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| It's my mate's birthday today. He doesn't drink, smoke, gamble or cheat on his missus. We've got no idea how to celebrate it. |    |
Joke by munkybars, in Jokes with no home > Mates - Tagged celebrate , gamble , drink , smoke , birthday - Current Score: 157 - Added: 3 months, 5 days ago
| A man goes in to his doctors surgery and asks, "Doctor, do you think I will live until I'm 100?" The doctor asks, "Do you drink, smoke or do drugs?" The man replies, "No". The doctor then asks, "Do you like to sleep around with women, and go out partying?" The man replies, "No, I don't." The doctor then asks, "Well, why the fuck do you want to live until you're 100 then?" | |
Joke by The Wolf, in Illness and mortality > Doctor - Tagged blowjob , doctor , life , live , smoke , drugs , beer , shit life - Current Score: 137 - Added: 5 months, 5 days ago
| A man comes home drunk in the early hours of the morning, his wife was angry and waiting at the door. She says, "Out drinking again!? How much did you spend this time?" He says, "£200." She shouts, "Two hundred fucking quid?. That's ridiculous, spending so much money in one night!" He says, "That's easy for you to say: you don't smoke, you don't drink, and you have your own pussy." | |
Joke by Badvirus, in Sex and shit > Fuck - Tagged drunk , smoke , drink , pussy , husband , wife - Current Score: 33 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| How do you know if you're an Aussie? You let your 15 year old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids. | |
Joke by immortalshadow666, in Religion and racism > Australians - Tagged aussie , smoke , daughter , kids - Current Score: 14 - Added: 1 year, 6 months ago
| My wife's just smoked my last fag... ...and hers | |
Joke by Guest, in Sex and shit > Wife - Tagged wife , smoke - Current Score: 11 - Added: 8 months, 7 days ago
| An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman all get done for armed robbery, rape and murder. The Judge sentences them to fifty years in prison. However, the Judge allows the condemmened three to each pick one 'luxury' item that they can have in endless quantities. The Englishman thinks for a while. "I choose women." So off he goes to his cell with a few beautiful young girls. The Scotsman says, "Whisky!" So off he goes with gallons of the stuff. The Irishman grins and says, "I want cigarettes." And he gets his wish. Fifty years later the cells are opened up and the men released. First, the englishman, who appears knackered, with a trail of wives and kids behind him. Next the door to the Scotsman cell is opened. It reeks of stale piss and whisky and the Jock is singing wildly, trashed off his face. The third cell is opened and the Irishman sticks his head out and says, "Has anybody got a light?" | |
Joke by Bitch tits, in Religion and racism > Irish - Tagged irish , smoke , dumb , prison - Current Score: 9 - Added: 5 months, 27 days ago
| This is a visual joke. . . Get a shoe or boot and blow cigarette smoke into it. What is it?? An Israeli waiting for a bus! | |
Joke by lovelace, in Jokes with no home > Visual Jokes - Tagged israeli , smoke - Current Score: 9 - Added: 8 months, 12 days ago
| Two male firefighters are having sex in a smoke filled room. Their chief bursts in through the door and says, "holy fuck, what are you two guys up to?" One of the firefighters looks up and says, "John's suffering from smoke inhalation, sir!" The chief says, "well, why aren't you administering mouth-to-mouth resuscitation?" "I did sir," replies the firefighter. "How the fuck do you think this got started?" | |
Joke by pottyonetoo, in Sex and shit > Fireman - Tagged firefighters , gay , smoke , cpr - Current Score: 9 - Added: 2 months, 29 days ago
| A guy travelling through the prairies of the USA stopped at a small town and went to a bar. He stood at the end of the bar and lit up a cigar. As he sipped his drink, he stood there quietly blowing smoke rings. After he blew nine or ten smoke rings into the air, an angry American Indian approached him and said, "now listen buddy, if you don't stop calling me that I'll kick your head in!" | |
Joke by meathmick82, in Jokes with no home > Bar Jokes - Tagged usa , indian , smoke - Current Score: 6 - Added: 6 months, 6 days ago
| Four worms were placed into four separate jars. The first worm was put into a jar of alcohol. The second worm was put into a jar of cigarette smoke. The third worm was put into a jar of sperm. The fourth worm was put into a jar of soil. After one day, these were the results. . The first worm in alcohol - dead. The second worm in cigarette smoke - dead. The third worm in sperm - dead. The fourth worm in soil - alive. Lesson. . As long as you drink, smoke and have sex, you won't get worms. | |
Joke by lovelace, in Illness and mortality > Worms - Tagged drink , smoke , sex , dead , jar , sperm - Current Score: 3 - Added: 4 weeks ago
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