Sorted by: Highest Scoring | Lowest Scoring | Newest | Oldest
Page 1 of 3 - Next Page
| An elderly English gentleman of 83 arrived in Paris by plane. At the French immigration desk, the man took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag. "You have been to France before, monsieur?" the Immigration officer asked, sarcastically. The elderly gentleman admitted he had been to France previously. "Then you should know well enough to have your passport ready." The English gentleman says, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it." "Impossible. All Englishmen have to show their passports on arrival in France !" The elderly gentleman gave the French Immigration Officer a long hard look. Then he quietly explained. "Well, the last time I was here, I came ashore on Juno Beach on D- Day in June 1944, and I couldn't find any fucking Frenchmen to show it to" |    |
Joke by pornstar, in Religion and racism > French - Tagged paris , plane , d-day , france , english , passport , bag , immigration , juno beach , 1944 - Current Score: 1558 - Added: 5 months ago
| It's strange isn't it ? You stand in the middle of the library and go "Aaaaaaaaargh!!" and everyone stares at you. But do it on a plane and everyone joins in. | |
Joke by BruceWillis, in Jokes with no home > ? - Tagged library , plane - Current Score: 118 - Added: 2 months ago
| As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger frantically jumps up, removes all her clothing and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman. Is there anyone on this plane who is man enough?" A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this." | |
Joke by eatmeat, in Sex and shit > Women - Tagged plane , sex , die - Current Score: 97 - Added: 11 months ago
| A Muslim was seated next to an Australian on a flight from Hong Kong to Sydney, Australia. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Aussie asked for a rum and coke, which was brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the Muslim if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores and my head stuffed up a sheeps arsehole than let liquor touch my lips." The Aussie handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "I didn't know we had a choice." | |
Joke by Monkeyman, in Religion and racism > Australians - Tagged aussie , muslim , plane , drink , alcohol , sheep , rape , whore - Current Score: 94 - Added: 9 months ago
| A teacher gave her class of 11 year olds an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. Ashley said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road, and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess." What's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher. "Don't put all your eggs in one basket!", Ashley said. "Very good," the teacher replied. Next little Sarah raised her hand and said, "Our family are Farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. One day we had a dozen eggs, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is, 'Don't count your chickens before they're hatched'." "That was a fine story, Sarah," said the teacher. "Michael, do you have a story to share?" "Yes. My daddy told me this story about my Aunt Shirley. Aunt Shirley was a flight engineer on a plane in the Gulf War and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whisky, a machine gun and a machete. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete until the blade broke. And then she killed the last ten with her bare hands." "Good Heavens", said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?" "Stay the fuck away from Aunt Shirley when she's been drinking." | |
Joke by McLOVIN, in Celebrity and news events > Moral - Tagged stories , war , egg , teacher , flying , assignment , father , kids , family , drinking , plane , gun - Current Score: 76 - Added: 11 months ago
| I'm very proud of my Grandfather. He shot down two German planes. Admittedly that was in 1972 but you can never be too careful. | |
Joke by pdf1, in Religion and racism > German - Tagged german , plane , grandfather - Current Score: 72 - Added: 11 months ago
| Have you heard about the new service that British Airways are offering their business class passengers? Apparently, they fly you directly to the car park. | |
Joke by Guest, in Celebrity and news events > Heathrow Plane Crash - Tagged plane , crash - Current Score: 65 - Added: 6 months ago
| Did you hear about the terrorist who hijacked a 747 full of Pakis? He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met. | |
Joke by mycockisbiggerthanyours, in Religion and racism > Pakistani - Tagged paki , pakistan , pakistani , 747 , plane , terrorist , hostage , hostages , demands - Current Score: 62 - Added: 6 months ago
| A man is sitting on a plane waiting to get served for drinks but he notices that the refreshments cart seems to have stopped well in front of him. He looks to the front of the plane where all of the air hostesses seem to be running around after one of the passengers who is bossing them around. When he looks closer, he notices that the passenger is a very rude parrot. "Get me a whiskey now bitch!" screamed the parrot, and she hurried off rather nervously to get it. "Get me some peanuts you whore!" he screamed to another girl, and again in fear of the horrible parrot she rushed off to get some. The man thought to himself that if he tried the same approach as the parrot then he might get served. The next time an air hostess walked past the man shouted, "Hey slag! Get me a beer!" The air hostess instantly burst into tears and ran to the front of the plane and into the cockpit. A few minutes later the co-pilot and several air hostesses walked back out of the cockpit, grabbed the man and the parrot and threw them out of the plane. As they began falling towards earth the parrot turned to the nervous looking man and said, "well, you're a cheeky fucker for someone who can't fly!" | |
Joke by superhorse, in Jokes with no home > parrot - Tagged parrot , plane , man , rude , pilot , flying - Current Score: 61 - Added: 7 months ago
| Paul McCartney has bought his wife a plane for Christmas. But she'll still use a razor on the other leg. | |
Joke by JossDude, in Celebrity and news events > The Beatles - Tagged mccartney , paul , plane , christmas , leg - Current Score: 61 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
Page 1 of 3 - Next Page
Server: 0.35s/12q/278.
Copyright 2005-2008 Rob Manuel - a cr3ative media® project