Sorted by: Highest Scoring | Lowest Scoring | Newest | Oldest
Showing all jokes.
| The following is an actual question given on a University of Liverpool chemistry final exam. The answer by one student was so “profound” that the professor shared it with colleagues via the Internet, which is why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well. Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law that gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following: First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that, if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell. Because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay constant, the volume of Hell must expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities: 1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose. 2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Sandra during my freshman year, that “it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,” and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is endothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is extinct…leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being - which explains why, last night, Sandra kept shouting “Oh God please somebody help me!” THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY “A”. |    |
Joke by bogies, in Religion and racism > Hell - Tagged liverpool , student , answer , sandra , god - Current Score: 172 - Added: 2 months, 8 days ago
| A teacher is talking to her class the day before a very important A level exam. "Now, I want you all to have a good nights sleep to get ready for the test, is that understood?" "But Miss, what if I stay up all night and have rampant sex?" said a cocky student. "Then I would advise you to write your test with your other hand," replied the teacher. | |
Joke by doubletee, in Jokes with no home > Teacher - Tagged a-level , wanking , student , teacher , wanker , put-down - Current Score: 28 - Added: 5 months, 26 days ago
| A young medical student approaches an elderly patient with a syringe in his hand. ''Nothing to worry about,'' says the student, noticing the concerned look on the old man's face, ''just a little prick with a needle.'' ''Yes, I know you are,'' says the old man, ''But what the fuck are you gonna do with it?'' | |
Joke by gartnavel, in Illness and mortality > Hospital - Tagged medicine , hospital , student , elderly , old man , old - Current Score: 27 - Added: 1 month, 10 days ago
| A new student walks up to her tutors office, nervously looks up and down the hall, then enters and closes the door behind her. She then drops to her knees and says "Please let me pass this test, I will do ANYTHING!" The tutor walks over to her and replies "Anything?" She flicks her hair behind her ears, moistens her lips and repeats "I will do ANYTHING". Her tutor bends down until his mouth is inches from her ear and whispers "Would you.... study?" | |
Joke by rgssparky, in Sex and shit > Adultery - Tagged test , blow job , cheat , student , tutor - Current Score: 23 - Added: 7 months, 27 days ago
| Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread wide apart. One of the students said to his friend: "I'm sure he has Petry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that." The other student says: "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks just as we learned in class." Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man. They approached him and one of the students said to him: "We're medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?" The old man said: "I'll tell you, but first you must tell me what you think." One of the students said: "I think it's Petry Syndrome." The old man said: "You thought, but you are wrong." Then the other student said: "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome." The old man said: "You thought, but you are wrong." So they asked him: "Well, what do you have?" The old man said: "I thought it was wind, but I was wrong." | |
Joke by welsh twat, in Illness and mortality > Diarrhea - Tagged shit meself , wind , student - Current Score: 15 - Added: 2 months, 14 days ago
| There is a new online advert, for the Church of Latter Day Saints, that simply says on the banner "Click to chat with a Mormon." Anyway, I thought, "why not? I'll give it a try," and I ended up talking to this very cultured, friendly and thoughtful 19 year old student named Erica. Best wank I've had for years. | |
Joke by petejtool, in Religion and racism > Mormons - Tagged wank , student , chat , online , mormon , mormons , wanking , maturbation , sexy , female - Current Score: 10 - Added: 3 months, 26 days ago
| Little Johnny goes into class after the school holdays. The teacher asks all of the class to give a short talk to the class on what they got up to over the summer break. Its comes to Johnny's turn and he stands up and says "My dog died" The teacher asks "thats horrible, how did that happen?" Johnny replies "he got his in the ass by a car" The shocked teacher says "Johnny, we don't say that word, we say rectum" Johnny replied "wrecked him? it fucking killed him!" | |
Joke by captain slow, in Religion and racism > Africans - Tagged teacher , student - Current Score: 9 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
Showing all jokes.
Custurd spent 0.02ms doing 9 queries and 0.01s processing. She's 0.47% angry.
Sickipedia v2.7 - a cr3ative media® project. © '05-09 Rob Manuel