I was asked to run a marathon and I said, "no chance." Then I was told it was for spastic and blind kids, so I thought, "Fuck it. I could win that!"

Religion is just for people who don't understand science.

Well, after years of making sick jokes on the internet and Sickipedia about thalidomide and spastic kids, my wife went for an ultrasound today and the doctor's told us our baby has Down's Syndrome. This must be God's way of providing me with more material.

Stephen Hawking and Christopher Reeve walk into a bar... Oh Wait.

What's black and runs into walls? Jordan's baby.

Breaking news has just come in that John Leslie is now being accused of raping a disabled black girl whilst working on Blue Peter. He blamed it on dyslexia and thought his script said "Use sticky black spastic".

I live near a remedial school. There's a sign on the road outside that says, "SLOW CHILDREN". That can't be good for their self-esteem...

Two spastics go up to an ice-cream van and say, "Can we have a couple of 99's please?" The ice-cream man says, "Certainly, would you like chocolate or strawberry sauce?" They say, "It doesn't really matter, mate... we're gonna drop 'em anyway."

How do you kill a bunch of retards on a bus? Put poison on the windows.

What do you call a spastic in a wheelchair? Anything you want, they'll just smile and try to hug you.

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