What do spinach and anal sex have in common? If you were forced to have it as a kid, you'll hate it as an adult.

What's the biggest cause of paedophilia in this country? Sexy kids.

"I'm a 14-year-old girl looking for a 45-55 year old man for online webcam fun. Email me: operationlolita@metpolice.uk"

Has it ever occurred to you that maybe you are a paedophile, but you just haven't met the right child yet?

My girlfriend said I've got the biggest cock she'd ever seen, That's one of the benefits of going out with a 10 year old.

Why did the Prophet Mohammed marry a six-year-old? Because he was a paedophile.

I met a 14 year old girl on the internet. She was clever, funny, sexy and flirty, so I suggested we meet up. She turned out to be an undercover detective. How cool is that at her age?!

I was walking along a high cliff one day and saw a little boy, all alone and he was crying. I asked him, "Son, what are you doing up here all alone?" He replied, with tears in his eyes, "My mum's down there at the bottom. She fell!" "That's terrible!" I said. "And your dad?" "He's down there right next to her. He tried to save her and he fell too!" "That's awful!" I said. We shared a quiet moment there, together, looking out at the sky over that grand cliff. And then, when he asked me why I was unbuckling my belt, I told him, "Son, today just isn't your day."

Me and the wife were trying roleplay in the bedroom last night. She walked out in a huff after 30 seconds. Apparently, asking your wife to pretend to be your daughter isn't very sexy.

A boy comes home from primary school one day. His mother notices that he's got a big smile on his face. She asks, "You look happy, did anything special happen at school today?" "Yes mum - I had sex with my English teacher!" he replied. The mother is stunned. "Get up them stairs now and wait until your father gets home!" The dad comes home and hears the news; he's as pleased as punch. Beaming with pride, he walks over to his son and says, "I hear you had sex with your English teacher." "That's right, Dad." "Well, you became a man today - this is a cause for celebration. Let's get fish and chips, then I'll buy you that bike you've been asking for." "Mint! - but can I have a football instead? My arse is killing me."

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