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| Apparently these are real answers from Quiz programs. BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2) Jamie Theakston: Where do you think Cambridge University is? Contestant: Geography isn't my strong point. Theakston: There's a clue in the title. Contestant: Leicester. PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR) Wood: What 'K' could be described as the Islamic Bible? Contestant: Er. . . Wood: It's got two syllables . . . Kor . . . Contestant: Blimey? BBC NORFOLK Stewart White: Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World? Contestant: I don't know. White: I'll give you some clues. What do you call the part between your hand and your elbow? Contestant: Arm. White: Correct. And if you're not weak, you're . .? Contestant: Strong. White: Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name? Contestant: Louis. White: Well, there we are then. So, who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful World? Contestant: Frank Sinatra? LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS) Alex Trelinski: What's the capital of Italy? Contestant: France. Trelinski: France is another country. Try again. Contestant: Oh, um, Benidorm. Trelinski: Wrong, sorry, let's try another question. In which country is the Parthenon? Contestant: Sorry, I don't know. Trelinski: Just guess a country then. Contestant: Paris. BEACON RADIO, (Wolverhampton) DJ Mark: For £10, what is the nationality of the Pope? Ruth from Rowley Regis: I think I know that one. Is it Jewish? GWR FM, (Bristol) Presenter: What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963? Contestant: I don't know, I wasn't watching it then. LINCOLNSHIRE FM PHONE-IN Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world? Contestant: Barcelona. Presenter: I was really after the name of a country. Contestant: I'm sorry; I don't know the names of any countries in Spain. NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1) Q: What is the world's largest continent? A: The Pacific RICHARD AND JUDY (C4)) Presenter: On which street did Sherlock Holmes live? Contestant: Er. . . Presenter: He makes bread. . . Contestant: Err... Presenter: He makes cakes . . Contestant: Kipling Street? BREAKFAST SHOW (RADIO 1) Chris Moyles: Which 's' is a kind of whale that can grow up to 80 tonnes? Contestant: Ummm. . . Moyles: It begins with 's' and rhymes with 'perm'. Contestant: Shark. JAMES O'BRIEN SHOW (LBC) O'Brien: How many kings of England have been called Henry? Contestant: Well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth. . . er . . . Three? CHRIS SEARLE SHOW (BBC RADIO BRISTOL) Searle: In which European country is Mount Etna? Caller: Japan. Searle: I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear that, I can let you try again. Caller: Er . . . Mexico? PAUL WAPPAT (BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE) Wappat: How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israel last? Contestant (after long pause): Fourteen days. DARYL DENHAM'S DRIVETIME (VIRGIN RADIO) Denham: In which country would you spend shekels? Contestant: Holland? Denham: Try the next letter of the alphabet. Contestant: Iceland? Ireland? Denham (helpfully): It's a bad line. Did you say Israel? Contestant: No. STEVE WRIGHT IN THE AFTERNOON (RADIO 2) Wright: Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which jungle-swinging character clad only in a loincloth did he play? Contestant: Jesus NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1) Eamonn Holmes: There are three states of matter: solid, liquid and . . ? Contestant: Jelly. THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2) Anne Robinson: In traffic, what 'j' is where two roads meet? Contestant: Jool carriageway? QUIZMANIA (ITV) Greg Scott: We're looking for an occupation beginning with T. Contestant: Doctor. Scott: No, it's 'T'. 'T' for Tommy. 'T' for Tango. Contestant: Oh, (pause) Doctor. BIG QUIZ (LBC) Gary King: Name the funny men who once entertained kings and queens at court. Contestant: Lepers. TALKSPORT Andy Townsend: How many wheels does a tricycle have? Caller: Two. Townsend: The Beatles were known as the Fab...? Caller: Five. MAGIC 52 (NORTH-EAST ENGLAND) Presenter: In what year was President Kennedy assassinated? Contestant: Erm... Presenter: Well, let's put it this way - he didn't see 1964. Contestant: 1965? FAMILY FORTUNES. Presenter : Name a bird with a long neck? Contestant : Naomi Campbell Presenter : Name a dangerous race? Contestant :The Arabs Presenter : Name something that's red? Contestant : My Nan's Cardigan |    |
