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| How do you kill a bunch of retards on a bus? Put poison on the windows. |    |
Joke by caliban, in Illness and mortality > Disability - Tagged retard , disabled , disability , retards , retarded , bus , poison , window , windows , kill , killed , murder , spastic , spaz - Current Score: 124 - Added: 1 year, 6 months ago
| A young woman is lying on her death bed hopelessy close to her end, her husband enters the room and gently cups her hand to comfort her. The woman musters her remaining strength and gently whispers "darling i must come clean with you". The man hushes her, telling her to save her strength. She continues anyway telling him that she hasn't been entirely faithful to him and informs him of her multiple affairs with his brother, father, sister and uncle. The man replies "I know darling, why the fuck do you think i poisoned you?" | |
Joke by D dude, in Illness and mortality > Dying - Tagged poison , husband , wife , cheating - Current Score: 115 - Added: 1 year, 6 months ago
| Lady Astor: "Sir, if you were my husband, I should flavour your coffee with poison" Churchill: "Madam if you were my wife, I should drink it." (hope you don't mind, thought i'd the second part to this genius quote) Bessie Braddock: "Sir, you are drunk." Churchill: "And you, madam, are ugly. But in the morning, I shall be sober." ***sorry but i had to edit the top half to the original quote*** ***eventually*** | |
Joke by Guest, in Jokes with no home > Marriage - Tagged marriage , poison , churchill , lady astor , great quotes , arsehole leader , gay - Current Score: 57 - Added: 7 months, 19 days ago
| What's funnier than poisoning your kids? Convincing your babysitter that they were ok before you went out. | |
Joke by fishboi, in Illness and mortality > Death - Tagged poison , kids , babysitter - Current Score: 45 - Added: 3 weeks ago
| Two friends were camping out one night, when all of the sudden one of them jumps up screaming, "A SNAKE JUST BIT ME ON THE TIP OF MY PENIS!!". The other friend said, "don't worry, I am going to town to find a doctor, I will be right back!". So he goes to town, and finally finds a doctor. "Doctor!! My friend just got bit by a snake!!!" the friend says. "It's ok", the doctor says, "all you have to do is suck the poison out.". The friend says thank you, and runs back to the camp site. The injured friends asks, "WHAT DID THE DOCTOR SAY? WHAT DID HE SAY?" The other friend replies, "Doctor said you gonna die!" | |
Joke by ht, in Sex and shit > Penis - Tagged poison , penis , snake , doctor - Current Score: 31 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago
| There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour. Then this big, trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry." "No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep and I go late to my office. My boss, outraged, fires me. When I leave the building to go to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home and, when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away." "I go home and, when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home and come to this bar. And, just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison." | |
Joke by mickle, in Illness and mortality > Suicide - Tagged bar , poison , drink , suicide - Current Score: 29 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| A man goes to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it." The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?" The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me." The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?" The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me, what should I do?" The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know." A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "Well, I spoke to your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?" The man said yes and the Rabbi replied, "Take the poison." | |
Joke by LethalFrog, in Sex and shit > Wife - Tagged wife , rabbi , poison - Current Score: 20 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| I got food poisoning the other day. I haven't used it yet. | |
Joke by binso, in Illness and mortality > Poison - Tagged poison , binso , food - Current Score: 17 - Added: 1 month, 19 days ago
damiendungiven got buried to -5. Reveal Joke
chef_nz got buried to -7. Reveal Joke
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