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| What's the difference between Pope John Paul II and Maddie McCann? The Pope died a virgin. |    |
Joke by cr3, in Celebrity and news events > Madeleine McCann - Tagged virgin , pope , madeleine mccann , maddie , madeleine - Current Score: 1098 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| Which is the odd one out - a black Pope, a brave Frenchman or God ? God - you'll definitely see him one day | |
Joke by mamma mia, in Religion and racism > All Racism - Tagged pope , black , french , god - Current Score: 325 - Added: 4 months, 11 days ago
| Dave was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them." Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?" "No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it." So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and Tom Cruise shouts, "Dave! What's happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!" Although impressed, Dave's boss is still sceptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just lucky. "No, no, just name anyone else," Dave says. "President Bush," his boss quickly retorts. "Yup," Dave say's, "Old buddies, let's fly out to Washington and off they go. At the White House, Bush spots Dave on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Dave, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up." Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Dave, who again implores him to name anyone else. "The Pope," his boss replies. "Sure!" says Dave. "I've known the Pope for years." So off they fly to Rome. Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses at the Vatican's St. Peter's Square when Dave says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope." He disappears into the crowd headed towards the Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics. Making his way to his boss' side, Dave asks him, "What happened?" His boss looks up and says, "It was the final straw ... you and the Pope came out on to the balcony and the man next to me said, 'Who the fuck is that on the balcony with Dave?" | |
Joke by Sticky, in Celebrity and news events > Pope - Tagged tom cruise , george busg , pope , bunty futtock , sticky is a hamtoucher - Current Score: 189 - Added: 11 months ago
| The Pope and Margaret Thatcher are on the same stage in front of a huge crowd. The ex-PM and His Holiness, however, have seen it all before, so to make it a little more interesting, Maggie says to the Pope, "did you know that, with just one little wave of my hand, I can make every Conservative in the crowd go wild?" He doubts it, so she shows him. Sure enough, the wave elicits rapture and cheering from every Conservative in the crowd. Gradually, the cheering subsides. The Pope, not wanting to be out done by such a level of arrogance, considers what he could do. "That was impressive, but did you know that, with just one little wave of my hand, I can make every person in the crowd go crazy with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your subjects, but will go deep into their hearts and they will forever speak of this day and rejoice." Thatcher seriously doubts this and says so. "One little wave of your hand and all people will rejoice forever? Show me." So the Pope punched her. | |
Joke by RossMcG, in Celebrity and news events > Margaret Thatcher - Tagged thatcher , pope , maggie thatcher , margaret thatcher - Current Score: 175 - Added: 10 months ago
| Gerry and Kate McCann went to see the Pope to ask if he could help find their daughter. The Pope said he'd love to help but the Catholic Clergy was more used to hunting down small boys. | |
Joke by P45, in Celebrity and news events > Madeleine McCann - Tagged madeleine mccann , pope , catholic , paedophile , paedophilia - Current Score: 164 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| The 7 dwarfs are all excited as the new pope is visiting fairy story land. All week they nudge Dopey sniggering "Well you can finally ask your question!", to which Dopey replies every time "Shurrup willya!" Finally the day arrives and all the dwarfs are lined up with the other characters from the Snow White story, he shakes hands with the evil Queen, then Snow White then slowly makes his way down the line of the dwarfs. As he approaches Dopey theres a small chant which gets louder and louder "Ask him.ask him...ask him ASK HIM>!" "Ask me what?" Questions the pope. The dwarfs shove Dopey forward "ASK HIM!", "What would you like to know?", says his holiness. "Well", begins Dopey, "Are any of your nuns black?" "Hm" ponders the pope "As a religion we catholics don't differentiate between creed so its more than probable that quite a few of our nuns are black . Does that answer your question?" ASK HIM!! shout the dwarfs. "Is there more to your question young man?" "Erm......do any of your nuns work in Antarctica?" "well young man we have nuns all around the globe so its more than likely that we have a couple in Antarctica. Does that answer your question?" ASK HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yell the dwarfs! "Is there more to this question?" asks the pope now getting more than annoyed. "Erm..................................are any of these black nuns in Antarctica dwarfs?! "WHAT"! Splutters the pope. "I'm sure if we had a black dwarf nun in Antarctica i would have heard of it. So in answer to your question NO!" All the dwarfs collapse on the floor pissing themselves laughing. "DOPEY SHAGGED A PENGUIN!! DOPEY SHAGGED A PENGUIN!!" | |
