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Showing all jokes.
| What do you call a black guy flying a plane? A pilot, you fucking racist. |    |
Joke by Noit, in Religion and racism > Pakistani - Tagged black , pilot , racist - Current Score: 338 - Added: 1 year, 6 months ago
| “Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your Captain speaking, we are about to land at Newcastle Airport, passengers are reminded to set their watches back 25 years...” | |
Joke by staffer, in Religion and racism > Geordies - Tagged airline , pilot , watches , captain , frankie boyle - Current Score: 86 - Added: 2 months ago
| A man is sitting on a plane waiting to get served for drinks but he notices that the refreshments cart seems to have stopped well in front of him. He looks to the front of the plane where all of the air hostesses seem to be running around after one of the passengers who is bossing them around. When he looks closer, he notices that the passenger is a very rude parrot. "Get me a whiskey now bitch!" screamed the parrot, and she hurried off rather nervously to get it. "Get me some peanuts you whore!" he screamed to another girl, and again in fear of the horrible parrot she rushed off to get some. The man thought to himself that if he tried the same approach as the parrot then he might get served. The next time an air hostess walked past the man shouted, "Hey slag! Get me a beer!" The air hostess instantly burst into tears and ran to the front of the plane and into the cockpit. A few minutes later the co-pilot and several air hostesses walked back out of the cockpit, grabbed the man and the parrot and threw them out of the plane. As they began falling towards earth the parrot turned to the nervous looking man and said, "well, you're a cheeky fucker for someone who can't fly!" | |
Joke by superhorse, in Jokes with no home > parrot - Tagged parrot , plane , man , rude , pilot , flying - Current Score: 68 - Added: 1 year ago
| Two Irish pilots flying An Air Fungus jet on final approach at Cork Airport, First pilot said: "Bejesus! Look how short this runway is." Second pilot said: "Yes, but look how fucking wide it is!" | |
Joke by PALROSS, in Religion and racism > Irish - Tagged irish , pilot , flying , plane , runway - Current Score: 66 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| Presidential candidates Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, and John McCain were flying to a debate. Barack looked at Hillary, Chuckled and said, 'You know I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy.' Hillary shrugged her shoulders and replied, 'I could throw ten $100 bills out of the window and make ten people very happy.' John added, 'That being the case, I could throw one hundred $10 bills out of the window and make a hundred people very happy.' Hearing their exchange, the pilot rolled his eyes and said to his co-pilot, 'Such big-shots back there. I could throw all three of them out of the window and make 325 million people very happy.' | |
Joke by niggers out, in Celebrity and news events > Elections - Tagged president , elections , pilot , barack obama , hillary clinton , john mccain - Current Score: 48 - Added: 6 months, 4 days ago
| An elderly Pakistani man in an old folks home gets a visit from his family. "They treat us very well here, with respect," he said. "See over there that's Tom, he used to be a doctor and they still call him 'Dr. Tom'. And Bill over there used to be an airline pilot, they call him 'Capt. Bill'. "And me, I'm 90 years old and haven't had sex since I was 63, but they still call me 'That fucking Paki'." | |
Joke by how-low-can-you-get, in Religion and racism > Pakistani - Tagged paki , pensioner , old folks home , doctor , pilot - Current Score: 44 - Added: 4 months, 23 days ago
| Pierre the French fighter pilot is on leave, sharing some special time with his girlfriend, Esmerelda. They've had a good night, so Esmerelda cries out "Oh Pierre, kiss me". Pierre stands up, walks over to his drinks cabinet, grabs a bottle of 1984 Merlot, has a quick drink from the neck, returns to Esmerelda and kisses her passionately. Esmerleda, flustered says, "Oh my Pierre, you are such a great man, but why is it that you must drink the red wine before you kiss me?". Pierre replies, "My name is Pierre the French fighter pilot. When I have the red meat, I must first drink the red wine". Esmerelda responds, "Oh la Pierre, so romantic! But... won't you kiss me a little... lower?" Pierre stands up, strides over to his drinks cabinet once again and grabs a bottle of 1976 Cabernet Sauvignon. Taking a quick swig, he returns to where Esmerelda is waiting with anticipation, and softly kisses her breasts. Once again, overcome but confused, Esmerelda says "Oh Pierre you make me so happy, but why is that you must always drink the white wine when you kiss my breasts?". Pierre once again offers the simple explanation, "My name is Pierre the French fighter pilot. When I have the white meat, I must first drink the white wine". Esmerelda, content says "Ah Pierre... Won't you... kiss me a little... lower?" Pierre stands up stern faced, walks over to where his drinks cabinet remains and pulls out a bottle of brandy. This time however, instead of drinking from it, he strides over to where Esmerelda lies, biting her lip, pours the bottle in between her open legs and flicks a lit match onto the liquid. Esmerelda screams, batting out the fire that has erupted with a cushion and shouts "Holy shit Pierre! What the fuck are you doing?". Pierre stands unflinching before her, empty bottle of brandy hanging limply and informs her: "My name is Pierre the French fighter pilot. When I go down, I go down in flames!" | |
Joke by Lippycunt, in Religion and racism > French - Tagged war , pilot , french , england , fire - Current Score: 39 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| Pilot: "Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain. The weather is good and we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. OH MY GOD...." Pilot: (Five minutes later) "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking, the flight attendent spilled hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants." Passenger: "That's nothing! You should see the back of mine." | |
Joke by CocaCola, in Jokes with no home > Airlines - Tagged pilot , passenger , coffee , flight , poo , shit - Current Score: 17 - Added: 8 months, 17 days ago
| You don't have to be a pilot to die in the R.A.F.... | |
Joke by sa80steve, in Celebrity and news events > Iraq - Tagged pilot , raf , america can suck my cock - Current Score: 13 - Added: 2 months, 12 days ago
| All that fuss about the Queen mother visiting the East End during the Blitz! My grandad visited it every night as well. Mind you, he was a Heinkel pilot. | |
Joke by badhorsey, in Religion and racism > German - Tagged blitz , pilot , queen mother , world war 2 - Current Score: 3 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
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