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| I work for the Samaritans. I tried to call in sick this morning but the fuckers talked me out of it. |    |
Joke by leisuresuitlee, in Jokes with no home > One Liners - Tagged job , samaritans , sick , bastards - Current Score: 350 - Added: 1 year, 6 months ago
| I've been saving a fortune lately. Instead of spending a fortune ringing expensive sex lines, I ring the Samaritans and say, "talk dirty or I'll kill myself!" | |
Joke by FELTCHGIBBON, in Sex and shit > Phone Sex - Tagged sex , phone , dirty , samaritans - Current Score: 224 - Added: 2 months, 9 days ago
| I used to work for the Samaritans and I'll never forget the last call I took. Me-"Hello, Samaritans, can I help you?" Caller-"I've done something terrible." Me-"Can you talk to me about it?" Caller-"I asked a little girl to get into my car." Me-"And did she?" Caller-"Yes she did and then I stroked her leg." Me-"Then what happened?" Caller-"I put my hand up her skirt and touched her little fanny." Me-"I see,and what else did you do?" Caller-"Well,I took out my penis and moved her head towards it until my penis was in her mouth." Me-"Okay, thats okay, you can talk to me I'm here to listen. Please go on." Caller-"Well, then I took down my trousers and lifted her skirt up and pulled her knickers down." Me-"Yes, what next?" Caller-"Well thats when she ran away" Me-"For fucks sake! Make something up, quickly! | |
Joke by mickle, in Sex and shit > Paedophile - Tagged samaritans , little girl , molest , wanking - Current Score: 50 - Added: 4 months, 10 days ago
| I called the Samaritans in Bridgend the other day, the voice at the other end told me they were very busy at the moment so please hang on the line. | |
Joke by Guest, in Celebrity and news events > Bridgend - Tagged bridgend , samaritans , suicide - Current Score: 36 - Added: 9 months, 10 days ago
| I work for the Samaritans and got a call last night from a Muslim guy who was threatening to kill himself. He said he was close to some overhead electrical cables. I told him to hold the line. | |
Joke by Gobshite, in Sex and shit > Paedophile - Tagged samaritans , muslim , cables - Current Score: 34 - Added: 1 year ago
| Aparently the Samaritans don't appreciate it if you call up and demand to speak to "the good one." Tossers. | |
Joke by agentleman, in Jokes with no home > samaritans - Tagged samaritans - Current Score: 33 - Added: 2 months, 10 days ago
| I used to work for the Samaritans - not a great success - five people rang up, and they all ended up committing suicide. It gets worse - two of them were wrong numbers. | |
Joke by bizlop, in Illness and mortality > Suicide - Tagged samaritans , suicide , phone numbers , red dwarf or possibly older than that , rimmer , lister - Current Score: 30 - Added: 5 months, 17 days ago
| I was so depressed the other night I called The Samaritans and got through to a call center in Pakistan. When I told them I was suicidal they got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck. | |
Joke by guitar678, in Religion and racism > Pakistani - Tagged paki , muslim , bomb , suicide , bombers , suicide bombers , samaritans , call centre - Current Score: 29 - Added: 8 months, 13 days ago
| Apparently The Samaritans in Bridgend have now gone ex directory. | |
Joke by ben dover, in Celebrity and news events > Bridgend - Tagged bridgend , samaritans , wales , ex directory - Current Score: 23 - Added: 1 month, 29 days ago
| Samaritans are offering counselling to all Chelsea fans. Call 0800 101010 that's 0800 won nothing won nothing won nothing. | |
Joke by slaughterama, in Celebrity and news events > Chelsea - Tagged samaritans , chelsea - Current Score: -2 - Added: 6 months, 7 days ago
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