Tag: theft - Sickipedia

Browsing tag: theft
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My mate Sid was a victim of I.D. theft.

He's just called S now.

Joke by AntH, in Jokes with no home > ? - Tagged id , sid , theft - Current Score: 323 - Added: 3 months ago

Ten Liverpudlians arrive in heaven at the Pearly Gates to be met by St Peter.
"What are you doing here?" he asks, "We`ve got no record of you. Just wait here while I check with The Boss"
So off he goes to check with God who tells him to go back and ask them how they died.
A few minutes later he reports back to God, "They`ve gone"
"Gone?.. what all the Scousers?", queries God.
"No, the Gates" replies St Peter.

Joke by pierstaylor, in Religion and racism > Scousers - Tagged scousers , heaven , st peter , theft - Current Score: 44 - Added: 1 year ago

How do you make a chav run faster?

Put a DVD player under his arm.

Joke by clocky, in Religion and racism > Chavs - Tagged chav , shoplifting , theft - Current Score: 26 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago

Sherlock Holmes, the great detective, and his faithful companion, Dr. Watson, go on holiday in the south of France, camping. On the first night, Holmes nudges Watson in his sleeping bag, and wakes him.

"Tell me, Watson, when you look up at the stars, what do you see? What does the night sky tell you?"

Thinking it to be some kind of riddle, or personality test, Watson thinks for a moment, before answering. "Meteorologically, the sky tells me it is a clear, cloudless night, and the weather will be fine for the next day. Astronomically, Venus has entered the House of the Moon, while Astrologically, it appears that Capricorns should not attempt any personal upheaval this month, but Sagittariuses can expect a windfall to come their way. Religiously, it tells me that the Lord has worked long and hard to create the best world he can, and philosophically it makes me feel very small in a massive universe." At this, he turned to Holmes and smiled, saying "What does it tell you?"

"It tells me, my dear Watson, that some swine has pinched our tent!"

Joke by FengShuiNinja, in Jokes with no home > Sherlock Holmes - Tagged sherlock holmes , dr watson , camping , sky , meteorology , astology , astronomy , religion , philosophy , theft , fsn - Current Score: 17 - Added: 9 months ago

What do you give the scouser that has everything?
A court order for robbery

Joke by haz, in Religion and racism > Scousers - Tagged scouser , scouse , robbery , theft - Current Score: 10 - Added: 3 months, 26 days ago

Andrew and Evan save up their money and decide to travel in a hot air balloon around the world.

Several days into their trip Andrew says to Evan, "Aah, we're flying over France!"
"How do you know that?" asks Evan.
"Easy! You can see the Eiffel Tower from up here!"

It's a few days later and, again, Andrew says to Evan, "We're above America now!"
"How can you tell?" asks a puzzled Evan.
"Well if you look just there you can see the Statue of Liberty!"

On their last day Andrew looks over and says, "Today we're flying over Liverpool!"
Evan looks as hard as he can but can see nothing on the ground that sticks out. Confused, he asks Andrew, "How the fuck can you know that?!"
Andrew replies, "Because SOME CUNT'S NICKED MY WATCH!"

Joke by Sausage Sucker, in Religion and racism > Scousers - Tagged theft , liverpool , balloon - Current Score: 10 - Added: 7 months ago

Did you hear that this year had the coldest day in Liverpool since records began?
All the scousers kept their hands in their own pockets!

Joke by mickle, in Religion and racism > Scousers - Tagged liverpooll , theft , cold , pocket - Current Score: 6 - Added: 4 months ago

"What's wrong, miss?" asked the kindly policeman when he saw the girl crying.

"A thief has just stolen Â£20 I had hidden inside my knickers," she sobbed.

"Did you try to stop him?" inquired the policeman.

The girl replied, "I didn't know he was only after my money."

Joke by manning79, in Jokes with no home > Police - Tagged police , girl , theft - Current Score: 6 - Added: 7 months ago

My mate lives in Liverpool. The other day he wanted to get rid of an old fridge. He put it in his front garden with a sign on, 'free to anyone who wants it'. After two days it was still there, so he took the sign off and replaced it with another, which read, 'fridge, 50 quid' Within an hour some cunt had nicked it.

Joke by mickle, in Religion and racism > Scousers - Tagged scouser , fridge , theft - Current Score: -1 - Added: 3 weeks ago

King Mustard got buried to -6. Reveal Joke

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