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| I was horrified to read about the mother who drowned her disabled daughter in a sink. That is NOT how you make vegetable soup. |    |
Joke by justincider, in Jokes with no home > Murder - Tagged horrified , drowned , sink , vegetable , soup - Current Score: 280 - Added: 2 months, 9 days ago
| A bloke, having split from his latest girlfriend, decided to take a holiday. He booked himself on a cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank. He found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts. After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore. In disbelief, he asks, 'Where did you come from? How did you get here?' She replies, 'I rowed from the other side of the island. I landed here when my cruise ship sank.' 'Amazing,' he notes. 'You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you.' 'Oh, this thing?' explains the woman, 'I made the boat out of raw material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm branches, and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree.' 'But, where did you get the tools?' 'Oh, that was no problem,' replied the woman. 'On the South side of the island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed. I found if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into ductile iron. I used that for tools and used the tools to make the hardware.' The guy is stunned. 'Let's row over to my place', she says. After a few minutes of rowing, she docks the boat at a small wharf. As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat. Before him is stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white. While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumbstruck. As they walk into the house, she says casually, 'It's not much but I call it home. Sit down, please. Would you like a drink?' 'No! No thank you,' he blurts out, still dazed. 'I can't take another drop of coconut juice.' 'It's not coconut juice,' winks the woman. 'I have a still. How would you like a Pina Colada?' Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk. After they have exchanged their stories, the woman announces, 'I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor upstairs in the bathroom cabinet.' No longer questioning anything, the man goes into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet, a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism. 'This woman is amazing,' he muses. 'What next?' When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but vines, strategically positioned, and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckons for him to sit down next to her. 'Tell me,' she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, 'We've been out here for many months. You've been lonely. There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now, something you've been longing for?' She stares into his eyes ..... He swallows excitedly and tears start to form in his eyes..... 'Fucking hell, don't tell me you've got Sky Sports?' | |
Joke by william shatner, in Sex and shit > Sexist - Tagged island , sink , shipwreck , sky , sports - Current Score: 180 - Added: 3 months ago
| A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each week, so the magician did the same tricks over and over again. One problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick.. Once he understood, the parrot started shouting in the middle of the show "Look, it's not the same hat!" "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table." "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?" The magician was furious, but couldn't do anything. It was, after all, the captain's parrot. Then the ship sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the sea with, as fate would have it, the parrot. They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day, and then another and then another. Finally on the fourth day, the parrot could not hold back: "OK, I give up. Where's the fucking ship?" | |
Joke by TeddyBear12, in Jokes with no home > Magic - Tagged magician , sink , boat , parrot - Current Score: 164 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| How do you sink a French battleship? Put it in water! | |
Joke by 23rc, in Religion and racism > French - Tagged french , ship , sink - Current Score: 84 - Added: 8 months, 4 days ago
| After a night on the town, a young woman brought a new friend home for a late-night drink. "You can't make any noise," she warned him. "My parents are upstairs and if they find out they'll kill us." Things started getting heated on the sofa, but after a while alcohol got the better of the man. "I have to...go" he said. "Well you can't go upstairs. The bathroom is right next to my parents' bedroom," she replied. "Use the kitchen sink." So he dutifully retired to the kitchen. A few minutes later, he popped his head around the door and asked, "Do you have any toilet paper, or should I just use a kitchen towel?" | |
Joke by mickle, in Sex and shit > Fuck - Tagged sex , drunk , shit , parents , sink - Current Score: 63 - Added: 6 months, 20 days ago
| My wife is a dirty, lazy cow, I reckon any housework would kill her. For instance, it seems every time I go to have a piss in the sink, its full of dirty dishes | |
Joke by staffer, in Sex and shit > Wife - Tagged dishes , dirty , sink , piss , wife lazy - Current Score: 30 - Added: 5 months, 13 days ago
| These "feminists" like to make all these stupid claims- like that a wife is "chained to the sink." Thats bollocks. I am a lorry driver, and I can say for sure that my wife isnt chained to the sink at all. She's been buried under the patio in some rolled up carpet for the last 11 years. | |
Joke by bizlop, in Sex and shit > Feminists - Tagged fred west , serial killer , yorkshire ripper , wife , murder , crime , sink , domestic - Current Score: 21 - Added: 7 months, 6 days ago
| Why do most homes have a window above the kitchen sink? It gives women a point of view. | |
Joke by bawbag, in Sex and shit > Sexist - Tagged window , sink , kitchen , view - Current Score: 9 - Added: 3 weeks ago
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