ACTUAL QUOTE ON AMERICAN FORUM "is there any kind of, like, video rental store but for books? it would make things a lot cheaper, plus once one person had read one the next person could get enjoyment from it" fucking scary!

What's black and runs into walls? Jordan's baby.

I said to the wife, "I thought I saw your name on a loaf of bread today, but when I looked again it said 'Thick Cut'."

Just read the Sickipedia joke by jebusmooli which begins "I for one am looking forward to the day America elects a special needs president..." I can only say - you obviously missed the previous 2 elections mate.

What do you call a female chav with two brain cells? Pregnant.

AND THE YANKS GET ALL UPSET WHEN SOMEONE STATES HOW THICK THEY REALLY ARE, WELL READ AND LAUGH YOUR ASS OFF WITH THESE: The Stella Awards, named after Stella Leibeck who suffered third degree burns to her legs, groin and buttocks after spilling a cup of McDonalds coffee on herself. She was driving at the time. Celebrate, if you will, America's most frivolous lawsuits: 1. Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded $780,000 by a jury after breaking her ankle falling over a child who was running inside a furniture store. The store owners were surprised by the verdict, considering that the misbehaving little bastard was Mrs Robertson's son. 2. 19 year old Carl Truman of LA won $74,000 and medical expenses when his neighbour ran over his hand in a Honda Accord. Mr.Truman hadn't noticed that there was anyone at the wheel of the vehicle before trying to steal the hub-caps. 3. Terrence Dickinson of Bristol, Pennsylvania was leaving a house he has just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was unable to open the garage door from inside, and the door back into the house had locked shut behind him. The house owners were on vacation. Mr Dickinson found himself locked in the garage for eight days with just two bottle of Pepsi and a bag of dog biscuits to live on. He sued the homeowner, and received half a million dollars for undue mental anguish. 4. Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas was awarded $14,500 and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by a beagle. The beagle was chained up in it's owners yard. The award was a little less than first thought, given that the jury agreed that Mr Williams had provoked the dog by shooting it repeatedly with an air gun. 5.A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster $113,000 after she slipped on a soft drink and broke her coccyx. The beverage was only on the floor because Ms Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument. 6.Kara Walton of Delaware successfully sued the owner of a night club after she fell from the bathroom window and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while Ms Walton was trying to sneak out and avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12, 000 and dental expenses. And the winner is: Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma purchased a brand new 32 foot Winnebago motor home. Upon leaving the dealership, he pulled onto the freeway, set the cruise control at 70mph and calmly made his way into the back to make himself a cup of coffee. Not surprisingly, the vehicle left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Mr Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising him in the handbook that he couldn't actually do this. He was awarded $1,750,000 and a new Winnie. Winnebago actually changed their handbooks in case another complete moron decided to buy one of their vehicles.

A blonde woman was having financial troubles so she decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote this note. "I have kidnapped your child. I am sorry to do this but I need the money. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the big oak tree in the park at 7 AM." Signed, "The Blonde". She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him to go straight home. The next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in a brown bag behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed. Inside the bag was the following note. "Here is your money. I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another."

Why doesn't America convert to Islam? Even Yanks aren't that fucking stupid.

A blonde went into a World Wide Message Centre to send a message to her mother overseas. When the man told her it would cost £300, she exclaimed: "I don't have any money. But I'd do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother". The man arched an eyebrow. "Hmmm...Anything?" he asked. "Yes, yes, anything" the blonde promised. "Well then, just follow me", said the man as he walked towards the next room. The blonde did as she was told and followed the man. "Come in and close the door" the man said. She did. He then said "Now get on your knees." She did. "Now take down my zipper". She did. "Now go ahead ... take it out...." he said. She reached in and grabbed it with both hands then paused. The man closed his eyes, smiled and whispered "Well............ go ahead". The blonde slowly brought her mouth closer to it and while holding it close to her lips, tentatively said........... "Hello. Mum...can you hear me?"

I bought my wife a huge vibrator. When I was working away I rang her up and asked,"How are you getting on with the vibrator love?" She said," Not very well,It's knocked all my fucking teeth out!"

Custurd spent 0.02ms doing 12 queries and 0.1s processing. She's 0.36% angry.
Sickipedia v2.7 - a cr3ative media® project. © '05-09 Rob Manuel