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| Doctor: It's bad news, you have cancer and Alzheimer's. Patient: Oh well, it could be worse - at least I don't have cancer. |    |
Joke by We Are The Lemon, in Illness and mortality > Cancer - Tagged doctor , patient , cancer , alzheimers , forgetful , forgot , doctors - Current Score: 261 - Added: 1 year, 11 months ago
| Doctor Dave had slept with one of his patients and felt really guilty. No matter how much he tried, the sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd hear an internal reassuring voice say, "don't worry Dave, you aren't the first doctor to sleep with a patient and you won't be the last, plus you're single, just let it go." But, invariably, the other voice would bring him back to reality by whispering, "Dave, you're a fucking vet." | |
Joke by BigJockKnew, in Illness and mortality > Doctor - Tagged doctor , patient , sex , voice , dave - Current Score: 137 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| Two patients at a mental hospital are walking down a corridor when one says "That clock on the wall, is it right?", and the other says "Yes", and the first says "Well whats it doing in here then!" | |
Joke by pornstar, in Illness and mortality > Mental Hospital - Tagged mental , patient , clock , hospital - Current Score: 61 - Added: 1 month, 5 days ago
| After being examined by a doctor, the patient asks, "is this a rare illness doctor?" The doctor says, "not really, the graveyards are full of people who had it!" | |
Joke by geebee, in Illness and mortality > Doctor - Tagged rare illness , graveyard , patient - Current Score: 60 - Added: 2 months, 7 days ago
| A big-shot businessman had to spend a couple of days in hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his employees. None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him. The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him. She walked into his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature." After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth. "No, I'm sorry, the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I can't use an oral thermometer." This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his behind. After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, "I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!" She left the door to his room open on her way out. He cursed under his breath as he heard people walking past his door, laughing. After almost an hour, the man's doctor came into the room. "What's going on here?" asked the doctor. Angrily, the man answered, "What's the matter, Doc? Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken before?" After a pause, the doctor replied, "Yes, but never with a daffodil!" | |
Joke by niggers out, in Illness and mortality > Hospital - Tagged nurse , patient , doctor , anal - Current Score: 24 - Added: 6 months, 20 days ago
| The Queen walks into a mental hospital. On one ward, our monarch comes across a man reaching up and putting something invisible into a basket. 'What are you doing?' Liz asks. 'I'm taking the stars from the sky!' the crazy git replies. Slightly perplexed, she moves onto the next patient who is reaching into the basket and then reaching up. 'And what are you doing?' she asks. 'I'm putting the stars back in the sky' he replies. Growing tired, she moves onto the next loony who is lying down and making car noises. 'And what the fuck are you doing?' the Queen asks, growing weary. 'Trying to get away from those two nutters!' he says. 'They're fucking mental!' | |
Joke by sexybiatch, in Illness and mortality > Mental Hospital - Tagged queen , mental , crazy , loony , patient - Current Score: 23 - Added: 8 months, 11 days ago
| "Doc," says Steve, "I want to be castrated." "What on earth for?" asks the doctor in amazement. "It's something I've been thinking about for a long time and I want to have it done" replies Steve. "But have you thought it through properly?" asks the doctor, "It's a very serious operation and once it's done, there's no going back. It will change your life forever!" "I'm aware of that and you're not going to change my mind; either you book me in to be castrated or I'll simply go to another doctor." "Well, OK.", says the doctor, "But it's against my better judgment!" So Steve has his operation, and the next day he is up and walking very slowly, legs apart, down the hospital corridor with his drip stand. Heading towards him is another patient, who is walking exactly the same way. "Hi there," says Steve, "It looks as if you've just had the same operation as me." "Well," said the patient, "I finally decided after 37 years of life that I would like to be circumcised." Steve stared at him in horror and screamed, "Shit! THAT'S the word!" | |
Joke by the phantom phucker, in Jokes with no home > castration - Tagged castrated , doctor , operation , patient , horror , circumcised - Current Score: 10 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
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