Joke by staffer, in Religion and racism > Nigger - Tagged how bizzare , quiz , stupid , idiot - Current Score: 240 - Added: 4 weeks ago
| Went to a quiz night the other night and this question came up: "Who was the last member of the royal family to be assassinated?" Apparently "Diana" was incorrect. | |
Joke by sickjokemcgee, in Celebrity and news events > Diana - Tagged diana , royal family , quiz - Current Score: 206 - Added: 1 month ago
| My local's rough as anything. I went to the pub quiz the other night. First question was, "What the fuck are you looking at?" | |
Joke by Gaiden, in Jokes with no home > Pub - Tagged pub , hard , glasgow , quiz , jack dee - Current Score: 53 - Added: 6 months, 24 days ago
| HOW AMERICAN ARE YOU? 1. You decide that your relationship with you partner is over. How do you break the news that you are leaving? a) Leave a tearful note on the kitchen table and slip away into the night b) Attack him with a chair leg in front of a rabble of cheering, pumped up trailer trash vermin, on national television. - 2. Where are you most likely to find your local policeman? a) Outside the police house in the village mending a puncture on his bicycle. b) On his yacht, wearing a pastel suit with the sleeves rolled up, feeding his pet crocodile. - 3. Your fourteen year old son is going through a difficult phase. He is becoming disruptive at school and a recluse at home. What do you do? a) Don't worry, it's just a phase he is going through. You were the same at his age. b) Take him to the local supermarket and buy him an arsenal of weaponry and enough ammo to kill a small town. - 4. You and your pals decide to go to the park and have a game of football. What do you bring? a) A ball and two coats (for goalposts) b) A ball, 50 crash helmets, 4 tonnes of body armour, 20 cheer leaders, a marching souza band and a team of othopedic surgeons specialising in spinal injuries. - 5. You are driving along a country road when you accidentally run over a rabbit. What do you do? a) Stop and see how badly injured it is, taking it to a vet if it's alive. b) Strap it across the hood of your car and drive home hooping and a hollering, while throwing empty cans of Budweiser out the window. - 6. You wake up one morning with a sore neck. What do you do? a) Ignore it, it will probably go away. b) Take yourself to a prostitute addicted televangelist faith healer in an ill fitting wig, who will lay his hands on you, whilst screaming about devils in front of an audience of gibbering inbreds. - 7. What do you have for breakfast? a) A bowl of cornflakes, a slice of toast and a coffee. b) A bag of donuts with ice cream, a 32 ounce steak with 6 eggs sunny side up, fifteen pancakes covered in a gallon of maple syrup, a dozen waffles, 5 corn dogs and a diet root beer. - 8. What kind of car do you drive? a) A small economical runabout b) A forty foot long chromium plated jukebox that does 2 miles to the gallon. - 9. You decide to get married. What kind of ceremony do you have? a) A quiet little service with a few friends. b) A minute long mockery at a 24hr drive thru chapel in Las Vegas, presided over by a transvestite vicar dressed as Elvis. -- If you answered mostly As, you're in no way American. You probably spell colour with a 'U'. If you answered mostly Bs, you're a card carrying member of Uncle Sam's brigade and you've probably got 4th of July tattooed on your ass. | |
Joke by Retard, in Religion and racism > Americans - Tagged american , quiz , viz , yanks , uncle sam , list - Current Score: 40 - Added: 6 months ago
| This 'true story' about the radio presenter from Sydney is a variation on an old English joke about Derek Batey's TV quiz show Mr & Mrs. I remember being told it back in the 1970s. I also remember it being quite funny. I don't remember anybody ever trying to pass it off as an actual event. Until now! | |
Joke by Guest, in Jokes with no home > Accident - Tagged radio , quiz , true story , sydney - Current Score: -1 - Added: 11 months ago
DaNkaTa got buried to -7. Reveal Joke
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