education , stork , dad , grandad , nan , school , essay , childbirth - Current Score: 17 - Added: 1 week ago
| My Nan was cremated today...that'll teach her to use hairspray while lighting a fag | |
Joke by whogivesashit, in Illness and mortality > Cremation - Tagged fag means cigarette , hairspray , nan , gone - Current Score: 16 - Added: 4 months ago
| I went to see a medium earlier. She said, "Your nan wants you to know she's so proud of you" and I immediately burst into tears. She said, "are you okay?" I said, "no, when I left her house this morning she was fine!" | |
Joke by Aspen, in Jokes with no home > Medium - Tagged medium , nan , psychic - Current Score: 9 - Added: 5 months ago
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