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| What's all this rubbish I keep hearing about Hamilton winning at the weekend? According to my newspaper they got beat 2-0 by Motherwell. |    |
Joke by wolverine, in Celebrity and news events > Lewis Hamilton, F1 - Tagged football , newspaper - Current Score: 152 - Added: 4 weeks ago
| The crossword editor of the sun newspaper died today, his funeral is on monday...he's going to be buried six down and three across | |
Joke by pornstar, in Illness and mortality > Death - Tagged newspaper , sun , crossword , buried , down , across - Current Score: 114 - Added: 4 months, 30 days ago
| Commenting on a complaint from a Mr Arthur Purdey about a large gas bill, a spokesman for North West Gas said, "We agree it was rather high for the time of year. "It's possible Mr Purdey has been charged for the gas used up during the explosion that destroyed his house." (The Daily Telegraph) | |
Joke by Smegs, in Celebrity and news events > Crazy news - Tagged news , newspaper - Current Score: 74 - Added: 8 months, 20 days ago
| The danish newspaper editor who enraged muslims by printing a cartoon has apologised and said, it was never his intention to upset the muslim people. His new book 'Allah is a cunt' goes on sale tomorrow. | |
Joke by cariad73, in Sex and shit > Paedophile - Tagged newspaper , racism , muslim , allah - Current Score: 51 - Added: 1 year, 6 months ago
| The event made headlines news in the local paper. "Man of 80 marries Girl of 21." The couple held a press conference after their honeymoon. "How often do you have sex?" shouted the Journalists. "Nearly every night!" replied the man. "Nearly on Monday, nearly on Tuesday, Wednesday..." | |
Joke by peeps, in Sex and shit > Oldies - Tagged newspaper , man , woman , honeymoon - Current Score: 46 - Added: 7 months, 13 days ago
| A young girl who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable teeth was rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster. A coast guard spokesman commented, "This sort of thing is all too common". | |
Joke by Smegs, in Celebrity and news events > Random news - Tagged news , crazy , newspaper , the times - Current Score: 46 - Added: 8 months, 20 days ago
| A paperboy of about 16 is doing his monthly round of collecting money from customers. One door is opened by a fairly sexy,buxom woman, who is wearing a transparent lace negligee. "Hi Missus I've come for the paper money, it's £5 please." says our boy, with his hand held out. "I'm afraid I've no money in the house," the woman replies in a breathy voice, "but if you come in I'm sure I can think of something..." So our lad goes in and the woman throws herself back on the fireside rug, pulling off the negligee, moaning "You can have ME instead..." The kid sighs, takes off his bag, and then produces a dick that would be more in place on a stud stallion. The woman is agog. Our lad then produces a load of big rubber rings from his bag, which he proceeds to stack around his giant knob. "What are they for?" asks the woman. "Oh, they're just to make sure I don't go all the way in when I shag you." replies the boy. "To hell with them! implores the woman, "I'll take all of you!" Our lad replies... "Not for five fucking quid you won't!" | |
Joke by Desired Username, in Sex and shit > Young girls - Tagged sex , newspaper , cockrings , money - Current Score: 26 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| Mrs Irene Graham of Thorpe Avenue, Boscombe, delighted the audience with her reminiscence of the German prisoner of war who was sent each week to do her garden. He was repatriated at the end of 1945, she recalled. "He'd always seemed a nice friendly chap, but when the crocuses came up in the middle of our lawn in February 1946, they spelt out 'Heil Hitler.'" (Bournemouth Evening Echo) | |
Joke by Smegs, in Religion and racism > German - Tagged german , nazi , practical joke , newspaper - Current Score: 25 - Added: 8 months, 20 days ago
| A married couple have been together for years. One morning, the husband is reading his newspaper when his wife tells him "I wish I were your newspaper, then you'd give me your full attention for hours every day." "Oh, that's nice darling," says the man. "You know, I wish I could have a wife like a newspaper." "Oh yes," says the woman. "Because then you'd be able to put your hands all over me every day?" "No," says the husband. "Because then I could throw out the old one every night and pick up a nice, fresh, new one every morning." | |
Joke by pottyonetoo, in Jokes with no home > Marriage - Tagged newspaper , morning - Current Score: 21 - Added: 1 month, 30 days ago
| My uncle reads the obituaries every day. He can never get over the fact that people always seem to die in alphabetical order. | |
Joke by cooperman, in Illness and mortality > Death - Tagged obituary , newspaper - Current Score: 18 - Added: 10 months, 26 days ago
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