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| A Catholic priest and a rabbi are walking down the street one day when they see a pair of angelic-looking 12-year-old boys playing football in the park. The priest turns to the rabbi, nudges him in the ribs and says: "I tell you what; let's go and screw those boys" The rabbi looked at him curiously and answered: "Out of what?" |    |
Joke by ht, in Religion and racism > Priest - Tagged priest , rabbi - Current Score: 355 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| A Jewish man asks, “Rabbi, what should I do? My son has converted to Christianity.” “I don’t know,” answered the Rabbi. “Come back tomorrow, and I’ll ask advice from God.” The man comes back the next day. “I can’t help you,” says the Rabbi. “God told me he has the same problem.” | |
Joke by EdgarBriggs, in Religion and racism > Jews - Tagged god , rabbi , jewish , problem - Current Score: 175 - Added: 5 days ago
| A priest walks into a barber's shop and sits down. The barber gives him a nice haircut. When the priest asks him how much the haircut will cost, the barber replies, "I never charge a man who does God's work." The priest thanks him and the next day the barber finds three bottles of wine on his front step. Later that day a minister enters his shop to get his hair cut. When the barber's done the minister asks him what the damage is. The barber replies, "I never charge a man who does God's work." The minister thanks him and the next day the barber finds three loaves of bread on the front step. Later that day a rabbi walks in and sits down. When the barber is done and the rabbi inquires about the cost, the barber replies, "I never charge a man who does God's work." The rabbi thanks him and the next day the barber finds three rabbis on his front step. | |
Joke by teddyy, in Religion and racism > Rabbi - Tagged priest , rabbi - Current Score: 114 - Added: 4 months ago
| A priest and a rabbi were sitting next to each other on an airplane. After a while, the priest turned to the rabbi and asked, "Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork? " The rabbi responded, "Yes, that is still one of our beliefs." The priest then asked, "Have you ever eaten pork?" To which the rabbi replied, "Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted a ham sandwich." The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading. A while later, the rabbi spoke up and asked the priest, "Is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate? The priest replied, "Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith." The rabbi then asked him, "Have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?" The priest replied, "Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke my faith and made love to a woman." The rabbi nodded understandingly and remained silent, thinking about five minutes. Finally, the rabbi said, "Beats a fucking ham sandwich, doesn't it?" | |
Joke by stu71, in Religion and racism > Priest - Tagged priest , rabbi - Current Score: 101 - Added: 11 months ago
| At a meeting in a synagogue, Yossef asks the Rabbi, "Rabbi, why do people hate us so much?" The Rabbi says, "That's an interesting question. How about we all talk about it tomorrow over some vodka. Each one of you should bring a bottle so we can mix it in a big pot and drink and discuss, and the answer will become clear." Yossef went home and thought to himself, "If everyone else is going to bring a bottle of vodka, if I bring a bottle of water then no-one will notice the difference." And water was what he brought. The Rabbi poured all the vodka together in one pot and started mixing it. Yossef got anxious. "Well, Rabbi, what is the answer to my question? Why do people hate us so much?" The Rabbi filled a cup and said, "Drink this Yossef." Yossef did and said, "But this is water!" "And this is why the people hate us." | |
Joke by eoghain616, in Sex and shit > Adultery - Tagged synagogue , rabbi , money , tight , yids - Current Score: 99 - Added: 6 months ago
| At the end of the tax year, the Tax Office sent an inspector to audit the books of a synagogue. While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said, "I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?" "Good question," noted the Rabbi. "We save them up and send them back to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box of candles." "Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way. "What about all these biscuit purchases. What do you do with the crumbs?" "Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. "We collect them and send them back to the manufacturers, and every now and then they send a free box of holy biscuits." "I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all Rabbi. "Well, Rabbi," he went on, "what do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?" "Here, too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save up all the foreskins and send them to the Tax Office, and about once a year they send us a complete dick." | |
Joke by funkyfrog, in Sex and shit > Adultery - Tagged jew , rabbi , tax man , foreskin , circumcision , tax - Current Score: 74 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| A minister, a priest, and a rabbi went for a hike one very hot day. They were sweating and exhausted when they came upon a small lake. Since it was fairly secluded, they took off all their clothes and jumped in the water. Refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying their "freedom." As they were crossing an open area, along came a group of ladies from town. The men ran for cover, with the minister and priest covering their privates and the rabbi covering his face. After the ladies were gone and the men had retrieved their clothes, the minister asked the rabbi why he covered his face and not his privates. The rabbi replied, "I don't know about you, but in MY congregation, it's my face they would recognize." | |
Joke by niggers out, in Religion and racism > Rabbi - Tagged rabbi , priest , minister , woman , sex , prick , dick - Current Score: 38 - Added: 8 months ago
| A catholic priest and a rabbi find them sitting next to each other on a long journey, and so after some hesitation start to talk to each other. After discussing the weather and the cricket, the priest turns to the rabbi and says that he thought it was rather strange that he was not allowed to eat pork, and asked him whether he ever had. The rabbi replied, "Well, when I was a small boy, I did in fact taste a small piece of bacon." "What was it like?" asked the priest. The rabbi replied: "Not nearly as good as sex." | |
Joke by mikey, in Religion and racism > Rabbi - Tagged rabbi , priest , sex , pork , religion - Current Score: 28 - Added: 11 months ago
| A priest and a rabbi show up at the Pearly Gates. Peter says, "can I help you boys?" "Well, yeah, we just died and we would like to come in to Heaven." Peter looks at his clipboard and says, "I don't think so. You have been pretty bad on Earth and we don't let people like that in here. But I'll tell you what; go ahead and go to Hell, just for now. If Satan will let you come back, I will let you in." Peter sends them away, laughing, because Satan never lets anyone go to Heaven. About ten minutes later, the preacher shows back up at the Pearly Gates. Peter says, "No shit! Satan let you come back?" "Yeah, he was in a good mood and said for twenty bucks each we could get out of Hell." "Well, where is that rabbi?" "I don't know, when I left he had Satan down to $19.95." | |
Joke by schlong69, in Sex and shit > Adultery - Tagged jews , rabbi , heaven , hell , satan - Current Score: 23 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| A World War Two prison camp commandant decides that he'll be nice and release three people from his camp as it's Christmas. He tells his officers to round up three people, an Englishman, an American and a Jewishman. They all stand before him, worried about what is to happen to them. The commandant says, "I have decided, as it is Christmas, to let you all go free if you can each answer a simple question." "First of all you my fine English fellow". The Englishman waits to hear what the question is. "The great ship titanic that was constructed is akin to our wonderful Admiral Graf Spei do you not think," the Englishman says "Yes I suppose it is". The commandant says "But you did not build it well did you it sank." "Yes it did" said the Englishman. "When did it sink?" asked the commandant. "1912" said the Englishman, The commadant said "That is correct, you know your history well", he turns and says Unterscharfuhrer, "Release this man". The commandant says "And you my American friend, do you know of this matter, you should do as the survivors were taken to New York in your country, isn't that correct?" The American says "Yes it is and yes I do". "Fine" says the commandant, "How many people perished on the titanic?" The American said "I don't know exactly, can I guess", the commandant says "OK you may guess". The American says "I think it was just over a thousand people that drowned." The commandant says "That's close enough, you also know your history". he turns and again says Unterscharfuhrer, "Open the gate and release this man" and off the American goes. The commandant turns back again and with a smile says, "Ah, Jew, name them?" | |
Joke by gazstewi, in Religion and racism > Holocaust - Tagged commandant , english , scottish , rabbi - Current Score: 22 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
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