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| Thought for the day: Never be afraid to try something new: remember that a lone amateur built the Ark, a large group of professionals built the Titanic. |    |
Joke by bobbydgg, in Jokes with no home > Advice - Tagged titanic , new - Current Score: 143 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| Bill Clinton is walking down a corridor in the White House when he sees a pretty young girl walking towards him. "Hello," he says "Are you new here?" "Yes," she replies "I started yesterday." "Ah," answers Bill "I thought I hadn't come across your face before." | |
Joke by the phantom phucker, in Celebrity and news events > Bill Clinton - Tagged bill clinton , white house , girl , new , come , face - Current Score: 105 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| New sex drug on the market. It's called viazac. Half viagra, half prozac. Its fantastic- if you don't get a fuck, you don't give a fuck. "REPEAT" | |
Joke by stopher, in Sex and shit > Viagra - Tagged new , fuck , fuck - Current Score: 95 - Added: 5 months ago
| What Pisses me off......... ONE People who point at their wrist while asking for the time....I know where my watch is pal, where the fuck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is? TWO People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually. THREE When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Fuckin right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it? FOUR When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the fuck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? FIVE When people say while watching a film "did you see that?" No tosser, I paid 10 bucks to come to the movies and stare at the fuckin floor. SIX People who ask "Can I ask you a question?". Didn't really give me a choice there, did you sunshine? SEVEN When something is 'new and improved!' Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it. EIGHT When people say "life is short". What the fuck?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever fuckin does!! What can you do that's longer? NINE When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, Knobhead? TEN People who say things like 'My eyes aren't what they used to be'. So what did they used to be? ears, ELEVEN When you're eating something and someone asks 'Is that nice?' No it's really revolting - I always eat stuff I hate. TWELVE People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that's an image I really didn't need. THIRTEEN McDonalds staff who pretend they don't understand you unless you insert the 'Mc' before the item you are ordering.....It's has to be a McChicken Burger, just a Chicken Burger get blank looks..........Well, I'll get a McStraw and jam it in your McEyes you fuckin McTosser. FOURTEEN When you involved in a accident and someone asks 'are you alright?' Yes fine thanks, I'll just pick up my limbs and be off FIFTEEN When people say 'can I borrow a piece of paper i'll pay you back' It's one god damn piece of paper you fucking retards i don't want it back | |
Joke by knuffles, in Jokes with no home > Random - Tagged billy connolly , mcdonalds , paper , funny , fuck , toliet , image , revolting , eat , knob , new , improved , tosser , swearing , arse - Current Score: 82 - Added: 11 months ago
| Epileptic carpets have just been introduced to the market... ...Apparently they fit themselves! | |
Joke by geebee, in Illness and mortality > Epilepsy - Tagged carpet fitting , new - Current Score: 55 - Added: 4 months ago
| Apparently, in about 70 years there will be no more newborn kids that are naturally ginger. See, even Mother Nature hates them. | |
Joke by charlieeee, in Religion and racism > Ginger - Tagged new , born , natural , mother , nature - Current Score: 43 - Added: 6 months ago
| A man has been driving all night and he is exhausted, so he pulls in to a park to get a sleep in his car. He is just ready to get to sleep when his window gets knocked and a jogger is standing and asks the time to which the man replies "it's 7 o'clock". So the man is just about sleeping again when his window is knocked on again and another jogger is standing and asks the same question to which the man replies angrily " it's 10 past 7". The man now annoyed at the fact he can't get to sleep takes a pen and some paper and writes "I do not know the time," and sticks the sign to the window. 10 minutes later the man is dosing off when his window is knocked and a jogger is standing and the man shouts "WHAT DO YOU WANT?" and the jogger replies, "It's half past 7." | |
Joke by fraz210691, in Jokes with no home > Stupid - Tagged man , driving , time , jogger , new - Current Score: 14 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| What do you call 15 guys sitting around the TV watching the Rugby World Cup final? The All Blacks. | |
Joke by immortalshadow666, in Religion and racism > Kiwis - Tagged new , zealand , rugby , final , all blacks , tv - Current Score: 13 - Added: 1 year, 7 months ago
| What's an Australian kiss? The same as a French kiss but down under. | |
Joke by coasterdude184, in Sex and shit > Sex - Tagged french , austrasian , polynesian , aussie , kiwi , new , zealand , kiss - Current Score: 6 - Added: 4 months ago
| The jokes about paedophilia are getting old... Fortunatly, millions of new ones are born every year. | |
Joke by wub, in Sex and shit > Paedophile - Tagged paedophilia , millions , new , born , every , year - Current Score: 4 - Added: 9 months ago
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