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| If you have sex with a prostitute without her permission, is it rape... or shoplifting? |    |
Joke by immortalmaniac, in Sex and shit > Prostitution - Tagged sex , prostitute , shoplifting , rape , is - Current Score: 985 - Added: 4 months ago
| A man on his way home from the pub decides to take a short-cut through an unlit park. A woman approaches him and offers to fuck his brains out for £5. The man thinks to himself that this is a chance too good to miss, so hands over the £5. She leads him into a bush and they get under way. A policeman happens to pass by, hears them at it and notices the bush shaking. He approaches, shines his torch on the pair and asks the man what he's doing. The man replies calmly, "I'm just having sex with my wife, officer. Do you mind?" The officer responds, "I'm sorry, sir, I didn't realise it was your wife." The man quickly replies, "that's quite alright, officer - until you shone your torch on her face, neither did I". | |
Joke by Steve Maurice, in Sex and shit > Prostitution - Tagged wife , prostitute , old - Current Score: 266 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| A man staying at a hotel removed a card offering sexual services from a nearby phone box. Back in his hotel room he rang the number and a woman with a silky soft voice asked if she could be of assistance. "Yes" he said. "I'd like a doggie in bondage gear, leather, PVC, whips, the lot. And then some hardcore spanking, rounded off with a blow job. What do you think?" The woman said, "That sounds really good and I'd like to oblige, but if you press 9 first you'll get an outside line." | |
Joke by superhorse, in Sex and shit > Prostitution - Tagged hooker , prostitute , bondage , spanking , hotel - Current Score: 244 - Added: 8 months ago
| I slept with one of those 'high class' prostitutes the other week. I'm not happy though, the bitch gave me lobsters. | |
Joke by Randall, in Sex and shit > Prostitution - Tagged prostitute , crabs , lobsters , high class , bitch - Current Score: 205 - Added: 1 month ago
| A family of prostitutes are talking. The daughter says, "I got £50 for a blow job today". The mother says, "In my day it was £5". The grandmother says, "In my day we were just glad for the warm drink". | |
Joke by sick puppy, in Sex and shit > Prostitution - Tagged prostitute , blow job - Current Score: 172 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| This Big black prostitute who was also a Chelsea fan, got a tattoo of John Terry and Frank Lampard on the inside of her thighs. She says to her punter "If you can guess who they are you get a free shag". He looks to the left and then to the right and says "I dunno who those ugly bastards are but the one in the middle with the fat lips and curly hair is Shaun Wright-Philips! | |
Joke by pornstar, in Sex and shit > Prostitution - Tagged black , prostitute , chelsea , tattoo , fat , lips - Current Score: 157 - Added: 11 months ago
| I see it has become a law that to come into this country as a immigrant you have to be educated in English to GCSE standard. This is ridiculous, when I hire a prostitute do you really think I care if she's read Shakespeare? | |
Joke by maxmoore, in Sex and shit > Prostitution - Tagged immigrant , prostitute , shakespear , english - Current Score: 112 - Added: 3 months ago
| For those that don't know him, Major General Peter Cosgrove is an "Australian treasure!" General Cosgrove was interviewed on the radio recently. Regardless of how you feel about gun laws you gotta love this! This is one of the best comeback lines of all time. It is a portion of an ABC interview between a female broadcaster and General Cosgrove who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout troop visiting his military headquarters. FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Cosgrove, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base? GENERAL COSGROVE: We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery and shooting. FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it? GENERAL COSGROVE: I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range. FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children? GENERAL COSGROVE: I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm. FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you're equipping them to become violent killers. GENERAL COSGROVE: Well, Ma'am, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you? | |
Joke by ht, in Jokes with no home > Real Quotes - Tagged cosgrove , prostitute , australians , scouts , guns - Current Score: 110 - Added: 5 months ago
| An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her father cursed her. Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru? The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff....dad....I became a prostitute...." "Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this family." "OK, dad-- as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a savings certificate for £5 million." "For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for ye daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club....(takes a breath)....and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years' Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and...." Now what was it ye said ye had become?" says dad. Girl, crying again, "Sniff, sniff....a prostitute dad! Sniff, sniff. "Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant. Come here and give yer old man a hug!" | |
Joke by sick puppy, in Religion and racism > Catholicism - Tagged prostitute , catholic , protestant - Current Score: 108 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| A guy is walking along the strip in Las Vegas and a knockout-looking Vegas hooker catches his eye. He strikes up a conversation and eventually asks the hooker, "how much do you charge?" The hooker replies, "it starts at $500 for a hand-job." The guy says, "$500 dollars! For a hand-job! Holy crap! No hand-job is worth that kind of money!" The hooker says, "Do you see that Denny's on the corner?" "Yes." "Do you see the Denny's about a block further down?" "Yes." "And beyond that, do you see that third Denny's?" "Yes." "Well," says the hooker, smiling invitingly, "I own those. And, I own them because I give a hand-job that's worth $500." The guy says, "what the hell? You only live once. I'll give it a try." They retire to a nearby motel. A short time later, the guy is sitting on the bed realizing he just experienced the hand-job of a lifetime, worth every bit of $500. He is so amazed, he says, "I suppose a blow-job is $1,000?" The hooker replies, "$1,500." "I wouldn't pay that for a blow-job!" The hooker replies, "step over here to the window, big boy. Do you see that casino just across the street? I own that casino outright. And I own it because I give a blow-job that's worth every cent of $1,500." The guy, basking in the afterglow of that terrific hand-job, decides to put off the new car for another year or so, and says, "Sign me up." Ten minutes later, he is sitting on the bed more amazed than before. He can scarcely believe it, but he feels he truly got his money's worth. He decides to dip into the retirement savings for one glorious and unforgettable experience. He asks the hooker, "How much for some pussy?" The hooker says, "come over here to the window, I want to show you something. Do you see how the whole city of Las Vegas is laid out before us, all those beautiful lights, gambling palaces, and show places?" "Damn!" the guy says, in awe, "you own the whole city?" "No," the hooker replies, "but I would if I had a pussy!" | |
Joke by Weetobix, in Sex and shit > Prostitution - Tagged prostitute , porsche , rolex - Current Score: 96 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
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