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| Statistics say women think they are smarter than men because they can fake orgasms. Men say, "Big fucking deal, try faking a relationship just for a shag!" |    |
Joke by BarneyBoy, in Sex and shit > Young girls - Tagged relationship , fake orgasm , shag - Current Score: 573 - Added: 1 month, 21 days ago
| Why waste money on flowers trying to increase your odds of getting a shag, when you can just buy a gun and guarantee it? | |
Joke by albinobob123, in Sex and shit > Rape - Tagged rape , shag , sex , flowers , gun - Current Score: 218 - Added: 1 month, 24 days ago
| My wife got me to tie her to the bed last night. When I did, she said that I could do anything I wanted. So I had a shave and fucked off down the pub. | |
Joke by ghost, in Sex and shit > Sex - Tagged pub , wife , shag , fuck , tie , bed , pint , lovely stuff - Current Score: 167 - Added: 3 months, 8 days ago
| Shag: funny word isn't it? To a smoker, it's a type of tobacco; to an American, it's a type of dance; to an ornithologist, it's a bird; and, to you, it's just a remote possibility. | |
Joke by abcd, in Sex and shit > Shag - Tagged sex , shag , jasper carrott - Current Score: 124 - Added: 1 month, 24 days ago
| A woman meets a guy in a bar. They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she noticed that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears. There are three shelves in the bedroom, with hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears, carefully placed in rows covering the entire wall. It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them and she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put in to organizing the display. There were small bears all along the bottom shelf, medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf, and huge enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf. She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such a large collection of Teddy bears, but doesn't mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by his sensitive side. They share a bottle of wine and continue talking and, after a while, she finds herself thinking, 'Oh my God! Maybe this guy could be the one! Could he be the future father of my children?' She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lips. He responds warmly. They continue to kiss; the passion builds; and he romantically lifts her in his arms and carries her into his bedroom where they rip off each other's clothes and make hot, steamy love. She is so overwhelmed that she responds with more passion, more creativity, more heat than she has ever known. After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy,they lie there together in the afterglow. The woman rolls over, gently strokes his chest and asks coyly, "Well, how was it?" The guy gently smiles at her, strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her eyes, and says: "Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf." | |
Joke by D dude, in Sex and shit > Sex - Tagged teddy , bear , shag , fuck - Current Score: 103 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| I went home from work early today and found the plumber shagging my dog. I phoned the police and they said there was nothing they could do. They said the bastard was Corgi Registered. | |
Joke by bobbydgg, in Sex and shit > plumber - Tagged plumber , shag , dog , bastard , sick - Current Score: 93 - Added: 7 months, 13 days ago
| My wife caught me cheating on her again last weekend. She said, "every time you shag another women, a part of me dies." A few more shags should finish the job! | |
Joke by Spuggy, in Sex and shit > Adultery - Tagged cheating , wife , shag - Current Score: 90 - Added: 2 months, 7 days ago
| Little Johnny and Susie are only ten-years- old, but they just know that they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Johnny goes to Susie's father to ask him for her hand. Johnny bravely walks up to him and says, "Mr. Smith, me and Susie are in love and I'm asking for her hand in marriage." Thinking that this was the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, "Well Johnny, you are only ten. Where will you two live?" Without even taking a moment to think about it, Johnny replies, "in Susie's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely." Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, "okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job, You'll need to support Susie." Again, Johnny instantly replies, "our allowance: Susie makes five pounds a week and I make ten pounds a week. That's about sixty pounds a month, and that should do us just fine." By this time Mr. Smith is a little shocked that Johnny has put so much thought into this. So, he thinks for a moment, trying to come up with something that Johnny won't have an answer to. After a second, Mr. Smith says, "well Johnny, it seems like you have got everything all figured out. I just have one more question for you. What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own?" Johnny just shrugs his shoulders and says, "that won't happen, she only lets me shag her up the arse." | |
Joke by Jaws, in Sex and shit > Little Johnny - Tagged shag , arse , daughter - Current Score: 79 - Added: 9 months ago
| I've been married 35 years and have never played away from home. It's much more exciting when there's a chance the missus might walk in. | |
Joke by itchyanus, in Sex and shit > Shag - Tagged married , shag , bitches , play away - Current Score: 78 - Added: 1 month, 8 days ago
| A guy who's personal hygiene left a lot to be desired (he fucking stank) was standing next to me in the pub. I asked him, "don't you have a shower after you've had sex?" He said, "of course I do." I said, "don't you think it's about time you went home and had a shag?" | |
Joke by geebee, in Jokes with no home > Pub - Tagged shower , shag , stink - Current Score: 52 - Added: 4 weeks ago
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