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| During class, a teacher trying to teach good manners questions the students, one by one. "Michael, if you were on a date, having supper with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?" she asked. "Just a minute, I have to go piss." The teacher replied "That would be rude and impolite! What about you John, how would you say it?" "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom, I'll be right back." The teacher responded, "That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the table." "And you Peter, are you able to use your intelligence for once and show us your good manners?" "I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment, I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get to meet after supper." |    |
Joke by tanz_kid, in Sex and shit > Penis - Tagged teacher , john , bathroom , piss , dick , cock , manners , darling , peter , jahi - Current Score: 199 - Added: 5 months, 10 days ago
| Apparantly Greater Manchester and Lancashire County Councils are struggling with a costly sewage treatment and recycling facility. They should ask Peter Kay for help- he is an expert at making money by re-using old shit over and over again. | |
Joke by bizlop, in Sex and shit > Shit - Tagged peter kay , peter , kay , bolton , manchester , shit , crap , bad stand up , comedy , garlic fucking bread - Current Score: 125 - Added: 5 months, 22 days ago
| Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. "In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven." The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle, he said." You may pass through the pearly gates Saint Peter said. The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells." Saint Peter said you may pass through the pearly gates. The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties. St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?" The man replied, "These are Carol's." | |
Joke by Token, in Religion and racism > Christianity - Tagged chrismas , peter , lighter , keys , panties - Current Score: 53 - Added: 11 months ago
| Jesus' disciple, Peter, is watching his master being crucified from the bottom of the hill. Suddenly he hears Jesus call to him, "Peter...Peter!" He immediately starts running up the hill. A Roman soldier blocks his path, "You can't come up here!" the soldier tells him. Peter exclaims, "But my lord is calling me! I must go to him!" and tries to push past the soldier. The soldier takes a club from his belt and smacks Peter round the head with it. Peter falls to the ground, dazed, but he hears Jesus calling to him again "Peter...Peter!" so he gets up and starts running again. A second Roman soldier blocks his path. The soldier tells him "You can't come up here" but again, Peter tries to protest and push past him. The soldier takes his sword from his belt and cuts Peter's arm off. Peter collapses in agony, but he hears Jesus calling to him again so he picks himself up and starts climbing up the rest of hill. Peter is only a few yards from the cross and seeing a third soldier he staggers around him as fast as he can. The soldier picks up a spear and throws it at him. The spear hits Peter through the back just as he reaches Jesus' feet. Peter looks up at Jesus and asks him, "Lord...you called for me...I am here..." Jesus looks down at his disciple and says "Peter...Peter...I can see your house from up here." | |
Joke by Dave, in Religion and racism > Jesus - Tagged religion , jesus , peter - Current Score: 15 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| What's got two heads, four arms, and four legs? Peter Tobin's garden | |
Joke by Guest, in Celebrity and news events > Peter Tobin - Tagged peter , tobin , garden - Current Score: 10 - Added: 11 months ago
| What's worse than letting the McCanns take your child on holiday? Letting them play in Peter Tobins sand pit. | |
Joke by Guest, in Celebrity and news events > Madeleine McCann - Tagged peter , tobin , sand , pit - Current Score: 8 - Added: 11 months ago
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