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| A primary school teacher spots that James, one of her pupils, is clutching a cat. She inquires, "James, why is your cat at school today?" James, now in tears, replies, "I heard the postman telling Mummy 'when the kids go to school today, I'm going to eat your pussy'!" |    |
Joke by cooperman, in Jokes with no home > School - Tagged minge , fanny , pussy , cunt , postman , teacher - Current Score: 106 - Added: 10 months ago
| What has four letters and makes women scream? My local postman who's a convicted rapist. | |
Joke by AS, in Sex and shit > Rape - Tagged rape , woman , sex , postman - Current Score: 62 - Added: 2 months ago
| I didn't realise just how much my wife loved me until I was off sick this week. When the postman and milkman walked down the drive, she ran out shouting, "my husband's home!" | |
Joke by bawbag, in Jokes with no home > Wife - Tagged sick , postman , wife , shit joke childish - Current Score: 55 - Added: 1 week ago
| A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, "I wonder what happened to this parrot?" The parrot replies, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot." "WOW!" the guy exclaims. "You actually understood and answered me!" "I got every word," says the parrot. "I happen to be a highly intelligent, thoroughly educated bird." "Oh yeah?", the guy asks, "Then answer this. How do you hang onto your perch without any feet?" "Well," the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing but since you asked, I wrap my willie around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers." "Wow" says the guy, "you really can understand and speak English, can't you!?" "Actually, I speak both Spanish and English and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports,physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You really ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion." The guy looks at the $200 price tag. "Sorry, but I just can't afford that." "Pssssssst" says the parrot, "I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for $20, just make the guy an offer!" The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot. Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humour, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful. The guy is delighted. One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot goes "Psssssssssssst" and motions him over with one wing. "I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the postman." "What are you talking about?" asks the guy. "When the postman delivered today, your wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black nighty and kissed him passionately." "WHAT?!" the guy asks incredulously. "Then what happened?" "Well, then the postman came into the house and lifted up her nighty and began petting her all over" reported the parrot. "My God!" he exclaims. "Then what?" "Then he lifted up the nighty, got down on his knees and began to lick her all over, starting with her breasts and slowly going down . . ." "WELL???" demands the frantic guy, "THEN WHAT HAPPENED?" "Damned if I know! I got a hard-on and fell off my perch!" | |
Joke by NUFC, in Sex and shit > Sex - Tagged parrot , postman - Current Score: 35 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| This postman was delivering mail in Dublin when a woman appeared at the door in her nightdress. ' Come upstairs 'she said 'and make love to me. ' After he had obliged the woman said ' here's a can of Lager and two pound coins for you ' The postie took them and said ' what's all this for ?' The woman said " you can thank my husband for this , I suggested giving you 20 pounds for your Christmas tip but my husband said "fuck him , give him a can of beer and 2 quid !" | |
Joke by mickle, in Jokes with no home > Christmas - Tagged postman , dublin , lager , tip - Current Score: 26 - Added: 10 months ago
| A man calls up the stairs to his wife, "Darling, has the postman come yet?" She replies,"No, but he's panting and sweating a lot." | |
Joke by milo123, in Sex and shit > Adultery - Tagged postman , husband , wife , sex , stairs - Current Score: 24 - Added: 3 months, 8 days ago
| I received a letter in the post today. On the front of the letter, it said "Do not bend" I thought to myself.... "Well, how the fuck am I meant to pick it up then?" | |
Joke by cooperman, in Jokes with no home > Actors - Tagged postman , bend , fuck , wordplay - Current Score: 23 - Added: 9 months ago
| It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighbourhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope. At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures. At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced. When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?" "Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you." He said, "Fuck him, give him a dollar." The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea." | |
Joke by NUFC, in Sex and shit > Sex - Tagged postman , sex - Current Score: 20 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| Little Johnny catches his parents going at it. He yells in, "Hey, Pop! What are you doin'?" His father says, "Son, I'm filling your mother's tank." Johnny says, "Oh, yeah? Well, you better get a model that gets better mileage. The postman filled her this morning." | |
Joke by Scotttaggart, in Sex and shit > 69 - Tagged little , johny , sex , postman - Current Score: 12 - Added: 3 months, 27 days ago
| There was a boy praying at night and he says "God bless mommy, daddy, grampa, and good-bye uncle fred". And the next day uncle fred died tragically by getting hit by a mac truck. So the next night at prayertime, the boy says "God bless mommy, daddy, and good-bye grampa". The next day, grampa was playing golf and was hit by lightning and then was drug out to the 18th hole and he died. The next night people were getting real worried. At prayertime, the boy says, "God bless mommy and good-bye daddy". Well, the next day the father was especially careful and when he got home, his wife was crying. He asked, "Honey, what's wrong?". She said, "The postman is lying dead on the front porch!". | |
Joke by ht, in Illness and mortality > Dead - Tagged death , praying , postman - Current Score: 12 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
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