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| A teacher starts a new job at a primary school on Merseyside and, trying to make a good impression on her first day, explains to her class that she's a big football fan and supports Liverpool. She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Liverpool fans. Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl. The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says: "Mary, why didn't you raise your hand?" "Because I'm not a Liverpool fan miss," she replies. The teacher, still shocked asks:"Well, if your not a Liverpool Fan, then who are you a fan of?" "I'm a West Ham fan, and proud of it," Mary replies. The teacher can't believe her ears. "Mary, how come you're a Hammers fan?" "Because my mum and dad are from London's East End and are West Ham fans, so I'm a West Ham fan too!" "Still," says the teacher, annoyed, "that's no reason for you to be a West Ham fan as well. You don't have to be like your parents all the time, do you? What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict and car thief. Would you be like them then?" "No," smiles Mary, "I'd be a Liverpool fan." |    |
Joke by Ryan, in Religion and racism > Scousers - Tagged scousers , football - Current Score: 453 - Added: 1 year, 10 months ago
| Just a quick message to all you scousers out there on the site; Return the computer and turn yourself in. | |
Joke by albertgordon, in Religion and racism > Scousers - Tagged scousers , thieving bastards - Current Score: 347 - Added: 4 months, 10 days ago
| If you kill yourself, it's called suicide. If you kill someone else, it's called homicide. If you kill lots of people, it's called genocide. So if you only kill Scousers, is that called Merseycide? | |
Joke by Get Wild, in Religion and racism > Scousers - Tagged suicide , scousers , genocide , homicide , merseyside , no its called the hillsborough disaster - Current Score: 324 - Added: 2 months, 15 days ago
| Ferrari's Formula 1 team manager decided to employ some Liverpudlian teenagers as their pit crew. This was because of their renowned skill at removing car wheels quickly. At the first practice session, not only did they change all 4 wheels in 6 seconds, but within 12 seconds they had re-sprayed, re-badged & sold the fucker to the McLaren team for 8 cases of Stella, a bag of weed & some pictures of David Coulthard's bird getting shagged up the arse. | |
Joke by chelsea_steve, in Religion and racism > Liverpudlians - Tagged car , ferrari , sport , liverpool , scousers , formula 1 , car thieves , f1 , f1 mclaren - Current Score: 280 - Added: 2 years, 0 months ago
| Rafa Benitez flies to Baghdad to watch a young Iraqi play football and is impressed and arranges for him to come over to England. Two weeks later Liverpool are 2-0 down to Chelsea with only 20 minutes left. The manager gives the young Iraqi striker the nod and on he goes. The lad is a sensation - he scores a hat-trick in 20 minutes and wins the game for the reds! The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted and the media love the new star. When the player comes off the pitch he phones his mum to tell her about his first day in English football. "Hello mum, guess what?" he says. "I played for 20 minutes today, we were 2-0 down but I scored 3 and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans, the media, they all love me. It's wonderful!" "Wonderful?! " says his mum, "Let me tell you about my day. "Your father got shot and robbed in the street, your sister and I were ambushed, gang raped and beaten and your brother was beheaded by masked men, all while you were having such a wonderful time." The young lad is very upset, "What can I say mum, but I'm so sorry." "Sorry?!! Sorry?!!" says his mum, "It's your bloody fault we moved to Liverpool in the first place!" | |
Joke by ht, in Jokes with no home > Football - Tagged liverpool , scousers , football , iraq , rafa , liverpool fc - Current Score: 233 - Added: 2 years, 0 months ago
| Scousers must lead incredibly healthy lifestyles. Everywhere you go in Liverpool, people are wearing tracksuits. | |
Joke by ferret, in Jokes with no home > Scousers - Tagged liverpool , scousers , tracksuit - Current Score: 232 - Added: 4 months, 12 days ago
| Why do Scousers dress their kids in their favourite football strip? Because then, if the kid gets shot, the parents can get to meet the team. | |
Joke by sparkyjcs, in Jokes with no home > Football - Tagged kids , scousers , football - Current Score: 211 - Added: 5 months, 27 days ago
| What's the difference between a cow and a tragedy? A scouser wouldn't know how to milk a cow. | |
Joke by TGS, in Religion and racism > Scousers - Tagged ken bigley , liverpool , scousers , cow , tragedy , hillsborough , jamie bulger , toxteth riots - Current Score: 208 - Added: 1 year, 9 months ago
| After having their 11th child, a Liverpool couple decided that was enough, as the social wouldn't buy them a bigger bed and they weren't strong enough to nick one. The husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn't want to have any more children. The doctor told him there was a procedure called a vasectomy that would fix the problem but it was expensive. A less costly alternative was to go home, get a firework, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10. The Scouser said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest guy in the world, but I don't see how putting a firework in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me." "Trust me, it will do the job", said the doctor. So the man went home, lit a banger and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count: "1, 2, 3, 4, 5," at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs so he could continue counting on his other hand. | |
Joke by New Saint, in Sex and shit > Mistake - Tagged blonde , scousers , scottish , vasectomy - Current Score: 193 - Added: 1 year, 10 months ago
| I was round Liverpool the other day when some scousers started squaring up to us. "Pretend we're the police," my mate whispered to me. They kicked the shit out of me before I even got to the chorus! | |
Joke by albinobob123, in Jokes with no home > Police - Tagged fight , scouse , liverpool , scousers , police , sting - Current Score: 188 - Added: 10 months ago
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