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| A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide. The librarian says; "Fuck off, you won't bring it back." |    |
Joke by ht, in Illness and mortality > suicide - Tagged library , fuck off , suicide , tim , vine , tim vine , fuck , man - Current Score: 3423 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train. He was chuffed to bits. | |
Joke by Philthy, in Jokes with no home > Suicidal - Tagged suicide , train , friend , murder - Current Score: 442 - Added: 10 months ago
| A Muslim dies and finds himself in front of St Peter at the gates of heaven. "Hey, what's going on here? Where am I?" he asks St Peter. "Welcome to the afterlife," St Peter replies. "No, no this isn't right. I want to speak to the prophet Mohammed, right away." "Would you like a capuccino?" asks St Peter. "No! I want to speak to the prophet Mohammed," replies the Muslim. "Well, you can talk to Jesus if you want," says St Peter, and goes off to find him. "Jesus, I don't understand what's going on here," the Muslim says. "I want to speak to the prophet Mohammed." "Would you like a capuccino?" "No, I want to speak to the prophet! Now." "Well, you can talk to God if you like", says Jesus. This appears acceptable to the Muslim and off they go. Jesus lets the Muslim into a big room and leaves him. After a few moments there is a puff of smoke and God appears. "Yes, what seems to be the problem here?" booms God. The muslim is very worked up by now. "Look, I don't get what's happened here, I want to talk to the prophet Mohammed!" "Would you like a capuccino?" "Okay, okay," says the Muslim, "I'll have a fucking capuccino - now will someone please let me speak to the prophet Mohammed." "Two cappuccinos, Mohammed," says God. | |
Joke by theblueoysterbar, in Religion and racism > Muslim - Tagged muslim , heaven , god , dead , suicide , cunts - Current Score: 295 - Added: 8 months ago
| Suicide bombers have today attacked Bradford city centre. Early estimates suggest they may have caused thousands of pounds worth of improvements. | |
Joke by Boogaloo, in Religion and racism > Yorkshire - Tagged suicide , suicide bombers , bradford , boogaloo - Current Score: 194 - Added: 3 months ago
| Why did Hitler commit suicide? He got the gas bill. | |
Joke by We Are The Lemon, in Religion and racism > Hitler - Tagged hitler , suicide , gas , bill , death , jews , hollocaust - Current Score: 189 - Added: 1 year, 7 months ago
| I heard on the news today that flat chested women have a 50% higher suicide rate than women with naturally big boobs. This isn't a joke I just wanted to share the great news! | |
Joke by albinobob123, in Sex and shit > Tits - Tagged news , suicide , flat , boobs , albinobob - Current Score: 183 - Added: 2 months ago
| I phoned the Islamic Samaritans today. When I said I was feeling suicidal they got all excited and asked if I knew how to fly a plane. | |
Joke by eatmeat, in Jokes with no home > Advice - Tagged samaritan , suicide , bomber - Current Score: 174 - Added: 11 months ago
| This site was recently visited by someone from Bridgend who was shocked at the jokes about her former classmates. Reading her words, I felt so sad for her. Imagine being so unpopular that you don't even get invited to a mass suicide? | |
Joke by bleary, in Celebrity and news events > Bridgend - Tagged suicide , teens , girlx , this will be the joke that finally gets me sent to hell - Current Score: 153 - Added: 21 hours ago
| There was a local family, whose daughter was frankly very overweight and unattractive. I remember one day her mum came into school and spoke during assembly, explaining that her daughter could no longer stand the bullying and had hanged herself the night before. The whole school was in shocked silence, then one lad shouted out, "fucking hell, it must have been a strong rope." | |
Joke by twayne, in Illness and mortality > Suicide - Tagged suicide , fat , hanging , school - Current Score: 147 - Added: 3 months ago
| Natasha Collins and Mark Speight really were the perfect couple.... One was steaming hot, the other was well hung! | |
Joke by luckoftheirish, in Celebrity and news events > Mark Speight - Tagged natasha collins , mark speight , suicide , hanging - Current Score: 146 - Added: 4 months ago
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