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| Seen on a menu in Scotland Vegetarian Option - Fuck off |    |
Joke by OhMyActualDays, in Religion and racism > Scottish - Tagged frankie boyle , scotland , no salad for 200 miles - Current Score: 59 - Added: 2 months ago
| An Englishman, an Irishman, a Welshman and a Scot are captured by the Iraqis. The Iraq troop leader says, "we're going to shoot you, but we will give you one last request." He says to the Welshman, "what's your last request?" The Welshman says, "I want a thousand Welshman singing 'Land of my Fathers'." "Okay, you've got it. What about you?" he says to the Scotsman. "I want a thousand Scots pipers piping Scotland the brave," says the Scot. "You've got it" says the Iraqi. "What's your last request?" he says to the Irishman. "I want a thousand Irishman doing the Riverdance" says Paddy. "It's yours" says the Iraqi. Turning to the Englishman, he says, "and your last request?" The Englishman says, "fucking shoot me first". | |
Joke by CaesarLXV, in Religion and racism > Scottish - Tagged englishman , irishman , scot , iraqi , welshman , scotland - Current Score: 50 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| A girl comes across a drunken scotsman lying in a ditch. The scotsman is fast asleep and the girl decides to take a peek up his kilt to see if the stories are true.She looks,and discovers the stories really are true and that the scotsman is hauling a whopper. As a joke,she takes a blue ribbon out of her hair and ties it round the scotsmans todger. A few hours later,the scotsman wakes up with a hangover and a full bladder.He hitches up his kilt to have a piss and is surprised to see a blue ribbon tied around his dick. "Well laddie,"he says."I don't know where you've been,but i'm mightily pleased to see you won first prize." | |
Joke by cooperman, in Sex and shit > Penis - Tagged scotland , scot , kilt , penis , hung , ribbon - Current Score: 47 - Added: 9 months ago
| WOMAN'S DIARY: Saturday 20th October 2007 Saw him in the evening and he was acting really strangely. I had been shopping in the afternoon with the girls and I did turn up a bit late so thought it might be that. The bar was really crowded and loud so I suggested we go somewhere quieter to talk. He was still very subdued and distracted so I suggested we go somewhere nice to eat. All through dinner he just didn't seem himself; he hardly laughed and didn't seem to be paying any attention to me or to what I was saying. I just knew that something was wrong. He dropped me back home and I wondered if he was going to come in; he hesitated but followed. I asked him again if there was something the matter but he just half shook his head and turned the television on. After about 10 minutes of silence, I said I was going upstairs to bed. I put my arms around him and told him that I loved him deeply. He just gave a sigh and a sad sort of smile. He didn't follow me up but later he did, and I was surprised when we made love. He still seemed distant and a bit cold, and I started to think that he was going to leave me and that he had found someone else. I cried myself to sleep. MANS DIARY: Saturday 20th October 2007 England lost to South Africa. Gutted. Got a shag though | |
Joke by juankerr, in Sex and shit > Sex - Tagged scotland , diary , sex , women - Current Score: 47 - Added: 11 months ago
| Why are there so many beautiful women in Scandinavia? Because the vikings left all the ugly fuckers in Scotland. | |
Joke by winzar, in Sex and shit > Young girls - Tagged vikings , scotland , ugly , women - Current Score: 47 - Added: 1 year ago
| I see Andy Murray gets really annoyed when foreigners call him "English". He can't blame them though - they've probably never seen a Scotsman who isn't pissed before! | |
Joke by Spuggy, in Celebrity and news events > Andy Murray - Tagged michael owen , scotland , scottish , drunk , english - Current Score: 43 - Added: 3 months ago
| Apparently the head found on the beach in Arbroath had been battered. They'll fry anything in fucking Scotland. | |
Joke by Guest, in Celebrity and news events > Arbroath - Tagged scotland , beach , head , severed - Current Score: 43 - Added: 6 months ago
| Some Scottish people shouted some abuse at me this morning so I did what John Prescott did: I went home and ate loads of pies. | |
Joke by ReigatePen, in Celebrity and news events > John Prescott - Tagged john prescott , snp , scotland , scottish , two fingered salute , bulimia - Current Score: 39 - Added: 13 hours ago
| Plans have begun for Margaret Thatcher's state funeral. It'll be the first time ever the 24 gun salute is fired into the coffin. This funeral is gonna cost 3 million? For 3 million you could buy everyone in Scotland a shovel. We'll dig a hole so deep they will be able to hand the bitch over to Satan in person. | |
Joke by blue--ink, in Jokes with no home > Mock The Week - Tagged thatcher , coffin , dara obriain , funeral , satan , scotland , frankie boyle - Current Score: 33 - Added: 2 months, 21 days ago
| A Scotsman had been visiting England on business, and when he returned home he sat down with his mates, and began to tell his story. " Well, I was in London, and I fancied a break, so I walked into a pub- anyway, turns out it was a fucking gay bar. So as I was sitting there, this puffter came up to make, ask me to do something ... urgh, I can't even bring myself to say it. I told him, I've never done that in my life. But, after a while, I gave in. I'm still in shock about it, I just can't believe I did it!" His mates looked at him, " Och, that does sound bad- what exactly did you do? " "Well," replied the Scot, " I bought him a drink." | |
Joke by erniehill, in Religion and racism > Scottish - Tagged scotish , scotland , mean , money , gay , england - Current Score: 20 - Added: 1 month, 22 days ago
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