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| A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide. The librarian says "Fuck off, you won't bring it back." |    |
Joke by ht, in Illness and mortality > suicide - Tagged library , suicide , book - Current Score: 15632 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago
| I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train. He was chuffed to bits. | |
Joke by Philthy, in Jokes with no home > Suicidal - Tagged suicide , train , friend , murder - Current Score: 517 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| A Muslim dies and finds himself in front of St Peter at the gates of heaven. "Hey, what's going on here? Where am I?" he asks St Peter. "Welcome to the afterlife," St Peter replies. "No, no this isn't right. I want to speak to the prophet Mohammed, right away." "Would you like a capuccino?" asks St Peter. "No! I want to speak to the prophet Mohammed," replies the Muslim. "Well, you can talk to Jesus if you want," says St Peter, and goes off to find him. "Jesus, I don't understand what's going on here," the Muslim says. "I want to speak to the prophet Mohammed." "Would you like a capuccino?" "No, I want to speak to the prophet! Now." "Well, you can talk to God if you like", says Jesus. This appears acceptable to the Muslim and off they go. Jesus lets the Muslim into a big room and leaves him. After a few moments there is a puff of smoke and God appears. "Yes, what seems to be the problem here?" booms God. The muslim is very worked up by now. "Look, I don't get what's happened here, I want to talk to the prophet Mohammed!" "Would you like a capuccino?" "Okay, okay," says the Muslim, "I'll have a fucking capuccino - now will someone please let me speak to the prophet Mohammed." "Two cappuccinos, Mohammed," says God. | |
Joke by theblueoysterbar, in Sex and shit > Paedophile - Tagged muslim , heaven , god , dead , suicide , cunts - Current Score: 318 - Added: 1 year ago
| Why did Hitler commit suicide? He got the gas bill. | |
Joke by We Are The Lemon, in Religion and racism > Hitler - Tagged hitler , suicide , gas , bill , death , jews , holocaust , adolf - Current Score: 269 - Added: 1 year, 11 months ago
| Recent research has shown that if you put five emos in a room, one of them will eventually kill themself because they won't have a corner to cry in. | |
Joke by juiceloop, in Jokes with no home > Emo - Tagged emo , suicide , gay , tight jeans - Current Score: 248 - Added: 2 weeks ago
| Two Middle Eastern mothers are sitting in the cafe strip chatting over a pint of goat's milk. The older of the mothers pulls her bag out and starts flipping through pictures and they start reminiscing. "This is my oldest son Mohammed. He's 24 years old now." "Yes, I remember him as a baby," says the other mother cheerfully. "He's a martyr now though," mum confides. "Oh so sad dear," says the other. "And this is my second son Khalid. He's 21." "Oh, I remember him," says the other happily, "he had such curly hair when he was born". "He's a martyr too," says mum quietly. "Oh gracious me ...." says the other. "And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed. He's 18," she whispers. "Yes," says the friend enthusiastically, "I remember when he first started school". "He's a martyr also," says mum, with tears in her eyes. After a pause and a deep sigh, the second muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and says... "They blow up so fast, don't they?" | |
Joke by caliban, in Sex and shit > Paedophile - Tagged islam , middle east , middle easter , islamic , suicide , bomb , bombers , bomber , martyr , blow , grow , blow up , grow up - Current Score: 240 - Added: 1 year, 6 months ago
| This site was recently visited by someone from Bridgend who was shocked at the jokes about her former classmates. Reading her words, I felt so sad for her. Imagine being so unpopular that you don't even get invited to a mass suicide? | |
Joke by bleary, in Celebrity and news events > Bridgend - Tagged suicide , teens , girlx , this will be the joke that finally gets me sent to hell - Current Score: 222 - Added: 3 months, 4 days ago
| Suicide bombers have today attacked Bradford city centre. Early estimates suggest they may have caused thousands of pounds worth of improvements. | |
Joke by Boogaloo, in Religion and racism > Yorkshire - Tagged suicide , suicide bombers , bradford , boogaloo - Current Score: 217 - Added: 6 months, 27 days ago
| Police are warning people to be on the lookout for Muslim suicide bombers over Christmas who are set to launch a wave of terror with a new 'Alphabet Bomb'. If one of them fuckers goes off, it could spell disaster. | |
Joke by MICK THE MAG, in Religion and racism > Muslims - Tagged bomb , christmas , suicide - Current Score: 206 - Added: 3 weeks ago
| I phoned the Islamic Samaritans today. When I said I was feeling suicidal they got all excited and asked if I knew how to fly a plane. | |
Joke by eatmeat, in Jokes with no home > Advice - Tagged samaritan , suicide , bomber - Current Score: 195 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
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