Sorted by: Highest Scoring | Lowest Scoring | Newest | Oldest
Page 1 of 2 - Next Page
| After the trial the coroner concluded that Henri Paul, Princess Diana's driver, had been under the influence of drugs. He'd used speed and then smack. |    |
Joke by pervertedtwat, in Illness and mortality > A Man Was...... - Tagged princess diana , drugs , crash , speed , smack - Current Score: 70 - Added: 9 months, 16 days ago
| A day from the diary of a BMW driver... "The other day I was cruising along as usual coming onto one of my motorways, which was very busy with inferior cars. First off, I couldn't believe that the volume of traffic DIDN'T slow down for me AT ALL as I came off the slip road! I had to squeeze into a barely big enough gap between two cars in order to get onto my motorway! The driver of the car behind me did realise his mistake though and honked an apology to me with a long blast of his horn. Unbelievably, I had to do the same again before I could get to the BMW lane. Anyway, once I was in the BMW lane and posing along at 110 mph enjoying the adulation that the inferior car drivers were giving me, I noticed an inferior car ahead of me which was not only in the BMW lane of my motorway, but was driving at a ridiculous 70 mph! Naturally, I got within a foot or so of his rear bumper and flashed my headlights to remind him he shouldn't be in the BMW lane of my motorway and to get out of my way. Of course, once he realised it was a BMW behind him, he did just that, but I could hardly believe it when he pulled straight back out behind me! He also tried to keep up with me and when he realised I would out-run him, he put on some blue lights in his front grill and urged me to get onto the hard shoulder so that he could congratulate me on my excellent car. Needless to say, I was eager to oblige and when we had stopped, the man gave me a piece of paper confirming what I already knew - that my car goes fast! Apparently he wants everyone to know what a superior car I have, so I had to take my drivers licence to a police station to be sent away to have some points put on! (They're not free points either - they're £20 each and I was only allowed 3.) But the man at the police station said that because I drive a BMW, it won't be much longer before I earn the full 12 points, and then I won't even NEED a driving licence, so they will take it off me! See, now THAT'S the sort of respect you get when you own and drive a BMW! " | |
Joke by Guest, in Jokes with no home > Cars - Tagged bmw , police , motorway , speed - Current Score: 38 - Added: 9 months, 7 days ago
| If You hit a Paki at 40 mph theres a 80% chance he'll die. If You hit a Paki at 30 mph theres a 80% chance he'll live. Now thats an incentive to speed up. | |
Joke by guest1, in Religion and racism > Pakistani - Tagged drive , speed , crap - Current Score: 32 - Added: 7 months, 20 days ago
| I've been on this exercise course for a while now. They make us do this hip flexibility thing where you 'spell' your telephone number out by moving your hips around. I didn't want to look like a retard so I did a '1' and stopped. The leader asked me what the hell I was doing. I said, "Speed dial." | |
Joke by grammer_natzee, in Jokes with no home > Exercise - Tagged speed , dial , exercise , telephone , number , flexibility - Current Score: 21 - Added: 8 months, 13 days ago
| The speed of lightning is generally assumed to be approximately 60,000 miles per second. I wonder what the speed would be if it didn't zigzag? | |
Joke by staffer, in Jokes with no home > Science - Tagged zigzag , speed , lightning - Current Score: 19 - Added: 1 month, 15 days ago
| I saw a sign that said "Speed Bumps". I thought, my how times change! Speed used to kill. | |
Joke by AS, in Illness and mortality > Speed - Tagged speed , drugs - Current Score: 18 - Added: 3 months, 29 days ago
| I think I have become addicted to speed. Not to worry, it means there's only one more sleep until Christmas. | |
Joke by bawbag, in Jokes with no home > Drugs - Tagged speed , drugs , sleep - Current Score: 17 - Added: 3 months, 11 days ago
| Now that Dwain Chambers appeal has failed for running in the 2008 Olympics, he has stated that he wishes to open up an academy to help children who wish to become professional runners with their speed...............and heroin, and coke, and dope, and acid.... | |
Joke by popsickle, in Illness and mortality > A Man Was...... - Tagged dwain , chambers , drug , coke , speed - Current Score: 13 - Added: 4 months, 5 days ago
| Usain Bolt has said in a interview, 'speed has always been my thing.' Don't know about you, but I think its time to check his urine sample. | |
Joke by max the storyteller, in Jokes with no home > Drugs - Tagged speed , drugs , usain bolt - Current Score: 11 - Added: 3 months, 10 days ago
| I was arrested after a speed dating session. Apparently, going up to a table, bending a girl over it, then taking her up the arse is not their idea of speed. | |
Joke by justincider, in Sex and shit > Young girls - Tagged arrested , speed , dating , arse - Current Score: 1 - Added: 3 months, 8 days ago
Page 1 of 2 - Next Page
Custurd spent 0.02ms doing 12 queries and 0.09s processing. She's 0.65% angry.
Sickipedia v2.7 - a cr3ative media® project. © '05-09 Rob Manuel