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| Those bastards in the pub, they told me it would be okay to keep a turkey in the freezer for up to three months. I put one in last night, and when I checked this morning, it was fucking dead. |    |
Joke by staffer, in Jokes with no home > Pub - Tagged dead , night , three , freezer , turkey - Current Score: 159 - Added: 5 months, 4 days ago
| I took the wife for a night on the town. She told me she wanted to get smashed. So I pushed her in front of a bus. | |
Joke by justincider, in Sex and shit > Wife - Tagged night , town , bus , pushed - Current Score: 126 - Added: 2 months, 4 days ago
| What's 18 inches long, stiff, and makes women scream at night? Cot death. | |
Joke by caliban, in Illness and mortality > Dead Babies - Tagged inch , inches , stiff , hard , scream , night , cry , baby , babies , women , woman , cot death , cot , dead , death - Current Score: 100 - Added: 1 year, 6 months ago
| A recent survey was conducted to discover why men get out of bed in the middle of the night: - 5% said it was to get a glass of water. - 12% said it was to go to the toilet. - 83% said it was to go home. | |
Joke by welsh twat, in Jokes with no home > Man - Tagged man , survey , night , bed - Current Score: 76 - Added: 4 months, 7 days ago
| Jesus walks into a hotel, throws a bag of nails on the counter and says, "Can you put me up for the night?" | |
Joke by caliban, in Religion and racism > Christianity - Tagged jesus , one liners , christian , christianity , christ , nail , nails , cross , hotel , night , god - Current Score: 62 - Added: 1 year, 6 months ago
| Went to Bridgend for a night out, turned out pretty boring. Lots of people just hanging about. | |
Joke by mickle, in Celebrity and news events > Bridgend - Tagged night , out , boring , hanging , bridgend - Current Score: 57 - Added: 9 months, 14 days ago
| Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near a gas station that was closed for the night. They approached one of the gas pumps and the younger alien addressed it saying, 'Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader.' The gas pump, of course, didn't respond. The younger alien became angry at the lack of response. The older alien said, 'I'd calm down if I were you.' The younger alien ignored the warning and repeated his greeting. Again, there was no response. Annoyed by what he perceived to be the pump's haughty attitude, he drew his ray gun and said impatiently, 'Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Do not ignore us this way! Take us to your leader or I will fire!' The older alien again warned his comrade saying, 'You probably don't want to do that! I really don't think you should make him mad.' 'Rubbish,' replied the cocky, young alien. He aimed his weapon at the pump and opened fire. There was a huge explosion. A massive fireball roared towards them and blew the younger alien off his feet and deposited him a burnt, smoking mess about 200 yards away in a cactus patch. Half an hour passed. When he finally regained consciousness, he refocused his three eyes, straightened his bent antenna, and looked dazedly at the older, wiser alien who was standing over him shaking his big, green head. 'What a ferocious creature!' exclaimed the young, fried alien. 'He damn near killed me! How did you know he was so dangerous?' The older alien leaned over, placed a friendly feeler on his crispy friend and replied, 'If there's one thing I've learned during my intergalactic travels, you don't want to mess with a guy who can wrap his dick around himself twice and then stick it in his ear. | |
Joke by klippies, in Sex and shit > Cock - Tagged alien , dick , arizona , gas , pump , night , gun , fire , weapon , smoking , creature - Current Score: 33 - Added: 2 weeks ago
| I'm still a virgin. I've been waiting for the right person... In fact, I've been waiting for the right person every night this week, in an alley between 11pm and 1am. | |
Joke by albinobob123, in Sex and shit > Virgin - Tagged virgin , wait , waiting , person , rape , alley , dark , night , sex , virginity , rapist - Current Score: 32 - Added: 3 months, 11 days ago
| What's the best thing for a hangover? Lots to drink the night before. | |
Joke by cooperman, in Jokes with no home > Alcohol - Tagged hangover , drink , night - Current Score: 28 - Added: 10 months, 8 days ago
| Has anyone else seen the new Batman film 'The Dark Knight'? I thought Heath Ledger's performance was really convincing; You couldn't even see the strings. | |
Joke by PLaGuE CeLL, in Illness and mortality > A Man Was...... - Tagged heath , ledger , heath ledger , batman , dark knight , dark , knight , night , offensive , film - Current Score: 27 - Added: 4 months, 1 day ago
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