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| What does a Newcastle fan do after his team has just beaten Real Madrid in the Champions League? Turn his Playstation off and gets into bed with his sister. |    |
Joke by comandhaveagoifyouthinkyourhardenough, in Celebrity and news events > Newcastle United - Tagged newcastle - Current Score: 209 - Added: 7 months, 27 days ago
| My mate has just called to ask if I want any tickets to watch a couple of comedy acts on 21st December. I asked, “Who's appearing?” He said, “Newcastle and Spurs.” | |
Joke by staffer, in Celebrity and news events > Football - Tagged newcastle , spurs , comedy , acts - Current Score: 181 - Added: 1 month, 23 days ago
| I can't imagine the whole Newcastle crowd singing: 'Theres only one Joe Kinnear.' The pitch is full of 'em. | |
Joke by mongo, in Celebrity and news events > Football - Tagged newcastle , football - Current Score: 157 - Added: 2 months, 6 days ago
| Try saying 'halal meat' without sounding like a Geordie greeting someone. | |
Joke by bighairybollocks, in Religion and racism > Geordies - Tagged geordie , halal meat , newcastle , dialects , howay the lads - Current Score: 130 - Added: 3 months, 14 days ago
| Paul 'Gazza' Gascoigne has been sectioned under the Mental Health Act and sent to an institution for retards with no chance of recovery. "We're glad to have him back!" said Kevin Keegan. | |
Joke by fuckingliability, in Celebrity and news events > Gazza - Tagged gazza , gascoigne , newcastle , retard , football , keegan - Current Score: 111 - Added: 9 months, 10 days ago
| Newcastle united's trophy room has been broken into and contents stolen. Police are currently looking for a man in possession of a black and white carpet. | |
Joke by the_ando, in Celebrity and news events > Football - Tagged newcastle , won fuck all - Current Score: 106 - Added: 8 months, 23 days ago
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Following the problems in the financial sector in the US, uncertainty has now hit Japan. In the last 7 days Origami Bank has folded, Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank announced plans to cut some of its branches. Yesterday, it was announced that Karaoke Bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song, while today shares in Kamikaze Bank were suspended after they nose-dived. While Samurai Bank is soldiering on following sharp cutbacks, Ninja Bank is reported to have taken a hit, but they remain in the black. Furthermore, 500 staff at Karate Bank got the chop and analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank where it is feared that staff may get a raw deal | |
Joke by mycockisbiggerthanyours, in Celebrity and news events > Northern Rock - Tagged northern rock , bankrupt , bankruptcy , newcastle , sushi , japan , sumo , origami , bonsai - Current Score: 102 - Added: 10 months, 17 days ago
| Newcastle United have come up with a plan to ease their financial worries. They are going to get Joey Barton to warm up for half an hour and see how much money the opposition fans can throw at him. | |
Joke by sticky, in Celebrity and news events > Joey Barton - Tagged joey barton , newcastle - Current Score: 87 - Added: 1 month, 6 days ago
| A bloke goes into the Job Centre in Newcastle and sees a card advertising for a Gynaecologist's Assistant. Interested he goes to learn more. "Can you give me some more details about this?" he asks the guy behind the desk. The Job Centre guy sifts through his files and replies, "Uh - yes I've had quite a few enquiries about this job. The job entails you getting patients ready for the gynaecologist. You have to help them out of their underwear, lie them down and wash their nether regions. Then apply shaving foam and shave off all their pubic hair then rub in soothing oils so they're ready for the gynaecologist's examination. There's an annual salary of £45,000 but I'm afraid you'll have to travel to Oxford." "Oh why, is that where the job's based?" "No. That's where the end of the queue is" | |
Joke by Guest, in Sex and shit > Gynaecologist - Tagged job , oxford , queue , gynaecology , newcastle , assistant - Current Score: 85 - Added: 10 months, 3 days ago
| Shannon Matthews has been found safe and well. Her first words were, "Have Newcastle won yet?" "Fuck off," replies the copper, "You've only been missing a month..." | |
Joke by Zardoz, in Celebrity and news events > Shannon Matthews - Tagged shannon , matthews , newcastle , united - Current Score: 75 - Added: 8 months, 18 days ago
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