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| I live in a mainly Muslim community and I'm really fed up with the politically correct bollocks around here. My local pub had to change its name from The Flying Pig, nobody speaks English in any shop you go in and you can barely cook a bacon sarnie without upsetting some Pakistani or another! So I was so happy to see my local swimming pool fighting back, and ruining their fun for a change. It had big sign on the wall stating: STRICTLY NO BOMBING |    |
Joke by pally76, in Religion and racism > Pakistani - Tagged muslim , bombing , swimming - Current Score: 195 - Added: 5 months, 29 days ago
| Swimming is good for you....especially if you're drowning. | |
Joke by offended?, in Illness and mortality > Drowning - Tagged drowning , swimming , jimmy carr - Current Score: 130 - Added: 7 months ago
| I was watching British Paralympic swimming gold medalist Eleanor Simmons being interviewed on TV today. This girl is only thirteen-years-old and, despite suffering from dwarfism, she has risen to the challenge and achieved more than many able-bodied athletes will do in their entire careers. Unfortunately this early success seems to have affected her personality... ...as she has clearly become very big-headed. | |
Joke by pally76, in Celebrity and news events > Paralympics - Tagged paralypics , swimming , big headed , doesnt stop you lot wanking over her though - Current Score: 129 - Added: 2 months, 19 days ago
| I learnt to swim at a very early age. When I was three my parents used to row me out to sea in a little boat until they got about a mile or so away from the shore - then I had to swim back. I quite liked the swim - it was getting out of the sack that was difficult. | |
Joke by hjw5774, in Jokes with no home > Swimming - Tagged swimming , sack , drowning - Current Score: 116 - Added: 3 months, 11 days ago
| Michael Phelps should do even better in the 2012 Olympics, seeing as he'll soon have the whole of New Orleans to practice in. | |
Joke by bleary, in Celebrity and news events > Hurricane Gustav - Tagged michael phelps , new orleans , flood , olympics , swimming - Current Score: 100 - Added: 3 months, 4 days ago
| What's blue and orange and floats in the sea? A baby with shit armbands. What's green and orange and lies on the bottom of the sea? The same baby two weeks later. | |
Joke by sickfuck, in Illness and mortality > Dead Babies - Tagged baby , dead , water , swimming - Current Score: 58 - Added: 1 year, 6 months ago
| A bloke knocked my front door today....said he was collecting for the local swimming pool......so i gave him two buckets of water. | |
Joke by garrygwizz, in Jokes with no home > Swimming - Tagged swimming , collecting , water - Current Score: 34 - Added: 2 months ago
| I said to my girlfriend, " You shouldn't eat before you swim." " Why not?" she asked. I said, " Because you look fat." | |
Joke by bawbag, in Sex and shit > Fat - Tagged swimming , girlfriend , fat , jimmy carr - Current Score: 33 - Added: 1 month, 8 days ago
| Marine biology researchers have developed a new method to fend off shark attacks. If you are diving and are approached by a shark they recommend that you swim towards it aggressively and punch it in the nose as hard as possible." "If this doesn't work, beat the shark with your stump." | |
Joke by Guest, in Religion and racism > Africans - Tagged shark , swimming - Current Score: 30 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| Three guys enter a disabled swimming contest. The first has no arms. The second no legs and the third has no body, just a head. They all line up, the whistle blows and "splash" they're all in the pool The guy with no arms takes the lead instantly but the guy with no legs is closing fast. The head of course sank straight to the bottom. Ten lengths later and the guy with no legs finishes first. He can still see bubbles coming from the bottom of the pool,so he decides he had better dive down to rescue him. He picks up the head, swims back up to the surface and places the head at the side of the pool, where-upon the head starts coughing and spluttering. Eventually the head catches his breath and shouts: "Three years I've spent learning to swim with my fucking ears, then two minutes before the whistle, some twat puts a swimming cap on me!" | |
Joke by sick puppy, in Illness and mortality > Disability - Tagged swimming , no arms , race - Current Score: 30 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago
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