I was asked to run a marathon and I said, "no chance." Then I was told it was for spastic and blind kids, so I thought, "Fuck it. I could win that!"

Stephen Hawking and Christopher Reeve walk into a bar... Oh Wait.

Well, after years of making sick jokes on the internet and Sickipedia about thalidomide and spastic kids, my wife went for an ultrasound today and the doctor's told us our baby has Down's Syndrome. This must be God's way of providing me with more material.

What's black and runs into walls? Jordan's baby.

I like to steal other people's jokes due to my illness: "Being a Tosser"

Two spastics go up to an ice-cream van and say, "Can we have a couple of 99's please?" The ice-cream man says, "Certainly, would you like chocolate or strawberry sauce?" They say, "It doesn't really matter, mate... we're gonna drop 'em anyway."

I live near a remedial school. There's a sign on the road outside that says, "SLOW CHILDREN". That can't be good for their self-esteem...

What do you call a spastic in a wheelchair? Anything you want, they'll just smile and try to hug you.

How do you kill a bunch of retards on a bus? Put poison on the windows.

Why did the Nazis invent swastikas? To crucify spastics.

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