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| At the South African Police Academy, the recruits face their final interview. The commander takes in the first recruit. "Recruit Bernheim. For your final test, I want you to go into the street, kill 3 kaffas and a bunny rabbit." The recruit looks perplexed and finally response. "But commander, apartheid is over I cannot do this." He's instantly sent home and rejected from the first. The second recruit enters and is again given issued with the same task. "But commander, we live in a modern South Africa, I can't possibly do this." He too is sent packing. The final recruit enters. "Recruit van Rensburg. For you final test, I want you to go into the street, kill 3 kaffas and a bunny rabbit." Again the recruit looks perplexed and after some deliberation he responds to the commander. "Commander, I have just one question. Why do we have to kill the rabbit." To which the commander says "Congratulations, You're In!!" |    |
Joke by lastagain, in Religion and racism > South African - Tagged black , south african , kaffa , police , test - Current Score: 228 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago
| A quick word of advice for all smoke alarm owners. When the instructions say you should test them regularly, don't do this by trying to catch them out with a series of small domestic fires. The insurance companies don't like that. | |
Joke by mrangry, in Jokes with no home > FIRE - Tagged smoke alarm , fire , test - Current Score: 132 - Added: 3 weeks ago
| Irish Virginity Test Paddy and Mick are discussing Paddy's forthcoming wedding.. "I'm not sure if my future bride is a virgin or not" he said. Mick says,"Oh, there's an easy test for that. All you need is some red paint, some blue paint and a shovel. You paint one of your balls red and the other blue. On your honeymoon if she laughs and says, 'Those are the funniest balls I've ever seen!' you hit her with the shovel !" | |
Joke by Lovelace, in Sex and shit > Marriage - Tagged irish , test , virgin , balls - Current Score: 52 - Added: 10 months, 11 days ago
| What's the worst thing about being a test-tube baby? You know your Dad's a wanker! | |
Joke by corsa_red, in Sex and shit > Wanking - Tagged wanker , test , tube - Current Score: 45 - Added: 1 year ago
| A new student walks up to her tutors office, nervously looks up and down the hall, then enters and closes the door behind her. She then drops to her knees and says "Please let me pass this test, I will do ANYTHING!" The tutor walks over to her and replies "Anything?" She flicks her hair behind her ears, moistens her lips and repeats "I will do ANYTHING". Her tutor bends down until his mouth is inches from her ear and whispers "Would you.... study?" | |
Joke by rgssparky, in Sex and shit > Adultery - Tagged test , blow job , cheat , student , tutor - Current Score: 23 - Added: 7 months, 29 days ago
| Two guys were sitting outside a medical clinic. One of them was crying, tears were pouring down his face. The other man asked, "Why are you crying?" The first one replied, "I came here for blood test." The second one asked, "so? Why are you crying? Are you afraid?" The first guy replied, "no. Not that. During the blood test they cut my finger." Hearing this, the second one started crying. The first one was astonished and asked the other, "why are you crying?" Then the second guy replied, "I have come for my urine test." | |
Joke by Jewbag Hitler, in Illness and mortality > Blood - Tagged medical , clinic , tears , crying , test , urine - Current Score: 14 - Added: 4 months ago
| When my son came home from school, I asked him how his maths test went. “Fine,” he said. “I was one off a hundred.” “That's great!" I said, "what did you get, 99?” “No, I got a couple of zeroes.” | |
Joke by munkybars, in Jokes with no home > School - Tagged maths , test , hundred , zeroes - Current Score: 10 - Added: 3 weeks ago
| HOW TO KNOW IF YOU'RE READY FOR KIDS! MESS TEST Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer. TOY TEST Obtain a 55-gallon box of Legos (or you may substitute roofing tacks). Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream because this would wake a child at night. GROCERY STORE TEST Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage. DRESSING TEST Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag making sure that all the arms stay inside. FEEDING TEST Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal into the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor. NIGHT TEST Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8-12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 3:00p.m., begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00p.m. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00p.m.Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00a.m. Set alarm for 5:00a.m. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful. INGENUITY TEST Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and pot of paint, turn it into a crocodile. Now take a toilet paper tube and turn it into an attractive Christmas candle. Use only scotch tape and a piece of foil. Last, take a milk carton, a ping-pong ball, and an empty box of Cocoa Puffs. Make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower. AUTOMOBILE TEST Forget the BMW and buy a station wagon. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a dime. Stick it into the cassette player. Take a family size package of chocolate chip cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car. There, perfect. PHYSICAL TEST (Women) Obtain a large beanbag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10 of the beans. And try not to notice your closet full of clothes. You won't be wearing them for a while. PHYSICAL TEST (Men) Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time. FINAL ASSIGNMENT Find a couple who already have a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training and child's table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasise to them that they should never allow their children to run wild. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers. | |
Joke by nassi, in Jokes with no home > Kids - Tagged kids , children , test , mother , father - Current Score: 8 - Added: 6 months, 14 days ago
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