Tag: suicide - Sickipedia

Browsing tag: suicide
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I had a mate who was suicidal.

He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train.

He was chuffed to bits.

Joke by Philthy, in Jokes with no home > Suicidal - Tagged suicide , train , friend , murder - Current Score: 420 - Added: 9 months ago

A muslim dies and finds himself infront of St Peter at the gates of heaven.

"Hey, what's going on here, where am i?", he asks St Peter. "Welcome to the afterlife", St Peter replies. "No, no this isn't right. i want to speak to the prophet mohammed, right away". "Would you like a capuccino?" asks St Peter. "No! i want to speak to the prophet mohammed", replies the muslim.

"Well, you can talk to Jesus if you want", says St Peter, and goes off to find him

"Jesus, i don't understand what's going on here", the muslim says, "i want to speak to the prophet mohammed". "Would you like a capuccino?". "No, I want to speak to the prophet! Now"

"Well, you can talk to God if you like", says Jesus.

This appears acceptable to the muslim and off they go. Jesus lets the muslim into a big room and leaves him. After a few moments there is a puff of smoke and God appears. "Yes, what seems to be the problem here", booms God. The muslim is very worked up by now, "Look, i don't get what's happened here, i want to talk to the prophet mohammed!"

"Would you like a capuccino?". "Ok, ok," says the muslim, "i'll have a fucking capuccino, now will someone please let me speak to the prophet mohammed"

"Two cappuccinos, mohammed", says God

Joke by theblueoysterbar, in Religion and racism > Muslim - Tagged muslim , heaven , god , dead , suicide , cunts - Current Score: 282 - Added: 7 months ago

Suicide bombers have today attacked Bradford city centre. Early estimates suggest they may have caused thousands of pounds worth of improvements.

Joke by Boogaloo, in Religion and racism > Yorkshire - Tagged suicide , suicide bombers , bradford , boogaloo - Current Score: 189 - Added: 2 months ago

I phoned the Islamic Samaritans today.

When I said I was feeling suicidal they got all excited and asked if I knew how to fly a plane.

Joke by eatmeat, in Jokes with no home > Advice - Tagged samaritan , suicide , bomber - Current Score: 173 - Added: 10 months ago

Why did Hitler commit suicide?

He got the gas bill.

Joke by We Are The Lemon, in Religion and racism > Hitler - Tagged hitler , suicide - Current Score: 172 - Added: 1 year, 6 months ago

I heard on the news today that flat chested women have a 50% higher suicide rate than women with naturally big boobs.

This isn't a joke I just wanted to share the great news!

Joke by albinobob123, in Sex and shit > Tits - Tagged news , suicide , flat , boobs , albinobob - Current Score: 166 - Added: 1 month ago

Natasha Collins and Mark Speight really were the perfect couple....

One was steaming hot, the other was well hung!

Joke by luckoftheirish, in Celebrity and news events > Mark Speight - Tagged natasha collins , mark speight , suicide , hanging - Current Score: 145 - Added: 3 months ago

There was a local family, whose daughter was frankly very overweight and unattractive. I remember one day her mum came into school and spoke during assembly, explaining that her daughter could not longer stand the bullying and had hanged herself the night before.

The whole school was in shocked silence, then one lad shouded out, "fucking hell, it must have been a strong rope."

Joke by twayne, in Illness and mortality > Suicide - Tagged suicide , fat , hanging , school - Current Score: 144 - Added: 1 month, 27 days ago

How do you get a retarded kid to kill himself?

Give him a knife and ask him who's special.

Joke by Cleveland, in Illness and mortality > Disability - Tagged retard , knife , suicide - Current Score: 116 - Added: 10 months ago

A bloke says to his mate, "I tried to take my own life last night - I tried to take a thousand asprins."

"Fucking hell, what happened?" asked his mate.

"I felt better after two."

Joke by mariners, in Jokes with no home > Suicidal - Tagged suicide , asprins - Current Score: 115 - Added: 4 weeks ago

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