Joke by cornish_breeze, in Jokes with no home > Dwarfs - Tagged pope , dwarfs , snow white , fairy story , dwarf , sick , penguin , nun , nuns - Current Score: 121 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| Paddy and Murphy saved up all year to go and see the Pope at the Vatican. They fly to Italy and on Sunday make their way down to the square. There is a crowd of thousands there, highly excited at the imminent visit of the Pope. Suddenly the doors open and the Pope appears on the balcony and the crowd go wild. Paddy and Murphy can't believe it and are overcome when the Pope makes his way down into the throng and gives a black man his own personal blessing. The Pope then returns inside the Vatican and the crowds disperse. Back at their hotel Paddy and Murphy cannot believe how close they came to the Pope. 'I can't believe how lucky that black man was, getting his own personal blessing from the Pope,' says Paddy. Murphy replies, 'next week I'm going to cover myself in boot polish and see what happens when we see the Pope.' The next Sunday quickly arrives and Murphy, covered in boot polish, is standing in the square with the other thousands of people eagerly awaiting the Pope. The doors open, the Pope appears, waves to the crowd, spots Murphy and begins to make his way through the mob of people towards him. Overcome with emotion, Murphy cannot utter a word as the Pope closes in on him. Murphy lowers his head awaiting the expected blessing from the Pontiff, when the Pope quietly whispers in his ear, 'I thought I told you to fuck off last week, nigger!' | |
Joke by plantgrower1975, in Religion and racism > Black - Tagged black , religion , pope , racism - Current Score: 117 - Added: 3 months, 12 days ago
| The pope goes to America and gets picked up at the airport by a Cadillac Limo with the windows blacked out. After a while, the driver hears a rapping on the glass partition and winds it down. 'You know, since I was a little boy I've always dreamed of driving a Caddy,' says the pope. Not wanting to refuse a request by God's representative on Earth, the driver pulls over and they swap places. The pope has a wonderful time screaming down the freeway at 100mph, but it's not long before blue lights pull the car over. The policeman has words, then returns to his vehicle and gets on the radio. 'Dispatch - you better get me the chief' he whispers. 'Roger that.' A pause. 'Chief here. What's up?' 'I've just pulled somebody over and I think they're quite important and I don't know what to do,' whispers the policeman. 'You haven't pulled over the mayor again have you?' 'No, I think they're more important than the mayor.' 'The governor?' 'No, I think they're more important than the governor.' 'Oh my god! You haven't pulled over the president have you?' 'No, I think they're more important than the president.' 'WHAT? How can anyone possibly be more important than the president of the United States?' 'I dunno, but he's got the pope as a chauffeur...' | |
Joke by TGS, in Celebrity and news events > Pope - Tagged pope , cadillac , limo , police , speeding - Current Score: 117 - Added: 1 year ago
| I see that the Catholic Church has now revised the "Seven Deadly Sins" to include "Hoarding Great Wealth". Lucky for them they haven't included Hypocrisy. | |
Joke by bizlop, in Religion and racism > Catholicism - Tagged catholic , catholics , pope , great wealth , money , seven deadly sins , hypocrite , hypocrisy - Current Score: 112 - Added: 5 months, 17 days ago
| A Priest is fishing with his mate and catches something. "That's a huge fucker you've got there father," says the friend. "Watch your language around a man of God," replies the Priest. A little embarassed, the friend lies and tells the Priest that the species of fish is called a "fucker". The Priest takes home the fish and talks to the Bishop and explains about catching the "fucker". "I'll clean the fucker and we can have it for dinner tonight when the Pope comes round." So he cleans it and then shows it to the Cardinal, who says he'll cook the "fucker" for the Pope tonight. The Pope comes round for dinner and comments on the lovely fish and, eager to please, the Priest exclaims, "I caught the fucker!" The Bishop cries, "I cleaned the fucker!" And the Cardinal continues, "I cooked the fucker!" The Pope takes a moments thought, looks around the table at them and says, "You know, you cunts are alright." | |
Joke by savech1p, in Religion and racism > Pope - Tagged pope , cardinal , priest , bishop , fishing , dinner - Current Score: 106 - Added: 4 months, 12 days ago
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