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| An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his file and says, "Ah, you're an engineer you're in the wrong place." So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning and flushing toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy. One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says , "So, how's it going down there in hell?" Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flushing toilets and escalators and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next." God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake - he should never have gotten down there; send him up here." Satan says, "No way! I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him." God says, "Send him back up here, or I'll sue." Satan laughs says, "Yeah, right. And just where the fuck are you going to get a lawyer?" |    |
Joke by sorprendor, in Religion and racism > Hell - Tagged god , satan , hell , heaven , lawyer - Current Score: 87 - Added: 5 months, 11 days ago
| Did you hear about the Irish exorcism? A couple have called in Satan to remove a priest from their son! | |
Joke by the phantom phucker, in Religion and racism > Irish - Tagged irish , exorcism , satan , priest , son - Current Score: 31 - Added: 10 months ago
| They say if you play a Microsoft CD backwards, you hear satanic messages. That's nothing, because if you play it forwards, it installs Windows. | |
Joke by joetalin, in Jokes with no home > Microsoft - Tagged microsoft , windows , satan , cd , urban dictionary - Current Score: 29 - Added: 3 weeks ago
| A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation was sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the back entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate. Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence. So Satan walked up to the man and said, 'Do you know who I am?' The man replied, 'Yep, sure do.' 'Aren't you afraid of me?' Satan asked. 'Nope, sure ain't.' said the man. Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?' asked Satan. 'Don't doubt it for a minute,' returned the old man, in an even tone. 'Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying agony for all eternity?' persisted Satan. 'Yep,' was the calm reply. 'And you're still not afraid?' asked Satan. 'Nope,' said the old man. More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, ' Why aren't you afraid of me?' The man calmly replied, 'Been married to your sister for 48 years.' | |
Joke by Chuckie F, in Illness and mortality > Old People - Tagged church , satan , old man , god - Current Score: 28 - Added: 4 months, 20 days ago
| Plans have begun for Margaret Thatcher's state funeral. It'll be the first time ever the 24 gun salute is fired into the coffin. This funeral is gonna cost 3 million? For 3 million you could buy everyone in Scotland a shovel. We'll dig a hole so deep they will be able to hand the bitch over to Satan in person. | |
Joke by blue--ink, in Jokes with no home > Mock The Week - Tagged thatcher , coffin , dara obriain , funeral , satan , scotland , frankie boyle - Current Score: 23 - Added: 1 month, 21 days ago
| A priest and a rabbi show up at the Pearly Gates. Peter says, "can I help you boys?" "Well, yeah, we just died and we would like to come in to Heaven." Peter looks at his clipboard and says, "I don't think so. You have been pretty bad on Earth and we don't let people like that in here. But I'll tell you what; go ahead and go to Hell, just for now. If Satan will let you come back, I will let you in." Peter sends them away, laughing, because Satan never lets anyone go to Heaven. About ten minutes later, the preacher shows back up at the Pearly Gates. Peter says, "No shit! Satan let you come back?" "Yeah, he was in a good mood and said for twenty bucks each we could get out of Hell." "Well, where is that rabbi?" "I don't know, when I left he had Satan down to $19.95." | |
Joke by schlong69, in Religion and racism > Jews - Tagged jews , rabbi , heaven , hell , satan - Current Score: 19 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
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