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| A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter. Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them... they're bound to be curious about sex at that age." "Curious about sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her fucking appendix out!" |    |
Joke by bobbydgg, in Illness and mortality > Children - Tagged doctors and nurses , doctor , nurse , sex , appendix - Current Score: 2347 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| I went to see the nurse this morning for my annual check-up. She said I had to stop wanking. When I asked why, she said, "because I'm trying to examine you!" | |
Joke by Wadey, in Jokes with no home > Medical - Tagged wanking , nurse , medical - Current Score: 815 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| A woman gives birth, and a nurse takes the baby into an adjacent room to clean it up. She re-enters and approaches the mother, the babe wrapped up in a towel in her arms. "Congratulations," she says. "It's a healthy baby girl." As she says this, she accidentally drops the baby, which promptly lands right on its squishy noggin. "My baby!" screams the mother. "Don't worry, I'll get it!" smiles the nurse. However, she unfortunately stumbles and places her foot right on the baby's face, before accidentally kicking it across the room. It hits the wall with a sickening crack before the nurse runs over to it, peels it off the floor and throws it out of the window. "What are you doing?!" yells the mother. "April Fools!" replies the nurse. "It was already dead!" | |
Joke by We Are The Lemon, in Illness and mortality > Dead Babies - Tagged baby , dead , dead baby , april , fools , april fools , mother , mum , pregnant , birth , hospital , nurse - Current Score: 756 - Added: 1 year, 8 months ago
| A woman has been in a coma for 3 months, showing no signs of recovery. One day, whilst giving her a bed bath, the nurse notices that there is a flicker on the monitor when they are cleaning her cunt. The doctors send for her husband and tactfully explain the situation suggesting that he tries oral sex to see if it gets a bigger response. So the medical staff draw the curtains to give him some privacy and await developments. After about five minutes all the monitors suddenly go berserk and they rush in to find the woman stone dead. "What happened?" demands a doctor... "Dunno, reckon she mighta choked," comes the reply. | |
Joke by sickfuck, in Illness and mortality > Coma - Tagged sex , coma , oral , doctor , nurse - Current Score: 398 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| A 75-year old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow." The next day, the 75-year old man reappears at the doctor's office and gives him the jar, which is as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asks what happened, and the man explains, "Well, first I tried with my right hand, but nothing happened. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand - nothing. Then with her left, still nothing. She even tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with the teeth out, and still nothing. We even called up the lady next door, and she tried with both hands and her mouth too, but nothing." The doctor was shocked. "You asked your NEIGHBOUR?" The old man replied, "Yep, but no matter what we tried, we couldn't get the fucking jar open!" | |
Joke by bobbydgg, in Illness and mortality > Old People - Tagged sperm , nurse , old people - Current Score: 305 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| I went to casualty yesterday and said to the nurse, "I've been stung by a wasp, have you got anything for it?" The nurse replied, "whereabout's is it?" I said, "I don't know, it'll be fucking miles away by now." | |
Joke by MICK THE MAG, in Jokes with no home > Accident - Tagged wasp , bee , stung , miles away , nurse - Current Score: 127 - Added: 2 months, 19 days ago
| A man was wheeling himself frantically down the hall of the hospital, just before his operation. A nurse stopped him and asked, "What's the matter?" He said, "I heard the nurse say, 'It's a very simple operation, don't worry, I'm sure it will be all right." "She was just trying to comfort you, what's so frightening about that?" "She was talking to the doctor!" | |
Joke by maxmoore, in Illness and mortality > Doctor - Tagged doctor , wheelchair , nurse - Current Score: 60 - Added: 5 months, 24 days ago
| A doctor walked into a bank. Preparing to endorse a check, he pulled a rectal thermometer out of his shirt pocket and tried to 'write' with it. Realizing his mistake, he looked at the thermometer with annoyance and said, "Fuckin' helll... some asshole's got my pen." | |
Joke by tommo, in Sex and shit > Anal - Tagged nurse , bank , arsehole - Current Score: 58 - Added: 10 months ago
| This old bloke goes into an old folks home because he keeps falling over and his son can't keep his eye on him all the time. On his first day in the home, a female nurse comes along to give him a wash and she notices he has a slight erection. With that, she gives him a blow job. He gets straight on the phone to his son, telling him that he just got a gobble and what a wonderful place it was. The following, day he's walking down a corridor and he falls over - suddenly, from behind, a male nurse gives him one up the arse. He gets straight on the phone to his son again and says "get me out of here, a male nurse just banged me up the arse." His son says, "look, dad, so you took one up the arse - you got a blow job yesterday, you have to take the rough with the smooth." The old bloke says, "fuck off, I get a hard on three times a year but I fall over three times a fucking day." | |
Joke by pornstar, in Jokes with no home > Pensioners - Tagged old , bloke , male , female , nurse , arse , phone , home , blow job , gobble , wash , erection - Current Score: 43 - Added: 10 months ago
| An old man was in hospital. Lying in bed, he leaned over to the pretty young nurse attending to him and whispered in her ear "Give us a kiss, luv!" "No!", replied the nurse "Oh go on!", said the man "No!", replied the nurse again "Please!", begged the old man, "Just a quick peck on the cheek?" "For the last time, no!", said the nurse, "I shouldn't even be wanking you off!" | |
Joke by Weetobix, in Sex and shit > Nurses - Tagged man , hospital , nurse , kiss , wanking - Current Score: 37 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
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