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| Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit didn't like each other very much. One day, while walking through the woods, they came across a golden frog. They were amazed when the frog talked to them. The golden frog admitted that he didn't often meet anyone, but, when he did, he always gave them six wishes. He told them that they could have 3 wishes each. Mr. Bear immediately wished that all the other bears in the forest were females. The frog granted his wish. Mr. Rabbit, after thinking for a while, wished for a crash helmet. One appeared immediately, and he placed it on his head. Mr. Bear was amazed at Mr. Rabbit's wish, but carried on with his second wish. He wished that all the bears in the neighboring forests were females as well, and the frog granted his wish. Mr.Rabbit then wished for a motorcycle. It appeared before him, and he climbed on board and started revving the engine. Mr. Bear could not believe it and complained that Mr. Rabbit had wasted two wishes that he could have had for himself. Shaking his head, Mr. Bear made his final wish, that all the other bears in the world were females as well, leaving him as the only male bear in the world. The frog replied that it had been done, and they both turned to Mr. Rabbit for his last wish. Mr. Rabbit revved the engine, thought for a second, then said, "I wish that Mr. Bear was gay!" and rode off as fast as he could. |    |
Joke by Ciabi, in Sex and shit > Paedophilia - Tagged bear , rabbit , wish , gay , wishes , frog , gold , female , sex , bears , motor , bike , motorbike , motorcycle , cycle - Current Score: 352 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| My girlfriend asked me to indulge her in something a bit kinky last night. She said she had this rape fantasy that she'd always wanted to try out. Really regretting it now though. My arsehole hurts like fuck, and she says she'll kill my pet rabbit if I tell my parents. | |
Joke by bleary, in Sex and shit > Fantasies - Tagged rape fantasy , rabbit - Current Score: 135 - Added: 2 months, 28 days ago
| The SAS, the Parachute Regiment and the Police decide to go on a survival weekend together to see who comes out on top. After some basic exercises the trainer tells them that their next objective is to go down into the woods and catch a rabbit, returning with it ready to skin and cook. Night falls. First up - the SAS. They don infrared goggles, drop to the ground and crawl into the woods in formation. Absolute silence for 5 minutes, followed by the unmistakable muffled "phut-phut" of their trademark silenced "double-tap". They emerge with a large rabbit shot cleanly between the eyes. "Excellent!" remarks the trainer. Next up - the Paras. They finish their cans of lager, smear themselves with camouflage cream, fix bayonets and charge down into the woods, screaming at the top of their lungs. For the next hour the woods ring with the sound of rifle and machine-gun fire, hand grenades, mortar bombs and blood curdling war cries. Eventually they emerge, carrying the charred remains of a rabbit. "A bit messy, but you achieved the aim; well done", says the trainer. Lastly, in go the coppers, walking slowly, hands behind backs whistling Dixon of Dock Green. For the next few hours, the silence is only broken by the occasional crackle of a walkie-talkie "Sierra Lima Whisky Tango Fanta One, suspect headed straight for you..." etc. After what seems an eternity, they emerge escorting a squirrel in handcuffs. "What the hell do you think you are doing?" asks the incredulous trainer, "Take this squirrel back and get me a rabbit like I asked you five hours ago!". So back they go. Minutes pass. Minutes turn to hours. The next morning, the trainer and the other teams are awakened by the police, holding the handcuffed squirrel, now covered in bruises, one eye nearly shut. "Are you taking the piss!!??" asks the now seriously irate trainer. The police team leader nudges the squirrel, who squeaks: "Alright, alright, I confess - I'm a rabbit!" | |
Joke by vasocam, in Jokes with no home > Police - Tagged sas , paras , police , rabbit , squirrel - Current Score: 117 - Added: 9 months ago
| Teacher says to little Johnny "For the last two years you have been bringing me a big bag of raisins every week, why have you stopped?" and little Johnny says "My rabbit's dead miss" | |
Joke by pornstar, in Sex and shit > Little Johnny - Tagged little johnny , rabbit , raisins , teacher - Current Score: 88 - Added: 3 months, 17 days ago
| A blind rabbit bumps into a blind snake. They agree to guess what each other are by touch. The snake says "You have a fluffy tail, big pointy ears and buck teeth - you must be a rabbit" The rabbit replies "You've got dry scaly skin, no lips, no ears, no hair, you're eyebrows aren't there and you're hissing." "Fuck me, you're that paki bomber from Glasgow airport!" | |
