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| This American bloke goes into a pub in Southern England. He gets himself a pint and then he challenges anybody to a game of pool and he beats everyone. The barman says, "you're good, but Smiffy will have you." Then he challenges anybody to a game of darts and he beats everybody at that as well. The barman says, "you're very good, but Smiffy will have you." Poker is the next challenge, and once again he beats every person he plays. The barman says, "you're fucking good, but Smiffy will have you." With this, the American chap says, "who the fuck is Smiffy?" The barman points to a little elderly man wearing a flat cap, sitting at a table in the corner of the pub. He walks over to the table and the old guy stands up, then flicks a beer mat up in the air, drinks a pint of lager, lights a fag, pulls his trousers down and catches the beer mat right in the crack of his arse and says, "can you do that?" The American flicks the beer mat up in air, drinks a pint of lager, lights a fag, pulls his trousers down........and Smiffy fuckin' had him! |    |
Joke by pornstar, in Religion and racism > Americans - Tagged snithy , beer mat , pint , lager , fag , pub , crack , american , poker - Current Score: 132 - Added: 5 months, 20 days ago
| Gary Glitter goes into a bar and orders a pint of John Smiths. The barman says, "Sorry, sir, I'm afraid I can't serve you that." Gary Glitter asks, "Why?" The barman replies, "Because it's a no nonces bitter." | |
Joke by pornstar, in Celebrity and news events > Gary Glitter - Tagged gary glitter , nonce , john smiths , pint - Current Score: 108 - Added: 7 months, 13 days ago
| What's the difference between having a badly poured pint and having a child with Down Syndrome? If the head's too big on your beer you can blow it off | |
Joke by BushTurkey, in Illness and mortality > Downs Syndrome - Tagged beer , pint , syndrome , down - Current Score: 28 - Added: 10 months, 12 days ago
| It was my son's birthday yesterday so I bought him his first pint. He was in a right state: sick everywhere. When I got him home, he vomited all over his sheets and shit himself. The wife went fucking crazy. Still, good job he's still in nappies. | |
Joke by justincider, in Jokes with no home > Alcohol - Tagged son , birthday , pint , sick , vomited , sheets , nappies - Current Score: 23 - Added: 1 month, 22 days ago
| My wife got me to tie her to the bed last night. When I did, she said that I could do anything I wanted. So I had a shave and fucked off down the pub. | |
Joke by ghost, in Sex and shit > Sex - Tagged pub , wife , shag , fuck , tie , bed , pint , lovely stuff - Current Score: 17 - Added: 6 months, 3 days ago
| A man walked into a pub and ordered a pint. He drank it, looked into his shirt pocket, and ordered another pint. He drank that pint, looked into his shirt pocket, and ordered another pint. The barman was getting curious. The man drank the third pint, looked into his shirt pocket, and ordered another pint. This sequence continued until the man had ordered his tenth pint. The barman asked him "What's that in your pocket?". "A picture of the wife", the man replied, "When she starts to look good enough, I go home". | |
Joke by northerngeorge, in Jokes with no home > Marriage - Tagged wife , husband , barman , pint , beer , alcohol , pissed , ugly , drunk - Current Score: 15 - Added: 2 weeks ago
| What's the difference between a dog and a fox? 8 pints. | |
Joke by Weetobix, in Jokes with no home > Drinking Jokes - Tagged dog , fox , pint - Current Score: 13 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| All this 'metric system' bollocks they're shoving down our throats these days. It's enough to drive you to drink. Anyway, I'm away out for five-hundred-and-sixty-eight millilitres. | |
Joke by 8 ace, in Jokes with no home > Arseholes - Tagged metric system , 568 ml , pint - Current Score: 9 - Added: 1 month, 22 days ago
| They say football's a game of 2 halves For me its more like 7 pints | |
Joke by lashley, in Jokes with no home > Football - Tagged football , pint , drinking - Current Score: 1 - Added: 1 month, 26 days ago
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