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| A guy goes to the pub, and says to his friend, "You won't believe what happened! I was taking a shortcut along the railway track, and I found a girl tied to the rails. I untied her, and we had sex over and over again, all the positions, everything!" His friend replies, "That's great! Did you get a blowjob?" "No, I never found the head." |    |
Joke by caliban, in Sex and shit > Necrophilia - Tagged sex , dead , railway , pub , friend , positions , position , blow job , suck , head - Current Score: 1717 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| A recent survey found that 3% of blokes could suck their own cocks. What a load of rubbish. I mean, if you could suck your own cock, when would you find the time to take part in surveys? | |
Joke by Retard, in Sex and shit > Blow Job - Tagged survey , suck , cock - Current Score: 159 - Added: 2 months, 29 days ago
| What are the small bumps around a woman's nipples for? It's Braille for "suck here". | |
Joke by bobbydgg, in Sex and shit > nipple - Tagged nipple , suck , big tits - Current Score: 137 - Added: 10 months ago
| Paddy and Murphy need a drink! They pool their money, but only have 50 pence..Paddy takes all the cash into the butchers and buys a sausage.. They enter a bar and order 2 Guinness and drink them. When the barman asks for cash Paddy puts the sausage into his fly and Murphy sucks it!! The barman throws them out!! at the 10th pub Murphy said "I can`t do this much anymore, my knees are hurting, Paddy replies " your knees? I lost the sausage in the second pub!" | |
Joke by bobbydgg, in Sex and shit > sausage - Tagged sausage , suck , skint , irish - Current Score: 58 - Added: 10 months ago
| A wise man once said, "you should treat your women the way you treat your vacuum cleaner - when it stops sucking, change the bag." | |
Joke by make_a_brew, in Sex and shit > Oral Sex - Tagged women , bag , suck , oral - Current Score: 45 - Added: 1 year ago
| A man was shopping in the men's department at Harrods when he noticed an absolutely beautiful woman behind the sales counter. He went up to her and said, "Good morning, madam." She smiled pleasantly and asked "And what would you like?" The man said, "I'd like to wrap my arms around you and squeeze you tight. Then run my hand up and down your bottom and squeeze that. Then run my hands along your inner thighs, up underneath your dress. When I get to your sweet pussy, I'd like to rub that while simultaneously unbuttoning your blouse with my teeth and then suck on your beautiful breasts and bite your nipples lightly...What I ''need'' is a new tie!" | |
Joke by welsh twat, in Sex and shit > Men - Tagged sales , woman , pussy , breasts , suck , squeeze - Current Score: 41 - Added: 1 week ago
| I was on the tube this morning sat next to a woman with a baby. She said, "Do you mind if I breast feed?" I said, "No, but don't suck my nipple too hard". | |
Joke by ReigatePen, in Sex and shit > Breast Feeding - Tagged breast feeding , tube , baby , nipple , suck , breast , feed - Current Score: 26 - Added: 3 weeks ago
| A guy walks into a clinic to have his blood type taken. The nurse goes about taking the blood sample from his finger after finishing she looks around for a piece of cotton to wipe away the excess blood. She can't find one so she looks innocently at the guy, takes his finger and sucks it. The guy is so pleased he asks, "Do you think I could have a urine test done?" | |
Joke by Guest, in Illness and mortality > Doctor - Tagged blood , suck , nurse - Current Score: 21 - Added: 1 year ago
| I saved a girl from being brutally raped last night. I made her suck me off instead. | |
Joke by justincider, in Sex and shit > Rape - Tagged saved , girl , brutally , suck - Current Score: 21 - Added: 2 weeks ago
| What's the definition of a sensitive man? One who fucks his girlfriend up the arse and doesn't ask for a blow job after! | |
Joke by Lovelace, in Sex and shit > Young girls - Tagged definitions , men , arse , blow job , suck , fuck - Current Score: 19 - Added: 5 months, 11 days ago
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