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| Man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm. His wife is lying in bed reading. Man says, "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache." Wife replies, "I think you'll find that is a sheep." Man replies, "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep." |    |
Joke by sickfuck, in Sex and shit > Wife - Tagged man , sheep , sex , pig - Current Score: 1164 - Added: 1 year, 6 months ago
| A professor is sent to darkest Africa to live with a primitive tribe. He spends years with them, teaching them reading, writing, maths and science. One day the wife of the tribe's chief gives birth to a white child. The tribe is shocked, and the chief pulls the professor aside and says, "Look here! You're the only white man we've ever seen and this woman gives birth to a white child. It doesn't take a genius to figure out what happened!" The professor replied, "No, Chief. You're mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence, what we in the civilized world call an albino! Look at that field over there. All of the sheep are white except for one black one. Nature does this on occasion." The chief was silent for a moment, then said, "Tell you what. You don't say anything more about that sheep and I won't say anything more about that white child." | |
Joke by sick puppy, in Sex and shit > Bestiality - Tagged tribe , professor , sheep , albino - Current Score: 354 - Added: 1 year, 6 months ago
| An Australian ventriloquist visiting New Zealand walks into a small town and sees a local sitting on his porch patting his dog. He figures he'll have a little fun. Ventriloquist: "G'day bloke! Good looking dog, mate. Mind if I speak to him?" Kiwi: "The dog doesn't talk, you stupid Aussie." Ventriloquist: "Hey dog, how's it going old mate?" Dog: "Doin' alright." The Kiwi gets a look of extreme shock on his face. Ventriloquist: "Is this Kiwi your owner?", pointing at the Kiwi. Dog: "Yep." Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?" Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play." The Kiwis expression of disbelief doesn't change. Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your horse?" Kiwi: "Uh, the horse doesn't talk either...I think." Ventriloquist: "Hey horse, how's it going?" Horse: "Cool." The Kiwi gets even more shocked. Ventriloquist: "Is this your owner?" Horse: "Yep." Ventriloquist: "How's he treat you?" Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements." Now the Kiwi has a look of total amazement on his face. Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?" To which the Kiwi replied, "The sheep's a liar." | |
Joke by immortalshadow666, in Religion and racism > Kiwis - Tagged kiwi , aussie , horse , sheep , dog , ventriloquist - Current Score: 191 - Added: 1 year, 6 months ago
| What do you get if you cross a sheep with a kangaroo? Shut down by the RSPCA. | |
Joke by EnglishWhiteBoy, in Religion and racism > Africans - Tagged rspca , kangaroo , sheep , animal cruelty , englishwhiteboy - Current Score: 161 - Added: 6 months, 19 days ago
| How does a Welshman find sheep in long grass? Very satisfying. | |
Joke by I just lost, in Religion and racism > Welsh - Tagged sheep , welsh , wales - Current Score: 132 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| A Muslim was seated next to an Australian on a flight from Hong Kong to Sydney, Australia. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Aussie asked for a rum and coke, which was brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the Muslim if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores and my head stuffed up a sheeps arsehole than let liquor touch my lips." The Aussie handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "I didn't know we had a choice." | |
Joke by Monkeyman, in Religion and racism > Australians - Tagged aussie , muslim , plane , drink , alcohol , sheep , rape , whore - Current Score: 128 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| Teacher to class, today children we will be doing what noises animals make. "Lucy, what do cows say?" Lucy: "Moo, miss." "Very good, Lucy. Ben, what do sheep say?" Ben: "Baaaaaa, miss." "Very good, Ben. Leroy what do pigs say?" Leroy: "What's in the bag, nigga?" | |
Joke by dixie normous, in Religion and racism > Africans - Tagged cows , sheep , pigs , animals - Current Score: 127 - Added: 7 months, 18 days ago
| Angus, a Scottish farmer, was walking through his field and saw a man drinking from the stream. He shouts over, in Gaelic, "Hey, don't drink the water, friend, the sheep have got the runs!" The man turns round and says, "What did you say? I'm English, I don't speak your stupid language!" "Ach well!" shouts back the farmer. "I said 'Use both hands, you'll be able to drink more of my wonderfully fresh stream!.....Gle mhath, a shassanach." | |
Joke by FengShuiNinja, in Religion and racism > Irish - Tagged english , scottish , sheep , water , language , racism , fsn - Current Score: 125 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| This bloke is wanting to breed sheep but the only male one he has is gay, as sheep are so rare in his area he decides to try and impregnate them himself by taking them to the woods and shagging them all one by one. A local farmer explains to him that he will know his sheep are pregnant once they stop walking around and lay down. The next day the bloke bundles the sheep back into the landrover and again takes them to the forest and shags them all again, this timehe's knackered and as soon as he gets home he falls straight into bed. When he wakes up the next day he dives straight for the window to see if the sheep are lying down....to his dismay they arent so again he puts the sheep in the car and heads off to the forest. This time he shags them all twice for good luck. When he gets home he is once again knackered so goes straight to bed, in the morning he asks his wife to look out the window and see what the sheep are doing, "That's amazing!" she says. "What are they all laying down?" he asks. "No they're all in the landrover and one of them is papping the horn!" | |
Joke by pinklips, in Sex and shit > Sheep - Tagged sheep , breeding , bestiality , farm - Current Score: 100 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| The Welsh have just discovered a new use for sheep. Meat & Wool. | |
Joke by captain slow, in Religion and racism > Welsh - Tagged welsh , sheep - Current Score: 85 - Added: 1 year ago
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