Sorted by: Highest Scoring | Lowest Scoring | Newest | Oldest
Showing all jokes.
| A popular bar had a new robotic bartender installed, to make serving drinks more efficient. A guy came in for a drink and the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?" The man replied, "140." So the robot proceeded to make conversation about string theory and the latest cancer research. The man listened intently and thought, "This is absolutely great." Another guy came in for a drink and the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?" The man responded, "120." So the robot started talking about the controversies surrounding creationism and the abortion argument. The man thought to himself, "Wow, this is fantastic." A third guy came in to the bar. As with the others, the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?" The man replied, "65." The robot then said, "So, how are things in America these days?" |    |
Joke by bicycle day, in Religion and racism > Americans - Tagged robot , bar , american , iq , string theory , creationism - Current Score: 611 - Added: 2 months, 4 days ago
| The Paralympics is to start soon; so take care not to offend any disabled people nearby...by referring to it as 'The Real Robot Wars' | |
Joke by robydoby, in Illness and mortality > Disability - Tagged paralympics , offend , disabled , robot - Current Score: 172 - Added: 3 months, 7 days ago
| One day Kyle's dad brought home a robot. The robot was special in that it could detect a lie and would slap the person who lied on the face. Kyle returned late from school that day and his dad asked him, "Son why are you late from school?" Kyle answered, "Dad, we had extra classes today". Much to his astonishment the robot jumped up and slapped Kyle on his face. His dad told him, "Son this robot is special in that it can detect a Lie and will then slap the person who lied. Now come on tell me the truth. Why are you late?" "Dad, I went to a movie" "Which movie?" "The Ten Commandments" Immediately, Kyle got a slap on the face from the robot. "Sorry Dad, I went to see the movie Sex Queen". "Shame on you son, when I was your age I never watched obscene movies or misbehaved" Immediately, the dad gets a tight slap on the face from the robot. Hearing the last sentence, Kyle's mother comes walking out of the kitchen and sarcastically says to her husband, "After all he is YOUR son!!!" To which the robot steps up and gives Kyle's mother a resounding slap on her face! | |
Joke by niggers out, in Illness and mortality > Lie Detector - Tagged lie , detector , mother , father , son , robot , sex , queen - Current Score: 36 - Added: 8 months, 18 days ago
| A man goes to a public golf course. He approaches the man behind the counter in the pro shop and says, "I would like 18 holes of golf and a caddie." The man behind the counter says, "the 18 holes of golf is no problem, but all of the caddies are out on the course. What I will do for you is this: We just received 8 brand new robot golf caddies. If you're willing to take one with you out on the course and come back and tell me how well it works, your round of golf is on me today." The golfer obviously accepted the man's offer. He approached the first tee, looked at the fairway and said to himself, "I think my driver will do the job." The robot caddie turned to the man and said, "no, sir. Use your 3 wood. A driver is far too much club for this hole." Hesitantly, the golfer pulled out his 3 wood, made good contact with the ball, and the ball landed about 10 feet to the right front of the hole on the green. The golfer, delighted, turned to the robot and thanked him for his assistance. As the golfer pulled out his putter he said, "I think this green is gonna break left to right." The robot then again spoke up and said, "no, sir, I do believe this green will break right to left." Thinking about the last time the robot corrected his prediction, he decided again to listen to the machine. He made his putt and birdied the hole thanks to the robot and his advice. But his luck didn't end there. His entire game was the best game he ever played, thanks to the assistance of the new robot golf caddie. Upon returning to the clubhouse, the man behind the counter asked, "how was your game?" The golfer stated, "it was, by far, the BEST game I ever played. Thank you very much for letting me take one of your robots. See you next week." A week passed and, excited, the golfer returned to the pro shop. Upon entering, he turned to the man behind the counter and said, "I would like 18 holes of golf and one of those robot golf caddies, please." The gentleman from behind the counter turned to the man and said, "well, the 18 holes is no problem. However, we had to get rid of the robots. We had too many complaints." Confused, the golfer cried, "COMPLAINTS? Who in the heck could've complained about those robots? They were incredible" The man sighed and said, "well, it wasn't their performance. It was that they were made of shiny silver metal, and the sun reflecting off them was blinding to other golfers on the fairway." The golfer said, "so then why didn't you just paint them black?" The man nodded sadly and replied, "we did. Then four of 'em didn't show up for work, two filed for welfare, and the other two robbed the pro shop." | |
Joke by Guest, in Religion and racism > Pakistani - Tagged black , golf , robot - Current Score: 31 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| "Seen my new secretary?" asked the businessman. "Yeah," his buddy replied," she's gorgeous." "Well, she's a Robot, the latest model from Japan." "Jeez, that's amazing! What can she do?" "If you squeeze her left tit, she takes dictation. If you squeeze her right tit, she types 185 words per minute for you. And when you screw her it feels better than the real thing." "Sounds perfect." "l got hurt once, though." "How?" "Well," he grimaced, "let's just say I didn't know her ass was a pencil sharpener." | |
Joke by giobob, in Sex and shit > Secretary - Tagged secretary , robot , anal - Current Score: 12 - Added: 4 days ago
| I can't wait till the future when we've got robots to help round the house! I'll get mine to do the washing up, the hoovering, and cook the meals. I'm not gonna divorce the wife though - I'll still need somebody to switch the bloody thing on and off. | |
Joke by Aspen, in Jokes with no home > Robot - Tagged robot , wife , sexism , lazy - Current Score: 3 - Added: 3 weeks ago
Showing all jokes.
Custurd spent 0.11ms doing 8 queries and 0.01s processing. She's 0.75% angry.
Sickipedia v2.7 - a cr3ative media® project. © '05-09 Rob Manuel