Joke by hangman, in Celebrity and news events > Glasgow Airport - Tagged snake , rabbit , glasgow , bomb - Current Score: 42 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| How long is a hair on a rabbit's back? About 10 minutes. | |
Joke by manning79, in Religion and racism > ? - Tagged rabbit , hair , minutes , back - Current Score: 26 - Added: 9 months ago
| This guy comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit is very dead and the guy panics. He thinks the neighbors are going to hate him forever, so he takes the dirty, chewed-up rabbit into the house, gives it a bath, blow-dries its fur, and puts the rabbit back into the cage at the neighbor's house, hoping that they will think it died of natural causes. A few days later, the neighbor is outside and asks the guy, "Did you hear that Fluffy died?" The guy stumbles around and says, "Um.. no.. um.. what happened?" The neighbor replies, "We just found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him we went outside and someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. There must be some real sick people out there!" wasnt this on urban legends? | |
Joke by lorddread, in Jokes with no home > Accident - Tagged rabbit , dead - Current Score: 25 - Added: 4 months, 25 days ago
| A rabbit one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he had been born and brought up. As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life. "Wow, this is great," he thought. It wasn't long before he came to a hedge and, after squeezing under it he saw a wonderful sight: lots of other bunny rabbits, all free and nibbling at the lush grass. Hey," he called. "I'm a rabbit from the laboratory and I've just escaped. Are you wild rabbits?" "Yes. Come and join us," they cried. Our friend hopped over to them and started eating the grass. It tasted so good. "What else do you wild rabbits do?" he asked. "Well," one of them said. "You see that field there? It's got carrots growing in it. We dig them up and eat them." This he couldn't resist and he spent the next hour eating the most succulent carrots. They were wonderful. Later, he asked them again, "What else do you do?" "You see that field there? It's got lettuce growing in it. We eat them as well." The lettuce tasted just as good and he returned a while later completely full. "Is there anything else you guys do?" he asked. One of the other rabbits came a bit closer to him and spoke softly. "There's one other thing you must try. You see those rabbits there," he said, pointing to the far corner of the field. "They're girls. We s*ag them. Go and try it." Well, our friend spent the rest of the morning screwing his little heart out until, completely knackered, he staggered back over to the guys. "That was fantastic," he panted. "So are you going to live with us then?" one of them asked. "I'm sorry, I had a great time but I can't." The wild rabbits all stared at him, a bit surprised. "Why? We thought you liked it here." "I do," our friend replied. "But I must get back to the laboratory. I'm dying for a cigarette." | |
Joke by PALROSS, in Jokes with no home > Random - Tagged rabbit , lab , fag - Current Score: 25 - Added: 10 months ago
| One day, the daddy rabbit says to his family, "Look over there, the grass is greener on the other side of the motorway". So daddy rabbit gets his family lined up at the side, shouts, "1, 2, 3, GO!", and they run like fuck. The only rabbit to survive is the baby rabbit. A few months later, a family of skunks have the same idea, so they line up. "1, 2, 3, GO!", shouts the daddy skunk. Same again, only the baby skunk survives, and scampers off into the lovely green grass. A few weeks later, the baby rabbit and the baby skunk bump into each other. "What are you?", asks the baby rabbit, and the skunk says the same. The skunk says, "Well you have big floppy ears, a twitchy nose and a bob tail. I know you're a rabbit". So the rabbit looks at the skunk and says, "Well you're not black and you're not white, and you fuckin stink, I know what you are, yer a fuckin' Paki." | |
Joke by Guest, in Religion and racism > Pakistani - Tagged rabbit , skunk , racist , pakistani - Current Score: 24 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| A bear wakes up and, like all animals do when they wake up, he goes behind a bush to take a shit. While he's back there, he spots a rabbit nearby doing the same thing. It's a little quiet, so he decides to strike up a conversation. "Hey," the bear says, "you ever have problems with shit sticking to your fur?" "Nope," replies the rabbit. So the bear picked up the rabbit and wiped his ass with it. | |
Joke by Hercules Poirot, in Sex and shit > Shit - Tagged bear , rabbit , shit , woods - Current Score: 17 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
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