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| I wouldn't say that Shannon Matthews' mother was ugly, but she does have to get her vibrator pissed. |    |
Joke by Retard, in Celebrity and news events > Shannon Matthews - Tagged shannon mathews , ugly , vibrator , pissed , karen matthews - Current Score: 183 - Added: 7 months, 24 days ago
| My wife thinks it's cute when the baby throws up on me. But when it's the other way round, she gets all huffy and accuses me of being drunk. | |
Joke by ferret, in Illness and mortality > Babies - Tagged baby , throwing up , pissed , drunk , wife - Current Score: 158 - Added: 3 days ago
| I had a wet dream about the wife last night. She got hit by a bus and I pissed myself. | |
Joke by mickle, in Sex and shit > Wife - Tagged wet , dream , bus , pissed - Current Score: 114 - Added: 1 year ago
| I read an article the other day that said, "if you drink every day you are an alcoholic." Thank god I only drink every night. | |
Joke by MICK THE MAG, in Jokes with no home > Alcohol - Tagged article , drink , alcoholic , pissed - Current Score: 79 - Added: 3 months, 26 days ago
| I've been drink driving for years now and have never been pulled over. In fact cars tend to get out of my way. I love working in my ambulance. | |
Joke by Haynz, in Jokes with no home > Drink - Tagged drink , drinking , pissed , driving , in my shiny ambulance - Current Score: 67 - Added: 1 month, 27 days ago
| A man is driving rather erratically down a road. A police officer stops him. The officer says,"would you mind blowing into this breathaliser for me please, sir?" The man says, "I'm asthmatic, I can't do that." "Okay then," he says, "how about a blood sample?" "I suffer from haemophilia," he said, "I could bleed to death." "Okay," said the officer, rather pissed off, "step out of the car and walk across this white line." "I can't do that." "Why not?" said the officer. The man replies, "because I'm pissed." | |
Joke by mycockisbiggerthanyours, in Jokes with no home > Alcohol - Tagged pissed , police , drink driving - Current Score: 46 - Added: 10 months, 20 days ago
| A Teacher Asks Little Johnny What He Did Over The Weekend "My Cat Died" Exclaimed Johnny "I Knew He Was Dead Cos I Pissed In His Ear" , The Teacher Says "You Did What!?", And Johnny Says "I Leant Over And Went 'Psst', And The Little Fucker Didn't Move!" | |
Joke by pornstar, in Sex and shit > 2 Girls 1 Cup - Tagged teacher , cat , died , litle johnny , ear , pissed , fucker - Current Score: 40 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| "What do you mean by coming home half drunk," screamed the angry wife. The husband shouted back, "it's not my fucking fault - I ran out of money." | |
Joke by mickle, in Jokes with no home > Alcohol - Tagged angry , wife , husband , pissed , money - Current Score: 30 - Added: 6 months ago
| Paddy is driving home, pissed as a fart. Suddenly he has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another. A cop car pulls him over because he's swerving all over the road, so Paddy tells him about all of the trees in the road. The cop says, "for fuck's sakes, Paddy, that's your air freshner." | |
Joke by ged, in Religion and racism > Irish - Tagged paddy , trees , pissed , cop - Current Score: 25 - Added: 5 months, 23 days ago
| I staggered in pissed out of my head last night. My wife stormed up to me and punched me in the face. I said "You should be a boxer" She said "Why, am I a hard puncher?" I said "No, your nose is flat and you're ugly". | |
Joke by ReigatePen, in Sex and shit > Wife - Tagged wife , boxer , pissed - Current Score: 24 - Added: 6 months, 14 days ago
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