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| Girls: If you get a message from your boyfriend saying that he wants to "kick your puppy", don't call the RSPCA... He's just not very good at predictive text. |    |
Joke by Philthy, in Sex and shit > Girlriend - Tagged lick , pussy , cunnilingus , text , rspca , animal cruelty , puppy , kick - Current Score: 400 - Added: 3 months ago
| Cristiano Ronaldo was bowled over by his player of the year award. Even though slow-motion replays showed that it clearly never touched him. | |
Joke by marley, in Jokes with no home > Football - Tagged ronaldo , christiano , footy , bowled , pussy - Current Score: 121 - Added: 1 week ago
| A guy walks into an elevator and stands next to a beautiful woman. After a few minutes he turns to her and says: "Can I smell your pussy?" The woman looks at him in disgust and says: "Certainly not!" "Hmmm," he replies. "It must be your feet, then." | |
Joke by ht, in Sex and shit > Vagina - Tagged vagina , feet , pussy - Current Score: 108 - Added: 1 year ago
| What's the difference between ginger pussy and a bowling ball? You could eat a bowling ball if you had to. | |
Joke by schlong69, in Religion and racism > Ginger - Tagged ginger , oral sex , pussy - Current Score: 101 - Added: 1 year ago
| An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman are all playing golf with their wives. The Englishman's wife steps up to the tee; and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear. "Good God woman! Why aren't you wearing any knickers?" Her husband demanded. "Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford to buy any." The Englishman immediately reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency here's 50 quid, go and buy yourself some underwear." Next the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt blows up to show that she is wearing no undies. "Blessed Virgin Mary , woman! You've no knickers--why not?" She replies, "I can't afford any on the money you give me." He reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency here's 20 quid, go and buy yourself some underwear!" Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it. "Hoot, mon, woman! Why are ye not wearing knickers?" She too explains, "You dinna give me enough housekeepin' money ta be able ta afford any." The Scot reaches into his pocket and says, "Well, fer the sake of decency, here's a comb, tidy yurrrself up a bit. " | |
Joke by niggers out, in Sex and shit > Knickers - Tagged knickers , golf , upskirt , pussy - Current Score: 92 - Added: 1 month ago
| A primary school teacher spots that James, one of her pupils, is clutching a cat. She inquires, "James, why is your cat at school today?" James, now in tears, replies, "I heard the postman telling Mummy 'when the kids go to school today, I'm going to eat your pussy'!" | |
Joke by cooperman, in Jokes with no home > School - Tagged minge , fanny , pussy , cunt , postman , teacher - Current Score: 91 - Added: 8 months ago
| A bloke goes into a pub. The barmaid asks what he wants. "I want to put my head between your tits, and lick the sweat off." he replies. "You dirty bastard!" shouts the barmaid, "get out before I get my husband." The bloke apologises and says he will never do it again. The barmaid, disgusted, accepts his apology and asks what he wants again. "I want to pull down your knickers, spread cottage cheese between your arse cheeks and lick it off." he replies. "What???" screams the barmaid, "That's it, you're barred, you dirty, filthy, perverted bastard, GET OUT NOW!" Once again the bloke apologises, and says he will never, ever do it again. "Right. I'll give you one last chance," says the barmaid, "now, what do you want?" "I want to turn you upside down, fill your pussy with Guinness and drink it all out of you." The barmaid starts crying and runs upstairs to her husband, who is sitting down watching the telly. "What's up, love?" says the husband. "There's this disgusting bloke downstairs! When I asked him what he wanted, he said that he wanted to put his head between my tits and lick the sweat off." she says in a flood of tears. "What?! He's a dead man!" shouts the husband getting out of his chair. "Then he said he wanted to pull down my knickers spread cottage cheese between my arse cheeks and lick it off!" screams the wife. "Right, he's going to need a body bag the bastard!" shouts the husband rolling up his sleeves and picking up a baseball bat. "Then he said he wanted to turn me upside down, fill my pussy with Guinness and drink it out of me" she concludes. When he hears this the husband puts the baseball bat down and sits back down in his chair. "Aren't you going to do something?!!" shouts the wife in hysterics. "Listen love, I'm not messing with someone who can drink 14 pints of Guinness..." | |
Joke by jdw, in Jokes with no home > Pub - Tagged pub , arse , pussy , tits - Current Score: 90 - Added: 10 months ago
| I have to admit,I may not be the best at oral sex, but why does the wife keep rubbing my nose in it? | |
Joke by MICK THE MAG, in Sex and shit > Wife - Tagged wife , sex , pussy - Current Score: 89 - Added: 4 weeks ago
| A man went fishing and hadn't caught a thing in four hours, when all of a sudden the local vicar turned up and cast his rod into the stream and within half an hour his keep net was full! The man is getting quite pissed off at this so decides to ask the vicar how he does it. The vicar kindly tells him "well my son, go home tonight and rub your hand between your wifes legs, and then rub it in with all your worms and the smell will attract the fish!". The man thinks this is a good idea so he goes home and sees the wife standing by the stove cooking dinner, he goes up to her, sticks his hand up her skirt and starts rubbing away. The wife giggles and says "Oh hello vicar, off fishing again?"!!!! | |
Joke by welshmadman, in Sex and shit > Wife - Tagged wife , husband , vicar , fishing , fish , smell , pussy - Current Score: 79 - Added: 7 months ago
| Mr Penis asks the pair of balls, "Would you like to go to a pussy party?" The pair of balls say, "Fuck off! Every time we go to one of those, you always go in and leave us fucking knocking on the outside!" | |
Joke by pornstar, in Sex and shit > Penis - Tagged penis , balls , pussy , party , knocking - Current Score: 70 - Added: 3 months ago
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