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| Went to a bulimic birthday party today. I saw a cake pop out of a girl. |  |
Do you know what really makes me sick?
Bulimia. |  |
A drunk staggers into the back of a taxi.He leans towards the driver and says,"excuse me,have you got room for a lobster and 3 bottles of wine on your front seat?"
"I think so,"says the driver
"Good," replies the drunk,and throws up. |  |
A pub landlord is shutting up for the night when there is a knock at the door. When he answers, a Tramp asks him for a toothpick. He gives him the toothpick and the tramp leaves.
A few minutes later there is a second knock. When he answers, there is a second Tramp who also asks for a toothpick. He gets his toothpick and off he goes.
There is a third knock at the door, and a third Tramp. The landlord says, "Don't tell me, you want a toothpick too."
"No, a straw," says the Tramp.
The landlord gives him a straw but is curious as to why he wants it, so he asks the Tramp why he wants a straw and not a toothpick.
To which the Tramp replies, "Some bloke just threw up outside but all the good stuff's gone already". |  |
Joke by funkyfrog, in Illness and mortality > Tramps / homeless - Tagged sick ,
vomit ,
tramp ,
bum ,
tramps ,
bums ,
homeless ,
puke ,
hurl ,
toothpick ,
straw ,
meal ,
food ,
warm ,
eat ,
pub ,
bar ,
landlord - Current Score: 40 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago What does John Prescott call two fingers ?
Dessert ! |  |
These two starving bums are walking through an alley when one of them sees a dead cat.
He runs over, sits down and starts to eat the cat, tearing the meat from its limbs.
He says to the other bum, "Hey, I know you're hungry, too. Why don't you eat some of this cat?"
"Hell no!" replies the second bum, "That cat's been dead for days, he's all stiff and cold and smelly!"
The first bum says, "Okay, suit yourself," and continues to eat everything, skin, muscle, guts, all but the skeleton.
A few hours later as they are walking down the street the first bum says, "Oh, I don't feel so good. I think there might have been something wrong with that cat."
And just then, he pukes up a huge puddle of rotten cat flesh and guts with stomach bile mixed in, all half digested and looking like mush.
The second bum sits down next to the puddle and says, "Now you're talkin'! It's been months since I had a warm meal!" |  |
Joke by funkyfrog, in Illness and mortality > Tramps / homeless - Tagged bum ,
tramps ,
sick ,
tramp ,
homeless ,
meal ,
food ,
cat ,
dead ,
puke ,
hurl ,
bile ,
warm ,
cold ,
smelly ,
rotten ,
alley - Current Score: 9 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago A man goes to a bar and gets totally drunk and pukes on his own shirt. He starts saying when he gets home his wife will be pissed . The bartender says don't worry man put this 10 dollars in your shirt pocket and when your wife says what happened tell her that a guy was drunk and he puked on your shirt and gave you 10 dollars to clean it.
So the man goes home and says to his wife' Some guy puked on my shirt and put 10 dollars in my pocket to have it cleaned. The wife looks in his shirt and says " honey theres a 20 in there. The man replies " oh yeah i forgot the same man shit my pants!" |  |
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