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| Ferrari's Formula 1 team manager decided to employ some Liverpudlian teenagers as their pit crew. This was because of their renowned skill at removing car wheels quickly. At the first practice session, not only did they change all 4 wheels in 6 seconds, but within 12 seconds they had re-sprayed, re-badged & sold the fucker to the McLaren team for 8 cases of Stella, a bag of weed & some pictures of David Coulthard's bird getting shagged up the arse. |    |
Joke by chelsea_steve, in Religion and racism > Scousers - Tagged car , ferrari , sport , liverpool , scousers , formula 1 , mclaren , car thieves - Current Score: 118
| A teacher starts a new job at a primary school on Merseyside and, trying to make a good impression on her first day, explains to her class that she's a big football fan and supports Liverpool. She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Liverpool fans. Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl. The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says: "Mary, why didn't you raise your hand?" "Because I'm not a Liverpool fan miss," she replies. The teacher, still shocked asks:"Well, if your not a Liverpool Fan, then who are you a fan of?" "I'm a West Ham fan, and proud of it," Mary replies. The teacher can't believe her ears. "Mary, how come you're a Hammers fan?" "Because my mum and dad are from London's East End and are West Ham fans, so I'm a West Ham fan too!" "Still," says the teacher, annoyed, "that's no reason for you to be a West Ham fan as well. You don't have to be like your parents all the time, do you? What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict and car thief. Would you be like them then?" "No," smiles Mary, "I'd be a Liverpool fan." | |
| Gillian Gibbons has said that her original 15 day prison sentence seemed harsh at the time, but to be released and deported to Liverpool was "totally fucking undeserved!". | |
Joke by chelsea_steve, in Celebrity and news events > Gillian Gibbons - Tagged muslim , bear , scouse , liverpool , scousers , teddy , mohammed , gillian gibbons , sudan - Current Score: 95
| What's the difference between a cow and a tragedy? A scouser wouldn't know how to milk a cow. | |
Joke by TGS, in Religion and racism > Scousers - Tagged liverpool , scousers , cow , tragedy - Current Score: 95
| As a United fan who's booked his Moscow trip I've had this cloud of worry about travelling to Russia what with all these stories of pickpockets, muggings at knife point, and general threats to my person ... thankfully, the Scousers are out now so I don't have to worry about that anymore!!! | |
Joke by TommyBread, in Jokes with no home > Liverpool - Tagged scousers , moscow - Current Score: 94
| Why did audiences scream so loud at Beatles concerts? The shock of seeing four scousers working. | |
Joke by ReigatePen, in Religion and racism > Scousers - Tagged beatles , scousers - Current Score: 85
| After having their 11th child, a Liverpool couple decided that was enough, as the social wouldn't buy them a bigger bed and they weren't strong enough to nick one. The husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn't want to have any more children. The doctor told him there was a procedure called a vasectomy that would fix the problem but it was expensive. A less costly alternative was to go home, get a firework, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10. The Scouser said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest guy in the world, but I don't see how putting a firework in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me." "Trust me, it will do the job", said the doctor. So the man went home, lit a banger and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count: "1, 2, 3, 4, 5," at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs so he could continue counting on his other hand. This procedure also works in Middlesbrough, parts of Bradford, anywhere in Scotland and most blondes | |
Joke by New Saint, in Sex and shit > Mistake - Tagged scousers , scottish , blond , vasectomy - Current Score: 80
| Ten Liverpudlians arrive in heaven at the Pearly Gates to be met by St Peter. "What are you doing here?" he asks, "We`ve got no record of you. Just wait here while I check with The Boss" So off he goes to check with God who tells him to go back and ask them how they died. A few minutes later he reports back to God, "They`ve gone" "Gone?.. what all the Scousers?", queries God. "No, the Gates" replies St Peter. | |
Joke by pierstaylor, in Religion and racism > Scousers - Tagged heaven , theft , scousers , st peter - Current Score: 41
| There are so many boarded-up houses in Liverpool, that the window cleaner goes round with a fucking sander. [by Mike Reid] | |
Joke by MANOFTRENT, in Religion and racism > Liverpool - Tagged scousers , our terry , thieves , scallys , dole scroungers , rock and roll city. our barry , our gary - Current Score: 37
| What's the difference between a Scouser and a coconut? One's thick and hairy, and the other's a coconut. | |
Joke by M.S, in Religion and racism > Scousers - Tagged racism , liverpool , scousers , football - Current Score: 37
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