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| A man was in the park practising penalty taking. He kicked stright at the net but the ball flew right over the top. "Fuck it, I missed," he cursed. Just then a priest was walking past and on hearing the man's words said to him, "Do not swear, God is listening." "Bugger off," replied the man "what's he going to do anyway, send a thunder ball down to me?" All of a sudden there was a mighty boom from the skies and a huge shaft of fire hurtled to the ground, killing the priest stone dead. "Fuck it, I missed," boomed a voice from above. |    |
Joke by guest1, in Religion and racism > Priest - Tagged god , priest , swear - Current Score: 130 - Added: 8 months, 20 days ago
| Mary is attending her local weekly church service. Before it begins she is talking with the vicar. Mary asks: "Where's your swear box? Has it been stolen?" "Aye", replies the vicar, "cunts!" | |
Joke by fox in the box, in Religion and racism > Christianity - Tagged church , vicar , swear , box - Current Score: 15 - Added: 11 months ago
| A young man was forced to take a day off from work to appear for a minor traffic offence. He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after hour for his case to be heard. When his name was called late in the afternoon, he stood before the judge, only to hear that court would be adjourned for the rest of the afternoon and that he would have to return the next day. "What for!" he snapped at the judge. His honour, equally irked by a tedious day and roared out loud, "Twenty pounds for contempt of court! That's why!" As the young man reached for his wallet, the judge relented, "That's all right. You don't have to pay now." The young man replied, "I know. I'm just checking to see if I have enough for two more words." | |
Joke by joecorby, in Jokes with no home > Money - Tagged judge , fine , court , swear , money , traffic , anger , annoyed - Current Score: 5 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| A woman goes to church with her husband every week, but she is always humiliated by her husband falling asleep. So after one service she approached the vicar and asked him what she should do to stop him. The vicar gave her a sewing needle and said, "just stab him with this when he falls asleep". So the next week they go to church and sure enough, the husband falls asleep. As the vicar gave a sermon he asked, "Who is the creator of all?" the woman poked her sleeping husband to wake him up and he shouted in pain, "GOD!!!!" "Yes", said the vicar. 10 minutes later, he fell asleep again, as the vicar asked the audience; "who is the son of God?" she poked him with the needle and he jolted awake shouting, "JESUS!!" "Yes", replied the vicar. Near the end of the sermon he fell asleep again, and the vicar asked the audience "And what did Eve say to Adam after she gave birth to his 99th child?" and the woman poked her husband awake again, and he screamed at her; "IF YOU STICK THAT F*CKING THING INSIDE ME ONE MORE TIME I'LL SNAP IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!!!" | |
Joke by afielding, in Religion and racism > Church - Tagged church , stab , vicar , god , religion , swear - Current Score: 5 - Added: 1 month, 6 days ago
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