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| My wife, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me one of these mood rings so she could monitor my mood. We discovered that when I am in a good mood it turns green and when I am in a bad mood it leaves a big fucking red mark on her forehead. |    |
Joke by bobbydgg, in Sex and shit > Domestic Violence - Tagged mood , swings , wife , beat , ring , abuse - Current Score: 3275 - Added: 9 months ago
| Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question. "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun how many would be left?" "None," replied Johnny, "'Cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "But I like the way you are thinking." Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you now. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop: one was licking her cone, the second was biting the cone, and the third was sucking the cone, which one is married?" "Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone?" "No," said Little Johnny, "The one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you are thinking." | |
Joke by bennycmufc, in Sex and shit > Little Johnny - Tagged wedding ring , class , school , ring , teacher , little johnny , ice cream , married - Current Score: 181 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| A tramp walks into a jewellers, puts his hands down his trousers and starts fingering his arsehole. The sales assistant shouts at him 'Stop what you're doing and get out!' The tramp says 'You want to make your fucking minds up, you've a sign on the window says come inside and pick your ring in comfort.' | |
Joke by McLOVIN, in Sex and shit > Anal - Tagged anal , fingering , arse , ring , dirty , tramp , shop , assistant , comfort - Current Score: 115 - Added: 1 year ago
| I felt a bit fed up today so to cheer myself up I watched my wedding video backwards. I love the end bit where I take my ring off, go back down the aisle , jump in the car and fuck off. | |
Joke by blakes, in Sex and shit > Marriage - Tagged wedding , marriage , church , ring , weddings , wedding video - Current Score: 110 - Added: 2 months ago
| I thought I hadn't been paying my wife much attention recently so, as it was her birthday on Friday, I decided I would give her a ring as a present. Amazingly that started another row. Because I rang her from the pub. | |
Joke by itchyanus, in Sex and shit > Wife - Tagged ring , wife - Current Score: 103 - Added: 4 weeks ago
| Three men were drinking at a bar -- a doctor, an attorney and a biker. As the doctor was drinking his white wine he said, "For her birthday, I'm going to buy my wife a fur coat and a diamond ring. This way, if she doesn't like the fur coat she will still love me because she got a diamond ring." As the attorney was drinking his martini he said, "For my wife's birthday, I'm going to buy her a designer dress and a gold bracelet. This way, if she doesn't like the dress she will still love me because she got the gold bracelet." As the biker was drinking his shots of whiskey he said, "I'm going to buy my wife a T-shirt and a vibrator. This way, if she doesn't like the T-shirt she can go fuck herself!" | |
Joke by McLOVIN, in Sex and shit > Fuck - Tagged vibrator , t-shirt , ring , birthday , bar , doctor , biker , drinking , wine , love , coat , designer - Current Score: 84 - Added: 1 year ago
| When was the last time a boxer became champion and then shat in the ring? Crufts 1964. | |
Joke by pornstar, in Jokes with no home > Dog - Tagged boxer , dog , shit , ring - Current Score: 79 - Added: 2 months ago
| How come when you ring a wrong number, its never engaged. | |
Joke by stig2112, in Jokes with no home > Accident - Tagged ring , number , engaged , phone - Current Score: 61 - Added: 2 months ago
| A young bride and groom-to-be had just selected their wedding rings. As the young lady admired the plain platinum and diamond band she had chosen for herself, she suddenly looked concerned. "Tell me," she asked the rather elderly salesman, "is there anything special I'll have to do to take care of this ring?" With a fatherly smile, the salesman said, "one of the best ways to protect a wedding ring is to soak it in dishwater." | |
Joke by niggers out, in Illness and mortality > Marriage - Tagged marriage , wedding , ring , dishwater - Current Score: 55 - Added: 2 months ago
| I was out with a Liverpool lass the other night. I was just getting down to some serious heavy-petting when she whispered "That's nice, but your ring's scratching inside me.." I said, "It's not my ring, it's my watch!!" | |
Joke by Vaginadiner, in Sex and shit > Fingering - Tagged ring , scratching , wristwatch , heavy-petting - Current Score: 25 - Added: 5 months ago
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