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| This 8 year old girl goes into Santa's grotto, she sits on his lap and father Christmas says, "Hello little girl, what do you want for Christmas my dear?" The little girl says, "Some of my older friends at school have got some hair between their legs, and I would like some there too!" Santa says, "Will a little white beard be ok?" |    |
Joke by pornstar, in Sex and shit > Paedophile - Tagged santa , girl , hair , beard , white , grotto , christmas - Current Score: 174 - Added: 1 year ago
| Santa is visiting a small community in Ethiopia. All the kids from the Village gathered with excitement in the main tent. Santa walks in with his big sack on his back, and all the little faces light up. Once he sat down, he looks at the kids. - Ho ho ho, children. I couldn't help but noticed you are painfully skinny. A little distant voice from the kids. - It's because we don't eat properly Mr Santa. Santa stands up, and puts his sack on his back, as he starts walking out. - I'm afraid if you don't eat properly, no Christmas presents for you. | |
Joke by dirt_on_my_shirt, in Jokes with no home > Africa - Tagged santa , africa , ethiopians , christmas - Current Score: 159 - Added: 2 weeks ago
| Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect. One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering the toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple; and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident. Question: Who was the survivor? Answer: The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man. **** Women stop reading here, that is the end of the joke. **** Men keep scrolling. So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the woman must have been driving. This explains why there was a car accident. By the way, if you're a woman and you're still reading, this illustrates another point: Women never listen | |
Joke by J111STRX8, in Sex and shit > Sexist - Tagged women , men , santa , wife , husband , sexist - Current Score: 135 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is Little Johnny on his shiny new bike. The cop says to the Little Johnny, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?" Little Johnny replies, "Yeah." The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike." The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket. Little Johnny takes the ticket and before he rides off says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?" Humoring Little Johnny, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did." Little Johnny continued, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top." | |
Joke by Hintonian, in Jokes with no home > Police - Tagged santa , police , boy , horse , little johnny - Current Score: 133 - Added: 10 months, 3 days ago
| Little Johnny's father asked him, "Do you know about the birds and the bees?" "I don't want to know!" little Johnny said, bursting into tears. Confused, the father asked little Johnny what was wrong. "Oh dad," Little Johnny sobbed, "At age six I got the 'there's no Santa' speech. At age seven I got the 'there's no Easter bunny' speech. Then at age 8 you hit me with the 'there's no tooth fairy' speech! If you're going to tell me now that grown-ups don't really fuck, I've got nothing left to live for!" | |
Joke by mediator, in Sex and shit > 2 Girls 1 Cup - Tagged santa , tooth fairy , fuck , birds and bees - Current Score: 116 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| When four of Santa's elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones, Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mum was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress. Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hidden the liquor and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider pot, and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw end of the broom. Just then the doorbell rang, and irritable Santa trudged to the door. He opened the Door, and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't it a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?" And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree. | |
Joke by Nangleberry Keen, in Jokes with no home > Christmas - Tagged christmas , santa , angel , tree , arse - Current Score: 107 - Added: 1 year ago
| A small boy wrote to Santa Claus: Dear Santa, Please can you send me a baby brother. Santa wrote back: "Send me your mother then ..." | |
Joke by Mongfoot2, in Jokes with no home > Christmas - Tagged christmas , santa , sex - Current Score: 83 - Added: 1 year ago
| Why is Christmas like a day at work? Because you do all the work and some fat bastard in a suit gets all the credit! | |
Joke by cooperman, in Jokes with no home > Christmas - Tagged christmas , santa , work - Current Score: 77 - Added: 1 year ago
| John, woke up after the annual office Christmas party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening. After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him. "Louise," he moaned, "tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?" "Even worse," she said, her voice oozing scorn. "You made a complete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face." "He's an asshole," John said. "Piss on him." "You did," came the reply. "And he fired you." "Well, screw him!" said John. "I did. You're back at work on Monday." | |
Joke by Holmesie, in Jokes with no home > Christmas - Tagged christmas , xmas , santa , office party - Current Score: 62 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper? He sold his soul to Santa. | |
Joke by Hugh(_!_)Janus, in Illness and mortality > Dyslexia - Tagged santa , dyslexia , devil , worship - Current Score: 52 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago
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