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| Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of economy in Britain, my work has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early). Persons selected to be RAPEd can apply to management to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been RAPEd and SHAFTed will be reviewed under the SCREW scheme (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPEd once, SHAFTed twice and SCREWed as many times as Management deems appropriate. Persons who have been RAPEd can only get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants or Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTed or SCREWed any further by management. Persons staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this anomaly to the attention of your Supervisor. They have been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle. |    |
Joke by Gash TL, in Jokes with no home > Work - Tagged new rules , shit , rape , screw , shaft , herpes , aids - Current Score: 132 - Added: 1 week ago
| How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two. But how did they get in there? | |
Joke by lee999, in Religion and racism > Africans - Tagged mice , screw , light bulb , sex , mouse - Current Score: 74 - Added: 6 months, 27 days ago
| It's the spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue. Bobby's a pretty hip guy with his own car and a ducktail hairdo. At the front door Peggy Sue's father answers and invites him in. 'Peggy Sue's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?' he says. 'That's cool.' says Bobby. Peggy Sue''s father asks Bobby what they are planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the malt shop or to a drive-in movie. Peggy Sue's father responds, 'Why don't you kids go out and screw? I hear all of the kids are doing it.' Naturally this comes as quite a surprise to Bobby and he says, 'Whaaaat?' 'Yeah,' says Peggy Sue's father, 'Peggy Sue really likes to screw; she'll screw all night if we let her!' Bobby's eyes light up and he smiles from ear to ear as he mentally revises the night's plans. A few minutes later, Peggy Sue comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt with her saddle shoes and announces that she's ready to go. Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door while Dad is saying, 'Have a good evening, kids!' About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly disheveled Peggy Sue rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her and screams at her father: 'Dammit, Daddy! The twist! It's called the twist!!' | |
Joke by templett, in Jokes with no home > Dating - Tagged 1950s , twist , screw , sex , innuendo - Current Score: 48 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| A woman buys a wall mirror from B&Q. The attendant says "Would you like a screw for that?" She replies "No, but I'd suck your cock for a Lawnmower!" | |
Joke by make_a_brew, in Jokes with no home > Not Sure - Tagged oral sex , woman , screw , fuck , b&q - Current Score: 42 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| How many chavs does it take to screw in a light bulb? They don't screw in light bulbs, they screw in pools of their own vomit. | |
Joke by pikeyseedya, in Religion and racism > chavs - Tagged chav , chavs , light bulb , vomit , screw - Current Score: 37 - Added: 1 year, 6 months ago
| Marriage is like an MFI cabinet. One screw out of place and the whole fucking thing falls apart. | |
Joke by Guest, in Jokes with no home > Marriage - Tagged mfi , marriage , screw - Current Score: 31 - Added: 7 months, 24 days ago
| A young man was in town looking for a little something from the ladies. A cab driver gave him an address and told him he could find anything he wanted there. When the young man arrived, he saw a door with a small panel on it. He knocked and the panel slid open. A female voice asked what he wanted. "I want to get screwed," said the man. "OK, but this is a private club. Slide twenty bucks in the slot as an initiation fee," answered the voice. The man slid twenty dollars in the slot, the panel closed, and ten minutes passed. Nothing happened. He began to pound on the door, and the panel slid open. "Hey," exclaimed the man, "I want to get screwed!" "What?" said the voice, "Again?" | |
Joke by hellionfuck, in Sex and shit > Prostitution - Tagged man , dollar , screw , private , town - Current Score: 29 - Added: 8 months, 8 days ago
| How many chavs does it take to screw in a light bulb? One; they'll screw anything. | |
Joke by orangesweets, in Religion and racism > Chavs - Tagged chav , chavs , screw , light bulb , sex - Current Score: 21 - Added: 1 year, 11 months ago
| What's a wife? An attachment you screw on the bed to get the housework done. | |
Joke by welsh twat, in Sex and shit > 69 - Tagged screw , bed , housework - Current Score: 19 - Added: 2 months, 27 days ago
| A man wakes up very groggy from an office party the night before. He staggers downstairs to find his wife with a cup of tea and a stern look on her face. "OH god what did i do" he asked "You humiliated the entire board of directors and said some very insulting things to your bosses face" she replied "Ah well piss on him" he said "You did" came the reply "and he sacked you" "Ah well fuck him" "I did!, you start work again on monday" | |
Joke by dragon35666, in Jokes with no home > Office - Tagged office , party , piss , screw , fuck , boss - Current Score: 19 - Added: 3 weeks ago
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